butterfliesnsweetkisses

last post

2006-10-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

for tha past 2 years plus, this sweet sweet blog of mine has served me well

unfortunately Kimi has convinced me that LJ is tha way to go.

HAHA.

so merepek apek ah.

so anyways people, i have moved to sabreenakbal.livejournal.com

so enjoy there. hahahah.

i may delete this blog soon

because being tha weirdo that i am,

i feel bad for wasting space on tha world wide web.

hahahah

so bullshit sia.

okek. bye peopleessss.

love and everything else.

XOXOXOXO

p.s: to all y'all who dunnoe.. XOXOXO means hugs and kisses.

X stands for either hugs or kisses and tha O will stand for tha other one ah if ya get my drift which i think u probably wouldnt cuz even i wouldnt understand it if i saw it, haha. okek bye.

gay-ness

2006-10-23T03:24:00.000+08:00

geez. got so much to say.

dunnoe if i'll remember it all.

firstly, i think im gonna move to LJ.

haha.

butterfliesandfairysprinkles. how?

so girly lah

gosh, im becoming so bloody gay~

Raya is tomorrow~

yay?

my open house is on saturday i think.

hmmm.

Its supposed to be Kimi but i ter-Limi.

sorry ah kawan. haha.

LJ is wher tha cool people are at?

so u think u damn cool ah u got Lj? haha

I had fuuuuun yesterday!

Thanks KIMI! hahah.

wait, friday didnt go to skool. haha.

horrible i know.

went to parkway wit tha boyfriend just b4 buka.

he needed to get socks.

i think he just wanted to drive somewhere. hah.

den saw nufail and adam there.

sent them halfway back. buka at home.

adzfar, fail and kimi came over to watch saw 2.

couoldnt really tagkap cuz i was talking to adzfar thruout tha movie.

haha.

but i lovee saw.

we all watch saw 3 together okek?

so Ashraf came and sent everyone home...

of course we made plans to go climbing wit Kimi on saturday at Sp.

Actually it was more bouldering aah.

And my body... my poor aching body that hasnt been functioning properly since Ashley fractured his feet is in painnnn now.

but i like. haha.

at least my muscles are being out to use,

and Kimi, my dear boy you can CLIMB.

its fun to just watch him climb.

haha. not cuz he was half naked, cuz ur too fair, HAHA.

cuz he's so confident and relaxed on tha wall, its just amazing...

i was lying down, talking to nufail, wrestling wit adzfar, listening to music, playing cards more den climbing h, and my body is pain from tha pathetic amount of climbing i did. tsk.

den i went home an they headed to town to buka sushi, WITHOUT ME!

im so hurted! ='(

heh.

den i met them again.

window shopping. i hope kimi can get his vans slip ins and that they have his size. =)

and i have just created an LJ acct. so this may cease to be updated.

so we chilled at mac for a bit.. den we went to parkway to play pool.

saw some of tha bds guys like justin and junn yean there.

Nufail went homeee...

den we sent tha very tired Mr Adzfar back. [so sad =( ]

den we went simpang met Adam, Khai, Teddy, Ivan and Bel there. so nice, havent seen them in a bit,

i got to talk to Adam, after so long, it was nice ah, really =)

den we went bowling.

hahah

was fun ah.

ive only bowled 2x b4.

i was sucky at first but i got a stike and shit,

i think we did okay eh kimi. haha.

den we sent dem back.

i was soo fukhin tired ah.

supposed to sahur macs.

but, me and sheens cant fast, AGAIN! fuck,

so yeah told tha parents we were too tired.

woke up early,

sent tha kuching for grooming. damn cute ah.

their bellies got shaved.

so u can see their nipppppppppppples. wahaha.

den did some last min raya shopping. ran some errands.

met ashraf for a while...

viwed houses. came home for buka.

SLEPT st8 after buka til like 12. den came down Yana was here.

went to Riaz to get food, sent her home

went to 7-11. top up petrol den here i am blogging and chatting to kimi bcuz we are lifeless people. haha.

Nufail starts skool today, YAY!

and i prefer tha comments rather den tags ah.

i dunnoe why. hahah. okek. im gonna concentrate on creating my LJ acct now, bye all.

P.s : I'm sorry for tha spelling errors. hahah.

I Miss You - Incubus

2006-10-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

This song,

Its stuck in my head.

How can you not love Incubus?

Limi let me listen to a song off their new album(i think?)

its very mainstream. lets hope its only for that one song.

Maybe i should get Live journal.

Close this one down. haha.

I just need new skin la.

Oh Nufaiiiil? heh.

You know me and how retarded I am when it comes to computers.

And You're not a stalker la.

We all know that~

Eh Kimi, i saw you!! Haha.

Its been like wat, everyday tha past week ah~

Wait your girlfriend(who's my boyfriend, *we are so weird*)

jealous how? hahah.

And we didnt eat at NY NY.

Cuz it was packed.

Im still dreaming bout tha shoes.

Hari Raya!! I know whats tha first thing I gotta do.

I only hope it'll work. haha.

I hope tha people whom i visit will kindly donate to tha

sabreena-really-needs-money-foundation-for tha-newly-shopping-addicts.

And kawan, sorry you didnt get to watch Prison Break.

I feel so guilty lah can?

I could have stayed longer. =(

Sorry!

And im getting pimples!!!

Yalk! This sucks ass!

And Adzfar still wants to get tha white jeans.

Just as long as its not too tight.

Pair it with a wifebeater.

Actually i think a wifebeater and his white linen pants would look goooood.

A boyfriend who's more into fashion den you is quite scary...

Crop sweater. Geez. Well, you learn something new all tha time kan?

Anyways, Saw2 at my place after buka tmrw?

Last day of skool. For this week ah. Yay Yay~

At least next week i can look forward to getting money frm Raya.

I hope I actually do get money ah.

I Miss You - Incubus

To see you when I wake up

Is a gift I didnt think could be real.

To know that you feel the same as I do

Is a three-fold, utopian dream.

You do something to me that I cant explain.

So would I be out of line if I said,

I miss you.

I see your picture,

I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.

You have only been gone ten days,

but already Im wasting away.

I know Ill see you again

Whether far or soon.

But I need you to know that I care

And I miss you.

blogging again...

2006-10-16T01:21:00.000+08:00

this is quite gay,

im blogging again.

haha.

i've been reading kimi's blog

and den it makes me feel like blogging.

so herre i is.

had a great weekend.

My weekends are now mostly always wit tha happy people man.

when did that happen?

ohhh.

and i trimmed my hair

and cut my fringe,

so at first it was like kinda weird and all.

but i kind alike it now.

and i have no more streaks! =(

i told Leslie i wanted den he also cannot make up his mind.

so like watever lah.

and stinky wants to go NY NY on Wednesday,

yay.

food glorious food.

cehh... as if i eat a lot.

shit. 8 more days of fasting,

and den raya!

damn fast la.

and i didnt buy my heels...

i ended up buying a necklace and like, shorts.

i really like dem shorts.

haha.

when is that damn Charmaine gonna pay us???

I need to get red shoes and that red bag!

before i kill myself thinking bout it.

actually im not sure wat shoes i wanna get yet.

haha.

maybe i get these really cute small wedges. which im more likely to use out compared to heels.

but heels would be a breath of fresh air for me la.

tha wedges is also like $3.10 cheaper.

haha. but i cant buy both red.

so i'll stick to small cute wedges.

My mom thinks im clothes crazy.

I am ah.

But really, if i dunt feel confident or comfortable with wat im wearing its gonna affect me.

it dunt hafta be expensive shit or watever.

its something that fits me nice, looks good on me.

duh, imma girl, im allowed to go crazy when it comes to shoes, bags, clothes and accessories kan?

wat am i gonna use to vivocity mang?

shoot. this is where tha idol money would come in verrrry handy,

so i could get me those damn shoes.

argghh. im obsessed.

i should be sent to a farm

where i look after farm animals.

so i cant think of clothes or anything else linked to it...

den again wit tha amount of sheep i be lookin at, id proobably be asleep half tha time.

Hakeem should work in a farm!

haha.

i know this is fucked to say,

but skool is sucha bore now.

i cant stand tha front office module.

but i shall continue.

if i dunt wanna go to skool. i must take MC!!!

haha.

And yes, P Ramlee movies.

I am sure Atuk has em'

must ask him to bring over.

den again i dunnoe when atuk will come over.

so ask him to tell nenek and make her bring next tme she sleeps over.

Jalan Raya~

yay. so fun! haha.

this is one retarded entry.

and ohhhh my god,

El-Sheikh has KICKASS iced lattes!

i swear its better den starbucks!

its soooo good,

and reasonably priced too. i mean, you go to places, an iced latter would cost at least 5 bucks. At El-Sheikh, its $3.50!!

and its sooo good.

You save that $1.50 and you go to tha dollar shop and buy one and a half things!

heh. im sooo crapping ah now. gawwwd.

i cant sleep.

im gonna go lie on my bed and think of black and white sheep.

jumping over a fence or smthin.Like me and Nufail

and now i can imagine one of us not clearing tha fence and falling on our face and both of us laughing our asses off.

My train of thought is haywire!!!heh.

black(me) *baaaaaaaa* JUMPS

white(nufail) *baaaaaaa* JUMPS

black(me) *baaaaaaaaaaaa* JUMPS

white(nufail) *baaaaaaaaa* ...

*oops, terjatuh*

-Crazy laughter follows...-

this is so bloody retareded, if i was in tha right state of mind id delete this post or smthin.

but den again, y'all should already know how retardedly randomly gay i am.

so why hide it.

haha.

night y'all.

this is contradictory but i cant wait for skool tmrw,

i think cuz its a day closer to raya.

i am looking forward to being able to eat, drink etc etc whenever i want to.

heh. after a month, it's gonna be heavenly. =)

My love to my sugar sister, my KOCG-ian.

you're ALWAYS ALWAYS welcome. =D

And love to my stinky big bird carrier man*sings, the carrier mman can in tha background* captain planet. geez, ur getting more and more nicknames. haha.

<3>

while waiting...

2006-10-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

Nufail is sucha blog surfer la.

from Fera's blog she found Afie's.

heh. Actually that's bout it

so now i sound quite retarded.

and noodle has a blog.

and kimi was like ya, im linked to her.

Kimi has a blog.

Tha anti social boy, who actually is getting less anti social because he tried making small talk. haha. that was funny. okek sorry. yeah so, noodle and kimi have blogs anddd nisa has a blog too i just dunnoe which is hers. haha.

Like hello, everyone has a blog. but they use livejournal. heh.

im damn bored la.

Cant eat, drink or ungkz.

Im at tha com lab waiting for lesson to start.

Stinky's supposed to call but he hasnt so im assuming he has some lives to save.

or maybe some kittens. heh.

Everytime im in skool i am soooo tempted not to fast la.

Other den tha time i couldnt anddd my bday cuz i was having gastric. (For real okek)

I've been a good girl. Kinda. Heh.

I want to shooopppp. But if i do i'll probably not have enough money.

I'll probably buy them charles and keith shoes first den wait for raya to buy tha red bag. woohoo.

Im currently obsessed wit red and blue.

But when i window shop, anything green, red or blue will catch my eye.

I'm a girl!

My god when did this happen?

I want to buy heels!

When tha hell have i ever used heels out when im just casually going out?

okek, i shall not answer that question cuz i have ah a few times, under circumstances..

I need clothes.

When aunty leaves, there goes our expandable wadrobe. *sobs*

how bout she go and leave her stuff behind!

I do love her and all.. kinda. haha.

I hate Ns. Reeaaaallly. I'm sure Noodle feels tha same.

haha.

I'm hungrrrrry.

I want to go New York New York.

Mary Ann and Val said it was good.

heh heh.

I'm still hungryy and thirsty,

Its han's bday today.

Happy Birthday sweetheart,

i hope you love ur pressies!!!

Anyway we had a small suprise for him at Mac@ECP

was so sweet of everyone to sacrifice their sleep to come down ah.

thank y'all many many.

And i've been wanting to go City of Angels and Hakeem reminded me yesterday...

We all should go soon! heh.

I'm just randomly writing down whatever's running thru my head,

so that means this may not make sense to all you other people

but it does to me.

haha actually i bet a few months down i'll read this and i'll be like wtf am i blogging about.

and my blog addy is so fukhin gay la.

but got sentimental value okek.

so i should shut up now and concentrate tha hunger pangs away.

And laer when i go home im gonna watch Saw 2 wit yana and nufail~!!

so happy! yay.

and i havent blogged like this in tha longest time. haha.

maybe cuz im letting myself be happy instead of minfucking myself yeahhh.

okek everybody's strolling in class.

10 days left.

counting down.

I can do WHATEVER i want, WHENEVER i want, when this is over.

woohoo.

But den again i'll need monnney,

i should get a job! Anyone?

Okek. stop.

Im saying too much. haha.

Bye.

suprised...

2006-10-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

So it was my 19th birthday yesterday,

And i thought it was going to be uneventful.

Boy was i wrong.

Started off at skool,

thanks for tha 'suprise'

tha birthday card and tha borders card.

And for always making me laugh in class,

and giving me another reason to go to skool. =)

So i would like to thank from tha bottom sekali of my heart

*takes a deep breath*

Nabilah, Aisyah, Natalia, Valerie, Sulaiman,Sujatha, Herman, Brooklyn,Anthea, Desmond ,Ashley, Ashraf, Noodle, Nisa, Syaheed, Adam, Maisarah, Aaron, Ally, William, Teddy, Nadia, Hakeem(Jigglypuff.heh)

-Sheena: Thank you for everything you've dome for me, i couldnt ask for a better sister.

-Nufail:My sugar sister, my other half, you've listened to me rave, rant, complain, seen me through my laughter, smiles and tears. You're tha bestest friend a girl could have and everyday i am grateful to have a person as amazing as youself in my life. =) <3

-Yana: My cousin, tha one who never questions and just listens. You're a beautiful person and its always fun to be in ur company, of course when ur in ur crazy funny mood and not ur angsty i wanna screw anyone that comes in my way mood. But that is quite amusing sometimes too. haha. But i love you tha same. =p

-Adzfar aka Stinky aka big Bird(as in sesame street okek people): Thank you for tha amzingly delicious cheesecake which was a hit with everybody, and tha perfume, i absolutely love it. For your time and company, mostly, for giving me an extra reason to smile tha past month. <3

I wanted to go into more details and thank everyone specifically but den people would just get sick of reading it and i dont think people actually bother bout reading this so, to those who were there and those who wished me, thank yo so very much, it was one of my best if not my best birthday ever. =D and im glad that tha people close to my heart were tha ones there to celebrate it with me. and even tha ones who werent there tho i wish you were, thanks for trying. =)

And if i forgot ur name im sorry!!!

its just one of those random things.

heh.

Much love to all who made my day so so very speacial.

Thank you.

not a year older!!! ='(

2006-10-02T20:48:00.000+08:00

i do not want to turn 19.

you just get nore confused tha older you get.

some things get clearer.

and some, just get more blurred.

keep telling yourself

complications keep life more interesting.

sure it really does.

but sometimes all you crave is peace.

excitement?

2006-09-01T00:07:00.000+08:00

hello there.

excitement.

feels good.

but, when u get excited, you hope

and ultimately, all that excitement and hoping leads to

dissappointment.

So i will not be excited.

haha.

I'm excited cuz my exams are next week

and i know SHIT about front office.

This sucks.

I better study.

which i know i wont til last minute.

Haha. how friggin typical.

Love too all.

And Sukhpreet,

I am so very sorry I cant meet you before you leave.

I love you and take care over there.

Email me and stuff okek?

I'll defiantely email you soon.

Much love sweetheart.

the older the better?

2006-08-29T17:44:00.000+08:00

the older you get

the more confused you'll get,

you're exposed to reality

and suddenly life isnt all sunshine lollipops and rainbows.

funny how life works.

my last project is due on thursday and i havent done anything yet.

it's a group thing.

and next week are my exams.

i get a 2 day break and its straight to IMF.

after IMF is puasa.

geez. everything is just snowballing.

before you know it, i'm gonna be doing my attachment next year.

scary scary thoughts.

haha.

guess that's wat growing up is about.

on a brighter note,

i had tons and tons of fun on Saturday at WOMAD and after.

I'm a womad convert.

seriously, tha acts are so damn amazing.

The atmosphere.....

But you gotta make sure you gots cash when you go.

haha.

Thanks to Nab for letting us crash at your place.

And Ashraf and Adzfar for driving us around.

haha. I'm not sure i really trust Adzfar in tha driver's seat tho.

And Nisa for sharing. Heh.

It was really a lot of fun. =)

Gotta get ready for driving now.

My tummy's kinda crappy tho.

And YaY Nufail! 1 paper left!!!

PARTAAAY tmrw! hahah.

Love to all.

Smucks and hugs.

its been a while

2006-08-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

you are but a fantasy

a dream

where i can only hope and wish

why oh why.

sometimes i wonder

am i not good enough?

*sigh*

nowsadays...

2006-07-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

my life is so stagnantly boring.

last year it was my f&b module

so it was interestin.

now its my front office.

and tha teachers like talk to themselves,

not all ah.

like 2 outta 4.

but tha 2 teahers are tha ones i see tha most often.

oh my god. someone has to save me.

i feel like a zombie.

routine.

i think all humans are incapable of doing tha same thing

over and over again.

question is,

how can i break out o tha cycle?

its come to tha point where i have surrendered to it,

even if im bored

im too lethargic to do anything about it.

its a fukhin disease.

*dies*

wise words

2006-07-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

from meredith grey.

The truth about the truth is that,

it hurts.

That's why we lie.

how can you not love Grey's Anatomy?

='(

2006-07-02T05:11:00.000+08:00

I am cushed.

defeated.

heartbroken.

i dislike France very much right now.

Stupid Henry.

But they tried.

I am still very heartbroken.

its been a while.

2006-06-27T15:47:00.000+08:00

so its tha hoildays now.

i got tha worst eyebrows in tha world.

i went threading..

and when i stood up 3/4 of my eyebrows were gone.

i swear i almost cried.

haha. but it is growing, heh.

so for my dear nabilah in HK who is 5 shades darker.

Noodle made it, *YAY*

initially, it was Mathilda and some other woman Emillie who made it.

Noodle made it into tha wildcard show.

So tha next day when she went for some photoshoot or smthin,

tha producers called her in..

and told her that tha computers jammed up.

So tha final results was that noodle HAD made it into tha top 12.

and Mathilda hadnt.

So now Mathilda is in tha wildcard show,

which is this week.

so you'll get to watch tha spectaculars when you come back next week.

heh.

for now i cant wait to see Sukhi.

Yay. And for tmrw.

Lets hope all is well.

*GO Brazil*

Overrated i noe but wtf, i love Brazil.

Haha. They better beat Ghana tonight.

And Spain and France.

I like both teams right, but

*GO Spain*

heh,

Sheens is supporting France.

because of Henry.heh.

okek, bye for real.

Belaian Jiwa

2006-06-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

I know,

malay.

amazing.

hahah

Belaian Jiwa

Seindah...

tiada lagi

kau ku ingatkan,

sayang kau hilang.

mananti...

biar sampai akhir hayatku di

dunia ini..

kau tahu betapa,

ku sayang padamu,

hanya bidadari sebagai ganti..

hanya takdir menantukan ia...

belaian...

belaian jiwa...

ani i actually got Aisyah to help me translate it.

hahaha.

wat's left

2006-05-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

a gaping hole

once used to be filled

i want to go back

young and carefree.

i didnt have to care.

i didnt have a worry

i don't want it to change.

the dynamics of wat used to be, altered,

left alone

shivering in the cold.

do you even hear wat im saying?

you think you see

you think you know

you think you understand

the complexity that fills my mind

but you don't even listen

do you hear wat you're saying?

empty words meant to make me feel better

but suddenly the hole is just getting bigger

engulfing me whole

until you won't notice my existance

you wouldnt even know if i walked past you

i am a shadow of your past

one you would like to erase

you say you hear me,

but i want you to listen,

to the words im not saying,

Don't assume you know me

or wat im feeling

you talk to me like i am a child

incapable of listening, understanding or speaking for myself

words hang in the air

words i want to speak but afraid to

i've been so scared of losing you

that i never noticed i already have

a long time ago

when my world was happy and carefree

i am brought down back to earth

with reality crashing in

promises are just words until they are fulfilled

i want you to see

to understand

to listen

but you never will

until you realise i am capable

to think, feel touch, hear, smell, see on my own

i will always be an incapable child in your eyes

until you have finally realised

words you spoke were taken into consideration

part of my life

but you refuse to see

veiled by your lame excuses

i hate wat i see when you look at me

a child incapable,

the hole gets bigger everytime...

to be child again..

2006-05-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

i have forgotten...

wat it is like..

to swing so very high..

look up at tha black inky sky...

forget my worries...

and enjoy tha ride...

sand in my shoes...

wind in my hair...

smell of tha night...

smilling...

as i push myself higher and higher...

butterlies in my tummy..

yet feeling so calm...

i must do it again sometime...

before i forget

wat its like...

to once again..

be like a child...

lame but who cares?

hahha.

frustrations.

2006-04-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

Rot and die.

life...

2006-04-22T00:45:00.000+08:00

Back to skool.

8 hours a day,

by tha 3rd lesson everybody cant wait to go home

so tha teacher teaching tha last class has to deal wit our fidgety, talkatives moods.

But i've been quite healthy tha past while.

Playin basketball on Sundays (more like running ard tha court)

but i have fun.

And since last week, rock climbing on fridays.

my arms are aching now.

The national team trains on fridays so you see people wit super toned arms

takin about 4 seconds for tha males and 6 seconds for tha females to climb up a wall i take about 5 mins to get up...

Its crazy.

They like okek attention, go! and they're like bloody jumping off tha wall

damn cool lah, but when ur climbing beside them you feel like...

roight... left foot that rock and they're already been up and down 2x and they're on tha way down ready to do their next set.

Well... more reason to go climbing ey best friend?

Heh.

Next Friday. =)

finally

2006-03-25T17:53:00.000+08:00

Its finally over.

no more Rosette, Petals or OCBC.

Tha joy all of us felt when we left is beyond words.

Its surreal.

*smiles*

Today, all tha people i enjoy working with were in my shift.

And we only had to count cutlery.

And den we had absolutely nothing to do but amuse ourselves,

so bout 7 of us were siting at tha bar area telling ghost stories and crap.

Den we went to tha staff meal table to join the rest and we were listening to music, making fun of each other and juz talking,

I juz had to fall off tha chair laughing.. which made me and everyone laugh harder..

if we had video recorded all of our crap...

I have pictures tho.. so yay. heh.

Im gonna miss working wit tha A class people tho...

But its okek, once we go back to skool our classes are right beside each other and our breaks are mostly tha same. haha.

I shall go sleep all i want for tha next week.

One week break for 13 weeks of free labour.

Talk bout unfair, oh wells, at least 'll have things to do.

Til i dunnoe when.

Love to all.

nowsadays...

2006-03-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

hello.

my 'on-the-job-training' will be over next week,

as of next saturday, i shall be free from the hells of ocbc.

13 weeks. over soon. =)

woohoo.

and my exam is on tha 22nd.

dieeeeee.

wat i am most afraid of is...

plates. yup. plates.

but i must say, i am really gonna miss tha view from ocbc.

especially at night.

and i juz saw tha roster and im gonna be bartender.

yay! not cuz i get to make drinks cuz tha bartender at ocbc mostly juz polishes stuff

cuz i get to enjoy tha view. heh.

and i've been seeing a group of guys playing rugby at tha padang tha past 2 nights.

makes me wanna go for tha sevens even more! yay~

so if all else fails. Nab and Nufail. Tha 3 of us will have our own fun okek? heh.

Much love to all.

whatever.

2006-03-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

fuck it.

seriously.

i dont need shit from anybody.

if you're not happy

bloody fuck off.

I can live my life perfectly fine without you.

Juz dunt ask for me.

Not like you ever would.

Dont talk to me bout being a friend.

I always forget my place wit you.

Thanks for tha reminders.

yay~

2006-02-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

Mummy's coming back tmrw.

YAY!

For ten days.

Den she's off to NZ to see Uncle Marco.

You know when.. somethings juz bugging you.

And it may be that lil gut feeling.

Or juz tha normal time of tha month where everything is juz damn horrible.

You feel all crappy and emotional.

Maybe its juz me.

I feel like crying at everything.

Reading a book. Watching oprah.

Watching American Idol when they dedicate thasongs to like family members or smthin.

Yeah i noe it sounds weird.

I think. Wat I had is gone.

Far far away.

='(

routine.

2006-02-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

i miss my best friend.

i need my best friend.

only she can make me feel sooooo much better.

stupid notice board.

pleaseeeeee meet up tmrw so we can laugh our asses off at random shit.

smucks. hugs and misses.

<333

Lil' Fairy.

i'll be...

2006-02-03T01:56:00.000+08:00

hello once again.
yes, i is bored.
i cant sleep early.
I can but i juz think of everthing that is totally unnecessary
den it'll be harder for me to sleep.
im juz sick of waking up. rosette. go home.
blah blah blah.
tha few nights i get to enjoy.
but how often does tht happen?
im going to petals soon. Joy.
In tha spirit of V-Day, since i shall be spending it wit those i love many many..I wonder why its so difficult to show appreciation and love for tha people that matter most to you.I love you, Such simple words said with sincerity is probably one tha hardest things to say along with I'm sorry and I need help and maybe a few more things but yeah if you get my drift. Why is it so difficult to smile. To do a good deed? Talking bout good deeds, i went to cheers and bought some stuff and i was 20 cents short... I was so confident and all... and i was 20 cents short... so i told tha cashier to hold on so i could draw out money and pay for tha stuff... and he was like.. nah, its okay.. i'll pay tha 20 cents for you. So thank you cashier at cheers who's name i didnt see. Thank you very very many many. =)
Right now I juz wanna get evrything over and done with. I sooo cannot deal with routine. It juz drains you. Like a silent killer. Standing in heels either dead bored trynna find shiet to do or going around wit frustrating customers going tha food isnt hot enough.. tha coffee should be hotter... Or cognac shouldnt be served in a rock glass... Or trynna please other people... Dont speak malay.. yeah and its totally fine for you people to speak your mother tongue in front of me when you're talking bout operations when i am juz joking ard wit my friends in malay.But seriously, if you can talk to tha whole world in ur tongue in frot of everyone you have no bloody right to tell me not to talk in malay. Like fuck off. I'll stop talkin to Nab and Sha in malay when you people bloody stop giving instructions in ur tongue and expect me to noe wtf you want me to do. Life and all its unfairness. i try bein optimistic at least. Im juz ranting. After sucha break, going back there is like mind numbing.i make absolutely no sense sometimes. Enough shiet from me lah. bye.and i love kittieeee~ heh.

Much love,
<333
Lil'Fairy.

febuary.

2006-02-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

Tha irritation and confusion im feeling is just about killing me.
ha ha ha.

Audrey's left, as much as i never spent much time wit her, she's sucha special girl. I hope she has lots and lots of fun in Spain. And come home soon. heh. =)

Tha world is amazing, wonderful, and i think topsy turvy. haha. or on its way there at least. maybe im tha one upside down, and should go back to tha right position, but who's to say... My thoughts are spinning outta control.. I always wonder why I cant find watever it is I want.Maybe Im too picky. But if im not, i'll regret my decision later on. For now, imma try to stop over analyzing everybloodything, fukh it and enjoy my life and watever's left of it. Once my bithday passes this year, everything will be on my shoulders, imma be older, in that transition stage, where everything will no doubt be even more confusing. Maybe I feel too much. I have tried being more practical. Using tha brains instead of tha heart, but somwhow it feels so unnatural. But this way it is much easier to be taken advantage of. I gotta learn to stand up for me, much much more. Maybe its time to say that if you cant accept me for who i am den fukh it cuz i dunt need you in my life, judging evry single thing that i do. Because optimism is so much better den having someone who just brings you down all tha time. I want to be able to be my own person and be loved for it. I cant change me just to make you happy. Because at tha end of tha day its my life. Wat i wanna do, decisions i wanna make.

Much love to all.
<333
Lil' Fairy.

swirls

2006-01-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

i am feeling...

quite discombobulated...

i am feeling...

like everything is too routine...

i am feeling...

quite empty...

i am feeling...

quite broke...

i am feeling...

too many things that i cant really tell wat i really am feeling...

bottom line is...

i am feeling...

very confused.

i need to unfuck my mind.

and i need...

to stop expecting anything...

being angry is not as bad as being disappointed.

When people have such expectations of you...

Its really very scary...

because you dunnoe if u can really live up to them..

you know ur capable..

but how do you come out of your shell...

I dunt want to live life knowing I could have done that...

I dont want to live life saying 'If Only'

We dont get many chances...

Grab hold of every oppturnity...

Every human being is capable of so many beautiful things..

but also many things that may devestate everything known to us..

With such power in our hands...

Its no wonder we may sometimes abuse it.

The ability to make someone smile..

that your heart expands and you feel it could just burst...

The ability to make someone feel so fucked up..

They'd cry to sleep evrynight..

Words and Actions are so strong.

Use them wisely.

Im juz feeling fucked.

You know how if u dont do something you think wat if i had?

den when you actually do it ur like, wtf did i do?

So if u dunt do it,

you'll wonder,

if you do it..

you'll regret it.

Thats a bad place to be at...

And i think im there...

wondering...

Fuck it.

Im gonna enjoy my life tha best way possible.

Smucks to all who bother reading this...

<333

Lil' Fairy

tha 202nd post.

2006-01-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

I have 2 more random things to say bout myself.

1) I have not and still really wanna go ice skating. C'mon people, its ice skating. And seeing Sab falling on her ass. It'll be a good laugh. Heh.

2) I really like guys whose eyes wrinkle up when they laugh. Heh.

I know including this 2 i have 6 random things instead of tha supposed 5... but i was thinking since i posted tha last one later... i'd make it up wit an extra one. Haha. Stupid but really.. I dunt care. Heh.

Free Labour tmrw. Ugh. And to Nab and Syah, wth makes you think that I like who you guys think I like? for gods sakes... im trynna be friendly lah can? Geez.

Much Love to all.

Lil'Fairy.

Happy New Year...

2006-01-09T22:17:00.000+08:00

Not a good way to start the new year.
but that shall be left where it should be.

since Nab said I had to post 5 random things bout myself...
I'll do it...

1) I laugh at tha most inappropriate times.
For example : - When Val fell down and got her gash. I laughed.
- When I could not change my tablecloth and almost failed. I laughed.
Its out of nervousness and not because im mean spirited or watever.

2) I am actually a very shy person. I can be totally crazy and outgoing. And there are times when I revert to my old self who's quiet, introverted and keeps to herself.

3) I love spending time alone in my room. Especially in tha middle of tha night. Where I can sit outside alone... and just think. Quietly. I can hear me, my thoughts.

4) Music can really make or break my mood. But so can my friends and family. Thats why i love y'all so. =)

5) I dunnoe wat else. Maybe when i think of one more i'll post it okek? heh.

Smucks all. Happy New Year.
I love ya'll.
<333

200th post.

2005-12-31T01:11:00.000+08:00

lets see. this will be my 200th post.
Yay?
And im juz gonna say,

I cant funking sleep.

Funking crap ass shiet lah okek.

why cant i sleep everytime before i got work tha next day.
screwed up body functions.
its my fault anyway.

Happy New Years Eve.

My last post of tha year shall be my 200th post.
Next year will be my 201th post.
weeeeeeeeeeee~

bye all.
Happy New Year~
Smucks. <333

attachment.

2005-12-27T04:16:00.000+08:00

lets see. i should be sleeping now.
im supposed to wake up in 45 mins to get ready for my first day of my attachment.
but as usual, i cant sleep.
thank god for nice guys who stay up to keep you company.
but then u feel guilty for keepin them awake.
but then ur finally havin a decet conversation wit someone online.
so i decided to fuck it and screw sleep cuz i'll juz be tossing and turning and having a hard time waking up feelin like i only slept for like 2 mins which will in tha end put me in a pissy mood.
so for tha sake of Aisyah and evrybody else who has to put up wit me. I shall not sleep.
my ass is quite sore. and i think im finally gettin sleepy.
im feelin quite dumb.
u noe when u talk to someone and they use bombastic words and ur like, i think i noe wat that means but i better check in case im wrong so i dunt make a fool outta myself. uh huh. thats how im feeling.
my ass is really gettin sore.
thank god im not serving tmrw.
but i'll be duin pantry.
i think im cursed to be at tha back of tha house.
ass is gettin sorer.
i should be getting some circulation back to that region before as weird as this sounds i get pins and needles on my ass.
heh.
wish me luck.
and hopefully i dunt fall asleep on a plate of food.
bye all.

merry xmas eve.

2005-12-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas to all.

I think after all tha high bordering on drunk conversations i've had tha past 2 weeks wit Mr P (who shall not be named due to obvious reasons) I have come to a conclusion. I must say i really enjoyed tha nights, thank you for everything and as much as some people find it inconceiveable how we have decent intelligent conversations in sucha loud place, i think tha conversations was what made it such fun to me. Of course tha dancing and drinking played a part too. heh. Oh I think loadsa other people helped.
Twas good to see you Sukhi. And wat you say is true. I guess its time to practise wat i preach. Its so much easier to say than do something. But I do not want to be one of those people who are forever unhappy no matter how 'hard' they try to be happy. I should step back and take a look at everything without my emotions getting in tha way. How do you do it anyway? I was only trying to help. Its always one thing or another thats juz shit. I guess i gotta learn to stop and smell tha roses.
i think i'll continue this when im in tha mood, til den.
bye all.

seeing is not always beliving.

2005-12-12T02:38:00.000+08:00

what you see.
is me, incapable.
what you dont see,
is me, trying.

Angel

2005-12-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Angel
Sarah McLachlan

P.s : Dont be sad Aisyah. Even tho its not tha same, there's always us. =)
: Nufail. I misses u. =(

thank you

2005-11-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

thank you

for kicking me down when i thought i was feeling low.

for making me laugh and smile.

for brigtening up my day.

for hurting me more den you'll ever know.

for all tha joy we shared.

for all tha tears we shed together.

for all tha times you cried for help.

for beeing there when i needed you.

for being there when i wanted you.

for listening to me.

for letting me listen to you.

for sharing your world with me.

for giving me insight on what i never saw before.

for sharing your knowledge with me.

for loving me tha way i am.

for making me stronger.

for letting me love you.

for that one moment you made my heart soar.

for tha times you made me realise life was worth it.

for tha times you showed me how truly beautiful you are.

for everything you have done for me.

for everything you have said to me.

for letting me be part of your life.

thank you.
each and everyone of you have touched my life in one way or another.
you have impacted and made a difference in my life.
maybe for tha worse, maybe for tha better.
but with tha knowledge i gain in your presence,
it makes me a stronger person and moulds me into who i am now
and who i am gonna be in tha future.

Thank You.

Much Love.
Sabreena.
<333

cooking for idiots 101

2005-11-06T13:25:00.000+08:00

wat do you get when u put Sabreena and Natalia in a kitchen, tryin to make beef consumme , chicken curry and pilaf rice?

u get yummy but oily consumme.

u get kick ass healthy paki-nesian chicken curry. healthy bcuz we use yoghurt instead of coconut oil for those health freaks who still indulge in curry.

you get yummy pilaf rice. complete wit burned and blistered fingers bcuz people like me who do not think of usin a cloth to lift tha plate that is covering tha damn rice and Natalia who use a cloth and burn her fingers anyhow.

Tha upside, everyone else washed up for us cuz Mr Lai said we shouldnt cuz of our lil burned fingers. hahah.

I think we were laughing too much at like random shit.
Like paki-nesian. its a cross between pakistani and indonesian.
you laugh at tha stupid things i do like throwin tha chicken into tha pan,
and missing.
and tha chicken ends up dangling at tha side of tha pan.
or caught in tha fire.
and parts of my anatomy that almost hit tha food on display.
and embarrasingly my teacher smirking everytime he walks past me.
and him telling tha whole friggin class dat that one friggin plate has a special taste.
coconut milk my ass,
Jem imma kill you.
and Natalia.
hahahaha.
See you people tmrw.
I cant wait for next week.
Somebods turning 18 soon.
Legal seyyy.
hahahah

Smucks,
<333

selamat hari raya.

2005-11-04T19:29:00.001+08:00

selamat hari raya.
maaf zahir na batin to all i noe and love.
=)

My dad is tha coolest guy i know.
Seriously.

Open house at my place soon.
Will keep all updated.

Smucks,
Sabreena.
<3

its over soon...

2005-10-30T20:28:00.000+08:00

3 more days.
good lord time passes fast~
ha ha ha ha ha.

teh halia at tha serabat stall at arab street.
i want milo ice.
yum.

guys wit curly hair are so...
Hot.
Not all of em.
But those few.
*grins*

bye all.
<3

life.. or something like it.

2005-10-22T11:59:00.000+08:00

people are people.
people will talk.
people will be unhappy.
people will not tell you they're unhappy
as they may not know how to voice their opinions or thoughts.
i am one of those people.
but, it sucks to know
that wit intention of hurt and malice.
you speak untruths.

wat is gossiping?
talking behing another person's back.
if i say soething good about you.
its not gossiping.
if i state a fact about you which may not be nice,
it gossip.
to me, there is no black and white to gossip
there is a grey area in between.
no matter how much you try sometimes
u need to vent.
and somehow. that turns to gossip.
and people hate you because you gossip.
when they, themselves are gossiping about how much they hate you gossiping.

so really, there is no end the tha whole gossip cycle.
unless you totally shut up.
and die from keeping everything inside.
or confront the person everytime.

things are always easier said than done.
i may preach and theorize everything now.
but when i am in tha same situation
i may just do tha opposite of wat i said.
we never know til we are trested in that situation.

if i have ever said sosmething that hurt you.
i am sorry.
that was never my intention.
i needed to vent.
and no suprise
you heard it through tha grapevine.

mistakes i have made.
regret wasted.
nobody is perfect.
i have flaws.

but i do not pretend to be nice
to get people on my side.
i say wat i feel at that time.
if people agree wit me
am i supposed to be sorry?
fuck that shit.
if you wanna think of me as a cold hearted bitch
go ahead.

stop playing childish games
and grow up.
i am who i am
and i do not pretend
to be someone i am not.

peace to all.

<3 to those i know and love.
<33333 to those i miss.
was good to meet up wit those i missed tha mostest.
aaron, nufail and audrey.
=)

Anger Management.

2005-10-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

aint as easy as it seems.

somebody kill me please.
im on my knees, pretty pretty please
kill me.
i want to dieeeeeee
put a bullet through my heeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaad.
-Adam Sandler, Wedding Singer-

i got a ringworm infection/fungi
from tha kittens.
Me sheens and aunty to be exact.
And its really, really
Gross.
Really.
Gross.

3 deadly letters.

2005-10-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

I am seriously seriously PMS-ing BIG time.

excuse tha mood swings.

aaron love. stay safe.
<3

nufail buka together soon okek?
<3
twas good to see you today.

Puasa already.

2005-10-05T09:08:00.000+08:00

A month to Hari Raya.
How fast time passes.
I am legal now. Haha.
Thank you to Sheena, Yana, Shaikh, Yon, Dadai, Syaheed, Han boy, Sufyan and tha rest who came and gave me that suprise.
I really didnt expect it.
You guys pulled it off.
Thank you so so much. I mean it.

On my birthday itself on monday
thank you kampung clan.
for tha cake. tha birthday song.
tha present. its tha cutest.
=)

Thank you yana for following me shopping after skool.
and for buying me tha stuff. i really really loike.
=D
haha.
And nufail and Yon
and my whole family...
for suprising me yet again at home. haha
so loved. =)

So my kitten is a confused lil thing.
I changed her name form lilo to tinkerbell
cuz she's tha smallest one among all.
but then, she went to tha vet on Monday, and tha story goes like this.

There was a male kitten named Tinkerbell.
uh huh.
He's a boy.
So. now his name is Gizmo.
=p

I need water.
okek maybe its a want. but still.
Natalia is now screaming at Nab for not sitting beside me.
Ey bulan puasa cannot curse ah!
haha.
Me and Natalia cannot make it.

But we'll try.
Heh heh.
okek bye. <333

yay...

2005-09-30T00:07:00.001+08:00

so today i had a sad and a happy happy moment.

aisyah called me. told me shortfart added her on friendster.
so i immediately checked mine.
he added me too.
sad part no 1 : He has a potential girlfriend or he has a girlfriend.
sad part no 2 : His english ah... for someone so cute ah... spoil ah. heh.

Super happy part of today.
My dad bought me, sheens and aunty, kittens
so dat means, we have one each.
so dat means, i have my own freakin kitten.
nufking cute shiet.
aunty isnt in town so her kitten dunt got a name yet.
sheens kittens name binxy.
and mine, after some contemplation... from boo to mary jane aka MJ
i think my kitten which happens to be tha smallest one
is gonna be named Lilo. Heh.
Maybe cupcake? anybody wit any ideas,
feel free to lemme noe.
asap ah.
i dunt want a nameless kitten.
but she is sooooooooooooooooooooo CUTE!!!
heh heh.
okek..
kinda sad.
but super happy.
so bye all.
u can always come over and see tha lil kittens. heh.
dah la bye ah,

ps : Lilo is sleepin on my lap ryte now curled up into a tiny small ball. how not to geram?
heh. <3

pps : i wanna thank my dad for tha kittens. i feel so loved..

okek. bye.

yay...

2005-09-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

goodbye my lover...

2005-09-25T01:49:00.000+08:00

i wanted to put down tha lyrics to tha song here
and den nufail pointed out to me dat aaron had it on his blog.
haha.
so guess not.
its on repeat on my ipod ryte now.
haha.

my holidays are alomost over.
was mostly at home.
went for safti thing.
was crap cuz i had to do wash up.
its like a freakin permanent thing for me lah.
haha.
but lunch was good.
and it was fun when we went back to skool.
washing up.
haha.
taking a cab back and all.
prata and chicken wing. wth.
chillipadi. good lord.

gettin wasted was shit to tha core.
it would have been if i didnt,
so many things would have gone differently
haha
but yeah
lesson learnt.

met up wit maria and syaf.
even for a while,
was good.
hopefully next week happens.
we need some girl time b4 puasa starts.
we all say we wanna buka together
but it never really happens now does it.
oh wells
maybe this year we can try ey.

okek. i update already.

skool on monday.
jem! cooking partner.
weeeee~
hahaha
retardism. u better come to skool!

bye all.

ps nufail. u better fecth me. heh heh heh.

melts

2005-09-15T01:46:00.000+08:00

my my my.
its been a week or more.
haha.
that butterfly feelin.
hmmmm.
wat does dat mean?
i think im juz bein stupid.
or maybe i should climb out of my shell
and do somethin dat makes me happy.
or possibly look damn stupid.
haha.
but how?
seriously, my confidence,
is in need of a hugeeee boost.
like it always has been. heh.
im like bein freaky.
maybe i juz gotta open ma mouth,
but i kinda did ryte sya?
wat a lame ass moron.
i noe im juz gonna end up disappointed again.
looks like im back in my shell.
bye all.

Hands On Deck.Waking Ashland.

2005-09-13T16:55:00.000+08:00

All hands on deck
Don't abandon the ship
You'll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don't let me go, don't let me drown

A step to the right to your own rhythm
And what comes next is up to you
I need a miracle to save me from this
And I need the angels to all pray for me
I can't believe you

All hands on deck
Don't abandon the ship
You'll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don't let me go, don't let me drown

Another day, another worry breaks right through
And indecision bleeds me dry
She's painting pictures
I'm not making for her
And she's got a vision without me in mind
I can't believe it

The long walks on Moonlight Beach
The promises you could not keep
They're so contagious, you're so contagious
For all the world we did not see
And all the smiles you gave to me
They're so contagious, so very fake...

All hands on deck
Don't abandon the ship
You'll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don't let me go, don't let me drown

And goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you
And goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you

thanks jem. =)

tears and laughter

2005-09-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

saturday was full of joy and sadness,
gone back to italy.
tears overflowed constantly.
december i shall await for ur return
i cant wait.
be safe.

its sad u wont understand.
look at urself before makin comments.

i look at myself and i wonder
wat have i done wrong?
why is it no matter wat i do
nobody will realise
i shall not try to help anymore
digging tha grave
only he who dug it can dig himself out.
will i ever see u again?
i wish u could see wat i see
when i look at u
more beautiful den u noe.
potential gone.
wasted away.

i didnt mean to make u wait.
emotional wreckage.
laughing.
crying.
unable to grasp my emotions,
swirling around
self doubt.
im sorry beyond words.
i will never be like that.
tha anger towads myself inexplicable.
i never meant to be that way.

trying to understand
but never being able to
i wish i could
but all i am is worthless to you.

words spoken
never thought it could happen.
english and not wat i thought.
did i judge too soon
or not soon enough?
tha answer to tha question i may not know.
maybe one day
maybe not now
maybe tomorrow?
butterflies in my tummy
i shall await
tha answer may not be wat im searching
but knowledge i shall gain.

wat will it take?
a knock on tha head
gone are tha days that evrything seemed simple.
maybe its tha fact i think too much.
how do i un-blur ur vision.
how can i give u clarity,
when u can see it
but do nuthin about it.
evrything's within u
motivationn and will power
i shall overcome all obstacles.
alone or
with those i love by my side.

im tired.
of evrythin.
leave me be.
than maybe evrythin will be better.

attachment be gone.
not worth it.
tha pain of losing someone.
even if its just movin somewhere else.

why do we love.
human nature.
funny thing it is.
holding on when we should move on
and letting go when we should hold on,
when do u noe?

u bring evrythin on by urself.
dig me out of tha shithole i created.

i dunt understand myself, my words or my thoughts sometimes.

tr. crap.

2005-09-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

Thank you thank you thank you Mr Baljit.
If u hadnt made me laugh and have faith in me
id be repeating this damn semester.
So thank u so so much.
I owe him a huge ass present.

stupid class politics.
who's really bein truthful?
who knows.
As long as I know those who truly care bout me are there
and that i have my back, im good.

when u think ur alone,
everyone else surrounds u
u get that suppost and love u need,

when u think u have evryone
they're all gone...

when people want to be there for u
you push them away.
So dont blame anyone for ur self pity.
look around you.
you never noticed tha amount of people beliving in you
but u fucked it up
maybe u sholudnt bother.
I put myself in tha stupidest situations.
Careful. Cuz u may have just lost tha one friend that actually truly cared
and never stopped beliving.
Maybe its too late.

I <3>

and aaron. i <33333>
smile boy.

mummy and francy are back.
til saturday.
happy sha la la.
must spend as much time as possible wit them.
i <3>

Thanks Aisyah. =)

hmmm.... in deep thought...

2005-08-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

i think dats wat my problem is. thinking too much.
obviously its been pointed out by many people before.
i over analyze evrything.
and i dunnoe how not to.
haha.
guess i gotta start somewhere.
=p

my dad's coming back on tuesday
and i already noe wat he got me.
haha.
as im typin this, he should be watching a bullfight bout now.
Nufking cool kan.
wish i could have gone Barcelona wit him.

Mummy's coming back wit Francy on tha 4th.
Aunty Titi is getting engaged on tha 4th.
Im nufking excited to see mummy and Francy.
I didnt get to see them tha last time they came back.
I want Nufail to meet Mummy.
Haha. As if nufail my boyfriend sia. Wtf. Heh.
but yunnoe, we've been sayin for so long dat mummy and Nufail should meet.
So finally there will be a chance, hopefully.
Nufail's papers finish on tha 9th.
And mummy's goin back on either tha 10th or 11th...

my exams start on tha 12th. Crap ainnit.
after dat 1 week holidays.
weeeeeeeee~
how pathetic is dat. haha.

i miss sukhpreet. =(
im sleepy
and i still gotta layan some people.
sigh.
talk bout pushover.

much love to all.
<333

chicken shit

2005-08-23T19:50:00.000+08:00

dats me.

super chicken shit.

even wit aisyah there i couldnt do it.

super chicken shit.

and Rash, ive always had taste. hahah.

Potete allineare non potere sopra una persona ma essere completamente li avete lasciati andare?

just a thought.

dares

2005-08-22T20:47:00.000+08:00

7 dares and still no name.

Imp does not count okek Nabilah.

im juz chicken shiet.

If u wanted me to ask for one of u, it's be no problem.

but.. im shy. hahah.

Aisyah, y u not there wit me?
and thanks for wat u said sayang.
it really meant a lot. haha.
i also didnt think we could ever be close. haha.

like i told Val. stunted growth is not as bad as mat.
grammar sucked. haha.
25 cocktails on wed. bleah.
but dinner on wed. heheh.
where shall we be goin after?

womad at the heartlands was so much fun on saturday.
plus i got to go home late. haha.
drinking. biting . laughing.
enjoying tha music.
Saturday!
and after. weeeeeee~
lets just hope it all works out yeah?

i reaaaaaally wanna ask.
but somehow i noe im gonna end up disappointed.
maybe wat man said is right,
he's juz better off as a mystery guy.
oh wells.

i lups y'all who lups me. <3

P.S: Im gonna give u another bite aaron. feel tha love people. hahah. and i gotta add, i dunt believe u actually read my blog. feelin tha love. hahah. <3

regret?

2005-08-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

i should be studyin for my beverage and grammar tests ryte now.

uh huh.

im more likely to fall asleep.

i had tha oppturnity to do tha dare.

but i chickened out.

im really too shy, y dunt anyone believe me? dammit.

and now Nab double dared me.

and Val wants to smack me cuz i never do my dares.

i'll smack y'alls forehead tmrw.

watch out.

i need aisyah there wit me ah. haha.

wait til next week. heh.

byeeee. i think i gotta study for beverages tho me bed is screaming me name.

I. is. tired.

i'll just study on me bed. haha.

kill 2 birds wit one stone.

did i say i hate wines?

well i HATE wines.

studyin bout em niwae. haha.

all im thinkin bout now is sauvignon blanc.

im going to decompose.

random lah.

bye.

for real.

haha.

<3>

wants

2005-08-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

number 1 : Money most definately.

number 2: Things to be normal. But i noe dat will never happen. U go onwards. As for me... Stuck in reverse...

number 3: To be able to understand wines. How am i gonna pass my beverages test godammit? i need HELP!!!

number 4: More Money. heh.

number 5: To be able to go out more often, without havin too ealry a curfew.

number 6: spend more time wit nufail. i dunt see her as often anymore, wit skool bein so far away. Bleah.

number 7: To do tha dare i told Val and Aisyah and Nat i would do, but gotta wait ah. Im not gonna do it wit tons of people around.

number 8 : I wanna do tha dare. But there is no damn oppturnity dammit.

number 9: Things to be normal. Im repeating myself.

Okek. So i noe wat i really want. Am i such a horrible disgusting person i cant have it. I think its cuz i never thought i would go this low and i have. Ive gone against wat i believed in. im just a very horrible person. I could have not done wat i did, i knew it was wrong but i continued, it was my choice and i chose to take it. that was my mistake. ruined so many relationships in tha process. i never wanna be this person again. i will try my hardest. cuz i hate seeing tha dissappointment in tha eyes of those i care most about. ah. fuck this shiet. things change. i gotta learn to live wit it. im tired. i wanna sleep. im just angry some people could hate me cuz of one stupid thing. here i am always forgiving. and there they are holding grudges. im sorry for having faith. im sorry for believing. after doing this to me over and over again. when will i nufking learn? am i dumb for beliving, hopin and havin faith? its only words. hypocritical liar. i get tha feeling this will be my worst birthday yet. and Rash. please dunt do anythin stupid. i dunt want things to get worse den they are. Life and its miseries. Thank god for that fart bag. hahah.

fix you by coldplay

2005-08-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

i love this song.

When you try your best,
but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

2005-08-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

i dunt noe shiet.
bout my life,
bout other's lives.
but than again, me caring for people,
has always been taken negatively...
good intentions always taken tha wrong way.
no matter how much good i do,
you will always think negatively.

If you think ive hurt you,
think of tha others you have hurt.
Its not only one or two people.
We're talking lots.
Look at yourself in tha mirror before sayin wat you do,
cuz i can assure you, one day,
you will regret it.
I've made my mistakes.
I cant be a pushover anymore.
Im not gonna be scared to speak my mind no matter how stupid i look,
cuz it is my mind.
things are easier said den done,
but im going to try.

i need a smile to brighten up my days.
It can go a loooooong way...
any takers?

Random blog entry.

taken for granted...

2005-08-01T17:13:00.000+08:00

I have been such a fool.
Because i just realised,
a friend does not have to do much,
to be a friend.
I thought i was always at the giving end.
But i never realised how much u gave back.
I appreciate that you still stuck by me.
You dont know how much it means.
Having a friend there once in a while
is so much better than not havin one at all.
Just because you're not there,
dosent make you any less of a friend.
I realise that now.
Finally, i feel free.
Finally, i understand.
Life and its lessons.
Just when you think you know,
you dont.
And you make a mistake.
And thats where you learn your a lesson.
As much as i want you there,
and you're not,
Im glad that even though i may not see you all tha time,
I know that you'll be there if i needed you.
I never knew wat kinda friend i had in you,
until recently.

I hope you acheieve your dreams
because i believe in you.
I will be there for you
should you ever feel lonely
and need somebody.

Thank you.

tired

2005-07-25T17:41:00.000+08:00

skool is super tiring.
i juz wanna go home and sleeeeeep.
til skool starts again tha next day..
i am sucha pig. haha.

everybody's gettin hurt.
literally.
sheens slammed tha car door on her thumb.
haha.
i followed her to tha doctor.
grueseome details follows.
haha.
Herman walked into a van door today.
got 2 deep cuts on his face.
poor boy.
haha. y u people so clumsy?
i also very clumsy.
moral of story : look where you're heading.

was so so good to see nufail yesterday.
after like so long.
thank ja'rir for tha hot cocoa yesterday. heh.
so sedap.
was so good to talk.
and cry.
haha.

i finally know wat i am.
A Substitute.
Could not have been made any clearer.
Thank you so very much.

Why do i bother?

*dies*

skool...

2005-07-15T19:40:00.000+08:00

lets see.. skool has been super fun so far. til today. tha horns have emerged. bleah.
my classes are damn fun. and yes i gots ma classmates to thank.
mr baljit and mr lowe are damn cool. tha rest can be quite draggy.
col. sanders is like scary. haha. i dunt wanna go to his TR. 3 months. =(
Aisyah, Natalia, Val,Andy, Bert, Adam, Vernon, Herman and Jeremy.
u guys always make class more fun. haha. and some others too.
dunnoe why some of them so unhappy wit us. like wtf.
especially tha ones i didnt expect.
some people who call themselves my friends are damn fucked up lah.
dont say something for tha sake of making fun of people.
its juz damn fucked up.
i wish i could make u feel the pinch.
i juz wanna scream in ur damn face.
but i shall stay calm.
i will be patient as always.
one wrong move or if i ever hear anything else from anyone
maybe we shouldnt be friends anymore.
maybe i shouldnt even consider u a friend now.
but like i said. patience.
tha anger is juz eating me up.
thank god for skool.
tmre got catering science. bleah.
and i hafta go find out bout wine.
den got wine project. bleah. mr chan mr chan.
i had so much fun last night tho. sittin, chillin, drinkin.
juz havin a good time. hahah.
tmrw is another day. la la la.
we'll see how it goes.
lookin forward to seein someone. heh heh heh.
=p

skool.

2005-07-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

Skool starts tmrw. New chapter and all.
This should be interesting.
I know what I am going to gain going to Shatec.
But I know im gonna lose a lot too.

Orientation on thursday was cool.
Met old friends.
And new people.

Tha people you expect to pick you up when you're down,
are sometimes tha ones that kick you lower.
And those you expect to kick you lower,
are tha ones that pick you up.
Funny the way life is.
The more you expect something,
the more you wont get it.
The more you don't expect anything,
there it is in your face.

You never know what you're gonna get from life.
Whats the plan in store for you.
Why you had to go through something painful
to gain happiness you deserve.

I gots tonsilitis.
however you spell it.
i hate swallowing.
bye loves.

kuantan la di da di da...

2005-06-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

im goin to kuantan.
oh joy *rolls eyes*
im going to miss lost, oc and one tree hill.
dammit.

thanks to all who made yana's birthday so special yesterday.
wish we had a camera.
capture tha moment.
tha look of shock on her face. heh.
was good to see all.

Yon and Noreis get well soon!!
Dope, we go cycling soon okek. hahah.
Shaikh, we gave her 2 suprises. heh.
Maisarah, was very very good to see u and talk to u again
after sooooooo long. hope u like tha bracelet. =)
Adam... i bet ur super excited right now. Enjoy.
Nufail. would not have been tha same w/o u.
Kak sheen for buyin everythin.
Han, for bein tha loveable pest we had to occasionally hide from.
y'all noe wat im talkin bout. heh.
Yana, u 17 now. dunt PMS so much.
I love you bitch. <3

I love Damien Rice. hahah. his album is amazing.
tha sounds he incoprates into his songs.
his voice is just... amazing.
Just by listening, you can feel tha emotion.
you know wat he's feelin..
its all in his voice.
Tha anger, hurt, love, disgust...

And yes Gecko, im gonna listen to Jason Mraz.
And we better return tha cd's to you.
before u leave. *sob sob*
we wont be around to send you off.
=(

lost

2005-06-08T00:41:00.000+08:00

i think i just lost somethings dat mean tha most to me.
as usual, its juz me.
u gain some u lose some.
but some things u pray so hard to never lose.
but, dats tha way life is.
everything fucks up sooner or later.
so goodbye.

talkin bout lost, tha show lost is comin out on channel 5..
heard from prem and yasz dat its damn good.
so it gotta be, ferstly cuz its prem...
and secondly, ian somerhalder is acting innit. ha.ha.

like i said, gotta find a way to unfuck maself.

la di da

2005-06-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

life has its ups and downs.

for a week u can feel like everything is perfect.
life is so great.
den tha next, it just comes crumbling down suddenly.

when life gets too predictable
when it feels like a never ending cycle
i want to claw my way out of that black hole
find myself at a happy place again.
where i can smile and laugh and be myself.

but sometimes even when everythin is goin great
you still feel hollow and empty inside.
like something's missing.
but wat more could you ask for?
why does it feel so empy?

you're happy
but not really
something at tha back of our head
is juz nagging at you
smthin's not ryte
maybe its juz life's way to telling you not to be so contented
and just leave things be
cuz there is still so much more you can do and achieve..

wat does it take to be truly happy?
how much pain and hardship do you have to go thru?
i guess by goin thru all tha pain and hurt
helps us truly savour and cherish our happiness
however short or long it may be...
dats why i should be grateful when i have it
bask in it
cuz i never know how long it will last.

the worlds changing, can everyone remain the same?

2005-05-31T21:42:00.000+08:00

Unbelieveably, Zewie got married last weekend. He used to be ma big cousin who used to stay in tha room and play with his computer games. Suddenly, he's all grown up and married. Another example, Sheehan... He's gotten taller. He's gonna be taller den me soon. And that is a good thing. Tha boy has dreams. He wants to be as tall as Yao Ming. hahha.

After goin to Bali... it really made me realise, that there is so much too experience, and im sure i can learn so much more than just staying in singapore. After i get a stable job and save enough money, me, nufail, sheens, yana, and maybe yon... we'll travel together. hahah. anyone else who wants to come along is definately welcome... Life is too short for me to stay stagnant and bored.

Skool is gonna start soon. Okek, maybe in like 4 weeks.. but that isnt very long. And im starting to freak out. So many things running thru ma head. Oh lord. I hafta go for ma medical check up and get ma uniform... and shoes. ryte, Syaf reminded me.. now Great Spore Sale, myte as well gets it now. Im gonna sucha lameass nerd. hah. Oh wells, who cares, i'll still love me.

Later. Please ignore thoso random blog. Im always blogging random meaningless shiet. eans smthin to me lah. See. randm crap. Oh wells, til next time.

P.s : Was good to se everyone at tha BVF album launch. Mun, Endy, Tasha, Fera, Ili, Danielle.. y'all know who you are lah. Smucks all. <3

may the force be with you..

2005-05-20T01:15:00.000+08:00

star wars fever. woohoo.
good lord its an amazing movie.
must watch for all star wars fans.
how anakin sywalker turned into darth vadar.
i wouldnt mind watching it again. seriosuly.

someone's getting married tmrw.
all tha best.
i wouldt mind goin cayman island. heh.

to aunty,
your a strong woman. and i love you.
just know i am always here for you.
and i love you very very much.

to mama,
i love you. u care for us unselfishly.
u care bout our wants more than your needs sometimes.
and i love you to death.
ur amazing mom.
i love you because you're you.
and you moulded me into tha person i am.

to ma 3 bobs,
thank you for tha movie today.
i had loadsa fun cracking stupid jokes
and throwing free popcorn at other movie goers.
haha. lets do it again.
before faisal leaves us all for london. dammit.
and to faisal, thank you for ur care,
for calling to see if i was home safely.
i was really touched. =)
and hafiz is a moron for sleepin thru star wars.
haha.
man.. see u in shatec yeah? haha.
and before dat u goon.
i dont like not meetin u for weeks before i see u again.

catching up on lost time was great.
lets not wait too long to do it again.
i missed doin wat we always did.
it was so good to see u again. =)

to nufail,
3 werds. i lups u.
thanks for always bein there. =)

its tha 20th now,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYAHEED!!!!
anoher person who has always been there for me, from start to end.
you understand me in a way others cant.
and i think you're an amazing person,
with lots of love. you are unselfish,
always giving. thank you for ur advice
for those times u made me laugh.
for those irreplaceable moments.
i finally have that big brother i never had but always wanted. =)

wat fun.

2005-05-13T11:46:00.000+08:00

Yes, i had a great day dat day. thank u nufail for makin me stay. haha. house of wax was predictable. but still shocking and good. okay, so tha actors made it good. im sorry if Chad Micheal Murray and Jared Padalecki is hot. Paris Hilton's movie debut is totally typical. its tha perfect role for her. jock's girlfriend. wahhaha. well, i like how she died. whahaha. evil and gory but its funny really, in a morbid kinda way i guess. so den me and best friend went to makan at ljs. yummy cheese dip. thank god for dat. and thank god for Salem and Jai. hahah. for tha breath of fresh air... =p so after our great escape, (heh) Nufail went to pee. and somebody sms-ed me. turned out to be Audrey dearest. hahah. so we chilled at lido for a bit den we went to borders bistro wher Anto werked. So while Anto was busy earning her $6 an hour, we were sitting down gossiping, talking about politics and them makin fun of me. ( wat a suprise). Thank god Nufail doesnt judge me on wat i know about politics. hahah. Den we waited wit Audrey for her bus just because we were all having so much fun. And i happened to notice that thingy at tha bus stop. So tha 3 of us rotated to enjoy tha view of tha thingy. And Audrey missed like wat, 2 buses? That thingy is just so...... hmmmm.... but i agree wit wat Audrey said. Proabably pretentious and stuck up. Oh wells, who knows?? hahah

So now, we must do it again because I had way to much fun. But den i dunnoe of Audrey can next week. Oh wells, no worries my lovelies.. til next time. Haha.

And this happened on wednesday 11 may. and today is friday, 13th may.
Friday the 13th. *tha horror* oh wells. Im crapping. =)

So Beautiful

2005-05-11T10:44:00.000+08:00

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin' about you,
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,
What you up too where you been?
(Just thinkin')

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn't change you
Now you tell me why it's so
You bigger than mighty Joe,
(At lest you think so)

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Throw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
(At lest I thought so)

Now you think your so damn fine

You can rule the world no not mine,
I don't think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you're in,
And the people that you been with
Just get to me,
But you think I'm not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?

Well I'm here to tell you babe
The game your in is just a game
So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you're so beautiful
(So beautiful)

Thanks to Qader and Nufail. Im in love with this song now.

- You have changed so much that I don't know,
if I can call you and tell you I care -

YAY!!! pukes

2005-04-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

well well well...

ive had fun tha past few weeks.. juz me and my family and nufail. sentosa on monday was madness. stupid rain. hahhaa. fluffy underwear and ear in your water. and laughing at so much random shiet. den tha movie and dinner yesterday. hahha. like date sia. wahhahah. always noe ur always welcome to ur second family.

swimming today was fun. aaron is ma pet fish that goes meow. we must go again. den nufail should come. she can be ma pet kitten that makes fish noises. however fish makes noises. hahhaha. kak sheen and me had fun for sure. haha.

and some people make me sick. seriously. randomness.

Sulaiman... Happy 18th~ smucks..

2005-04-17T01:37:00.000+08:00

Dearest Sulaiman,

My darling boy... I havent seen you in ages, and i miss you so much. So much i gotta say to you. Im wishing you ALL tha best. We're gonna be at shatec together, so u can count on me to be a loveable pain in ur arse. =P

We have been thru tha best and tha werst times together. break ups. break downs. singing in class. laughing at anything and everything. locking me in tha electrical riser. Your brother. Your birthday last year.My amazing birthday wit u and faisal. I know i can always count on you to make me smile. We may not always see each other as often as we used to. But knowing you are there, that you always have been, always are and hopefully will continue to be there for me always pushes me forward. You have taught me a lot and I know for a fact that i could never have gone thru my secndary skool life without you. Looks like we're stuck together for another 3 years ey? There's nobody else I would like to be stuck with more than you. And when u get ur license, i noe i can call u when i wake up late and u can drive me to skool.. hahha... Ur friendship has given me a lot of strength and emotional support over tha last 5 years. Can u believe it? 5 years. My god. Who would have thought, that geeky guy i met in sec 1, tha one i sang code red songs with in class wit kok keong, showing me tha moves would still be my friend thru out these years. okay lah maybe u didnt have much of a choice since we've been in tha same class except in sec 2.. but yeah all those other years... All those years of people thinkin we're a couple, or that we're siblings (stupid people,damn funny sia). You're a strong person whom i really respect and admire. And i love you to bits cuz u understand me and love me for who i am. That same tomboy-ish girl in sec 1 wit tha big baby G watch and tha bigger ripcurl bag. You never judge me (except on one thing and i so totally disagree wit u but i cant say wat it is here because its private. haha, so u can juz ask me if u wanna noe) and u accept me for who i am, wit my irritatingness and peskiness, u still stood by me and remained my best bud. God could not have sent a better friend. Well, there is someone else in ur league when it somes to best friends but both of you are special people and you both bring happiness to my life. But yeah, i love you no less.

So, in short even tho i have so much more to say, I Love ya sweetie. For everythin u have done for me. I know i havent been sucha good friend, but i want you to know i am always here for u, come ran or shine, snow or tsunami? hahah... im here. always will be. And i'll keep smiling for you. always. =)

Love you sweetheart. Happy 18th birthday.

p.s: wat is ur fav colour uh? hahahha...

from your angel. *smiles*

a simple reason why...

2005-04-16T01:27:00.000+08:00

i was surfing tha taufik webbie... and there's a page wher they ask why are u sucha big fan of taufik?

i am a fan as well as a friend.. and here's a simple reason wh i love him so...

He saw something in me. =)
When my friends (jokingly, i hope) said i looked like a rat, He was tha only person to ever disagree. He was adamant i didnt look like one. And i was touched, for someone i had only met tha day before, he said smthin to me that touched me deeply. And it will always stick wit me. He deserves all that he's gettin now. But i do miss Fique. Love that boy to bits. All tha best for his showcase on tuesday.. if he can get me some tickets maybe i can go yeah... =)

muc love y'all~

goodbye...

2005-04-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

i think i just closed a chapter in my life. =(
it no longer exists. =( =( =(

questions and answers...

2005-04-10T13:10:00.000+08:00

well... i was thinking....

You know how they say some questions are never meant to be answered? here's wat i was thinking, it may not make sense to all of you out there, but its just me..

You have a question.. but you never ask it. You think about it and you have a million more questions... And, when you have an answer to that question, another million questions will arise from that answer. So sometimes, no matter wat tha answer is, you will continue having questions. Human nature being curious. You learn more when you ask questions and get answers. Human nature, the thirst of knowledge.

Sometimes, when you ask the question, don't expect tha answer, because you should already know. As much as there may be doubts, you should know. Because if you have faith, and you have hope... you will get tha answer to your question. And you will be satisfied with that. And you wont ask anymore questions.

Than comes another thought... Once you are content and satisfied, you dont question things anymore.You become lazy. You have so much trust and hope and faith, that you dont work at it. You take it for granted, and that is when you may just lose it.

I know this wont make much sense to many people. I dont even know if it makes sense to me.But its just a thought.

musiccc, sweet music~

2005-04-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

i promise not to take music for granted anymore, not having ma own for tha past week has been awful.. and now dat i have it back... i am so thankful.. especially since al it needed was a rest and not repair work. hah.

i miss many people.

I miss....
Mummy and Francy.
Sulaiman.
Sukhpreet.
Sudip.
Aaron.
Audrey.
Fera.
Nufail.
Yana.
Yon.
Noreis.
Faisal.

tha list goes on........

and me and nufail watched wedding date. ouh i so agree wit fera. dat i forgot his name guy is super hot.. dermot smthin ryte? hahahha... murloney? issit? oh wells. yeah tha toilet scene was hysterical. ha ha. and its juz a typical romantic sappy comedy. Girls would so love tha show. typical girly movie. now me and best friend want to watch a lot like love. ouhhh ashton kutcher. hahah.

i cant sleep so im blogging all this crap. im in tha mood for sappy romantic comedies that tug ur hearstrings and make go awwwww and wish u had a boyfriend. well.... dats y i have a best friend. and a sister. hahahah. they're good to watch movies wit yes?
i promise to call u next time kak sheen. u noe i loooooooooooove you~

=p

2005-04-05T15:06:00.000+08:00

well well well...

58 more days *SCREAMS*

i cant wait. i finally have somethin to look forward to. put all tha bullshiet ive been goin thru tha past year and a half behind me.

58 more days.
1392 more hours. approximately.

i shall be home. finally. and how do i feel about it?
answer, truthfully? CORYBANTIC BAYYYYBEHHHHH~

tha dhl boxes arrived. and i have no bloody space to put them. haha. its all good. it shall soon be packed. and ready. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

so who's helping me move back in and paint ma room? Any takers? =p

jobs anyone?

2005-04-03T15:25:00.000+08:00

I need a job. Bad. Very Very Bad. I want to have money. I want to be able to buy smthin on impulse. I want to go shopping. I want so many things. I want to be able to support maself when i go out and not ask ma mom for money. I want to be able to top up ma own ezlink card. i don't want to sit at home and do nothing. I dont want to go out with no money. I neeeeeeeed moolah.

A few people have mistaken me for a boy already. geez. Go figure how short ma hair is. Maybe i should carry a sign. Im a GIRL. I have breasts. *gasp* Now everythime i go out i feel so bloody self conscious. When people look at me i wonder if they're thinking is this a boy or a girl? or this girl looks like a boy, if she didnt have boobs... deressing depressing thoughts. Fuck it lah. It'll grow. til than who cares. Ive been mistaken for a boy many many times before. Its all good. yeah sabreena, keep tellin yourself that.

I NEED a bloody JOB! can someone PLEASE HELP ME????????? good lord.

I miss yon and noreis. and aaron. and audrey. oh wells.

give me my hair back to meeeee~

2005-04-01T17:06:00.000+08:00

i fucked up ma hair. never try bein adventurous. hahaha. ma mom says i look like a lost girl... now i gotta cut it again. and its gonna be super fucking short. i jusz hope it grows. haiz. FAST~ now i dunt feel like goin out cuz ma hair is so fucked. i juz wanted a trim and tha hairdresser asked me to try smthin funky so i was like.. ouhkay, i dunt mind lah.. too funky for ma taste. and ma mom's also. me and ma bright brght ideas. can somebody PUHLEASE turn back time and give me ma hair back? i'll cut it properly this time. now i kow never ever ever listen to a hairdresser when he starts explainin to you some weird outta tha world hairstyle. stick to wat YOU want. *roar* stupid ideas.

hi nufailllllllllllll *waves* and she's ryte beside me now. merepek uh sabreena. ha ha.

and it was soooooooooooooooooo nice to see nicole yesterday, wit chris. hahaha hope he has a safe trip. and nicooooooooooole. so cute lah she.
ha ha.

Happy April Fools Day. Hope ypu all dunt get punked. ha ha.

Happy birthday Sheena~

2005-03-27T17:27:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY KAK SHEEN!!!

I love you. I hope you enjoyed your suprise bash. Things may not be best now. Bein happy is a cycle. Everythin comes to an end. Good or bad, just hold on. I always know things can't always be too bad, because I have a sister as amazing as you. No matter wat, you've been with me thick and thin. My best friend as well as my sister. As much as we feel like strangling each other half tha time, you noe its all love. I know i will always have your support no matter wat i do. You're my pillar. You give me strength when i think i have no more to give. An angel I have been blessed with. I love you always. Im tryin not to get all emo here but yeah. Happy birthday you moron. heh. <333333333333333333333333

The weight of my words

2005-03-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

The weight of my words
Kings Of Convinience

There are many things
I would like to say to you
but i've lost my way
and i've lost my words
There are very many places
I would like to go
but I can't find the key
to open my door.
The weight of words-
you can't feel it anymore
There are many ways
I would like to break the spell
you've cast upon me
Because all the time
i sacrifeiced myself
to make you want me,
has made you haunt me

Little Kids
Kings Of Convnience

Little kids playin in the park downtown
Someone's dad is watching
from the side of the playground
I'm following my shadow so i cross the street
Car passing stereo I like the beat
open up the door,
turning on the fan.
Dropping down the keys that i held in my hand
and than start waiting for her steps
to be heard in the staircase,
enter the room and let down her bag.
Asking me all kinds of trivial questions,
pretending an everyday life we dont't have.
Little kids playin in the park downtown.
Soon they'll all be gone as the sun goes down.
And, rises over Brooklyn Bridge tomorrow,
hours later i will follow,
wake up to a life that's hollow, without love.

feelings

2005-03-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

i dont want to. i dont want to. i dont want to.

u noe how sometimes u wosh u didnt have a heart, or feelings. woundt life be so much more simple and robbotic, i noe, but still.... i cant take feeling anymore. because i always feel so hurt, sad, depressed.fuck lal this emo momo shiet balls.

MAI!!! was soo good to see u again after so long. bodoh. good thing we had that talk. at least we cleared tha air.

NUFAIL!!!!!!! my gsh woman. i miss u so fuckhin much balls. when u left, i felt o empty. fer real. u can do it for ur exams. I believe in you. Totally. No Doubt.

Thanks for tha flowers snshine. :) u always make ma day.

was good to see kassie and darryl again. hahah. like havent see them in so long.

Mark, no worries, u can get into sports and wellness. Can. must believe. I still want to see tha donkey face again. heh heh.

~ and i dont want the world to see me, cuz i don think that they'd understand. when everythin seems to be broken, i just want you to noe who i am~

once again

2005-03-12T03:03:00.000+08:00

hello micah. gosh it feels good.

workin so im busy now. it'll be over by next week tho. *phew*.

dont ask bout ma results, im off to shatec. go figure how bad i did. thank god i have such an amazing family.

to a boy i miss so much,
i realised ma earlier entry might have hurt you. and i sincerely do apologize. i wish i could see you and tell u this in person. i noe this dunt make a difference. i wanna explain to you. if you would give me that chance. just when i thought things were fine, they always have to fuck up. i feel like i can never really be happy sometimes.you will always be my pot of gold.

the children i have been working with have brought so much joy to my life.
especially those special kids. these children made me realise how wonderful it is to be young again. juz gettin a yellow plastic folder makes them so happy. the imaginative things they come up with to play with tha folders. tha random moments that make u realise wat life is about. how special it is.

I dont wanna be hurt anymore. Distance. I may keep wondering. But i hafta push myself to not be a moron so that i wont get hurt again. Once is bad enough.

To those i love so damn dearly. thank you.

expect tha werst. hope for tha best??

2005-02-28T00:02:00.000+08:00

to all tha people i am gonna disappoint with ma results. i truly sicerely am sorry.

to ma friends and family that have been there from tha start. thank you. <3>

Yamakasi? Wat yamakasi? To me, we've been dead a long time ago. Words have been easily spoken but, actions speak louder than words. And tha actions, have been so obvious i would be blind not to see. Thank you for tha amazingly fun times we have spent. For simpang nights. For all tha advice and encouragement you guys have given me. For all tha moral support and faith you have had in me. All i can say is, ' I'm sick of bein bubblegum chewed up'. Ive been chewed up and spit out. I know you're busy and all, but if i dont sms you. I wont hear from you, and i havent heard from you in like wat, a week? Tha things we have done for you. Maybe you'll disagree, but we have been good friends to you. Wat have we not done for you? And im not askin for much. Juz an sms. Maybe ur fingers too heavy. Maybe its just another week to you. I know my place, I know i am nobody. I know I am not missed. Im not gonna let it bother me. But it does suck when so many things remind me of you guys, and i miss you guys so much. I miss your laughter and tha joy you bring to all our lives. You'll never know how much you have touched ma life. But friends drift apart. That's life. One of you said you couldnt see us still chillin at simpang together when we're 24. I objected. But here we are, one year down, and I cant imagine it. It makes me so so sad. Losing people that mean so much to me. One of you also said, I'll find ma man soon, one who will truly appreciate how special i am. Looking at it now, if my friends cant do that, how can some other guy? This seriously has nothing to do with jealousy or feelin inferior. Here's a question, when you ever pick up tha phone to call me, is it because you want to see me or is it because you are that bored? Maybe one day you guys will see how 'special' i am and appreciate it. But im not gonna hope for a miracle. I need that for ma results.

To me, lets hope i did not fuck up ma o levels too badly. Lets hope they have pity on tha girl who knows shit about physics, and every other subject. All tha best to me. *dies*

hunks galore on your tv screen,& now in spore too..

2005-02-23T07:16:00.000+08:00

I was watchin american idol yesterday. For tha ferst time, tha guys were ALL cute in their own way. haha. It used to be just one cute guy who could never really sing unless u like tha nerdy type and go for guys like Clay Aiken. But i hafta say, Although his performance was deemed boring by tha judges.. tha way Travis Tucker sang My cherie amor.. hearing tha words.. he makes it sound sooooo nice.. if anyone ever gets me. hah.

Now for tha big news... *drumroll please*
*drumroll in tha background* heh.

JON JONSSON IS NUFKING IN SINGAPORE.
I bet half of you dont even know who tha hell im talkin bout.
Well.. let me explain. Jon Jonsson is on a tv series on starworld called Manhunt.
He was tha hott surfer guy/ cherokee indian looking one. Tha first one to catch ma eye. When I told people, wat did they say? "Why are you watching that dog show?" If its okay to watch Miss Universe or tha female version of manhunt.. that Tyra Banks one... Y isnt it okay to watch a bunch of ridiculously hott guys on tv? Niwae, back to mr perfect looking. He won. Yeah. He won. And he got a 2 month contract thing to work wherever in tha world he wants to. And he chose Singapore. He probably knows this place cuz he's half Thai. But I think he just wanna be safe. Haha. Would you work in Malaysia? Or Thailand? Maybe tha cities happening lah. But tha rural areas? hmm... I sense another reality tv series.. smthin like outback jack... only more like... modelling in Thailand. Tha do's and do nots. Back to why im writing such a ridiculous blog entry anyway. Because, Jon Jonsson is in Singapore. He could have gone to Hawaii.. catch some waves. Wat waves do we have here in Singapore? Wat kinda water do we even have at our beaches. Has anyone been to Sentosa recently? tha water is full of sludge. SOOOOO disgusting to walk on. AND. tha water stinks. seriously. wassup wit our waters? heh.
This is just another moronic random entry.
Im having a chalet *cheers*
Kiss ma *left to ur imagination*. Some people just spoiled tha whole concept of fun for me.
Just when i really need it too.

sheesha once more

2005-02-21T01:13:00.000+08:00

yes yes nufail love, sheesha was much fun. dunt ever get chocolate. stick wit fruity flavours. haha... laughing our asses off at sheena's sudden "MAH" and ma "OOOooOow" wahhaha.. funny moments. enjoy tha good times while they last. Tha la salle open house was uber cool. last year one better uh.. haha.. there were these HOTT female models. like whoa. Usin tha design students clothes. den sheens fren, austin, lemme try scratchin. tho i sucked cuz i was like so malu, it was like cooooool balls... hahah.. and enough of people sayin me and sheena look alike. dats all we got all damn day. ouh, and sufyan is a sexy beast. heh.

Enjoy tha good times while they last. If you care enough and have fun in their company, you will make an effort to make those times last. I think me and kittie care too much for people. too emotionally attached. I hafta realise my place. I was never high on tha priority list, never was. Wat havent we done? takin a cab from Point A to Point B may not seem like much. But we do it cuz we enjoy tha company. Sometimes people dont realise how much we do. Waking up early. It has always been tha small things that count. How some can do it for others not not for those they claim they are close to. I found out recently, losing a friend is sometimes more painful than losing someone u love. Im sure there are many who may not agree wit me, but dats wat i feel.

Sometimes I wonder wat have i not done enough? wat have i not given enough of? wat is it i lack? but than i realised. I am me. I am comfortable in tha way i am. I may look 14 but who cares? I am happy. If people cant accept me for that.. than... Maybe that person was never my friend. Its so sad to think that the things me and my friends used to do is smthin they do now wit their other friends. Somethin that i had placed importance on was never really important to them. I should learn to say no, fight back. because its eating me, killing me. Im sick of bein an emotional basketcase. Whatever i do is never appreciated. Always taken for granted. Always believe im always gonna be there. Wat if one day i wasnt? would anyone care? would anyone be sad? i doubt it. seriously. maybe a few i can count off ma fingers on ma right hand. Bein a friend you should never expect anyhtin in return. But i realised i cant keep givin and givin. and end up disappointed. I dunt like havin ma dreams laughed at however silly it may be. I dont like smthin that is important to me laughed at. Because it matters to me. You may not see it, but it hurts. In tha end, all tha blame is put on me. Im always talkin b4 thinkin. Im unrefined. Im emotional. Im sensitive. I get overly excited fast. Im sick of lockin myself up in tha room, cryin ma eyes out until i fall asleep. Im mostly sick of bein blamed for everythin. Im also sick of bein invisible. Im sick of bein someone who is never missed or cared for. seein nufail after 5 days was so amazing. time spent wit u is always tha best. Someone said one to me, " Its only words, why are you so hurt by it? " (u shld noe who ur) i get hurt because i disappointed somone. I made them sad. I hurt them, i made them worried. I only want to see those i care for happy. Even if i am not happy. Seein them happy makes ma day. I go home wit a smile on ma face, happy songs in ma ipod.

I hate seein those who have done so much bein taken for granted. I hate to see them pushed aside as if they did not matter. When that is tha person that has been there for you. That person has tolerated scoldings just to please you. Some people think they are so damn smart. That nobody in tha world does not understand their problems. We may not be as smart, but please dont underestimate us. We may not have tha right answers but our shoulders and ears are always open. Its up to you whether or not you want to take that first step.

Smokers should watch Constantine. Scares tha shiet outta you balls.

trekking/tanning

2005-02-11T01:12:00.001+08:00

never go to sentosa on a public holiday. seriously.

while waiting for tha guys, me sheens and yana was like eating, there were these 2 hott guys at a table kinda opposite ours. one indian guy. hottness. and one malay dude. fair, curly hair, nice body. think he's a breaker. they were 2 girls who looked like jackies. i kept on lookin at tha malay dude. cute sia. serrrrrious. like whoa~ and i kept lookin at him. and yana was sayin he kept lookin at me. i think cuz i kept lookin at him. but im sure ive seen them somewher b4. they look familiar, both guys. if dat gurl was his gf den he got tha better one. he's short tho. but he was usin a cap, den his curly hair at tha back can see, white singlet(show of niceeee arms) 3/4 pants or watever u call it and puma shoes. cute sia. serrrious. *melts* should have smiled at him when he went off. dammit.

on tha way to meetin aaron juz now, me and yana took 24. saw that cute guy at ma bus stop. he took tha bus. we were both laughin, esp since he was sittin in front of us.heh. we took pics of tha back of his head wit our hp. freakin hilarious sia. den he got off at tanah merah. and i tried smiling at him. like damn cacat uh. den he juz gave me this WTF look and looked away. i think tha guy i saw at harbour front cuter. more approchable. heh.

kittieeeeeeeeeeeeee's back. yay~ so happy. wat would i do witout u woman? id so die! hahah. sooooooooooooooooooooo good to have ya back tau~

love all of u ma favourite people. so much. thanks bunches for everythin.

somebody asked me : can u love someone outta obligation?
wat a question. nobody can be forced to love. u do or u dunt. ryte?

trekking/tanning

2005-02-11T01:12:00.000+08:00

never go to sentosa on a public holiday. seriously.

while waiting for tha guys, me sheens and yana was like eating, there were these 2 hott guys at a table kinda opposite ours. one indian guy. hottness. and one malay dude. fair, curly hair, nice body. think he's a breaker. they were 2 girls who looked like jackies. i kept on lookin at tha malay dude. cute sia. serrrrrious. like whoa~ and i kept lookin at him. and yana was sayin he kept lookin at me. i think cuz i kept lookin at him. but im sure ive seen them somewher b4. they look familiar, both guys. if dat gurl was his gf den he got tha better one. he's short tho. but he was usin a cap, den his curly hair at tha back can see, white singlet(show of niceeee arms) 3/4 pants or watever u call it and puma shoes. cute sia. serrrious. *melts* should have smiled at him when he went off. dammit.

on tha way to meetin aaron juz now, me and yana took 24. saw that cute guy at ma bus stop. he took tha bus. we were both laughin, esp since he was sittin in front of us.heh. we took pics of tha back of his head wit our hp. freakin hilarious sia. den he got off at tanah merah. and i tried smiling at him. like damn cacat uh. den he juz gave me this WTF look and looked away. i think tha guy i saw at harbour front cuter. more approchable. heh.

kittieeeeeeeeeeeeee's back. yay~ so happy. wat would i do witout u woman? id so die! hahah. sooooooooooooooooooooo good to have ya back tau~

love all of u ma favourite people. so much. thank bunches for everythin.

somebody asked me : can u love someone outta obligation?
wat a question. nobody can be forced to love. u do or u dunt. ryte?

dreaming....

2005-02-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

Jon Johnson = Liquid Dreams.
Hell Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh.

bullshiet

2005-02-01T02:09:00.000+08:00

i cant get tha rasta man chant song by jah cure outta ma head. *shrieks* HELLP MEHHH~ heh.

i had fun today, ya, ya. ya. hahahah. i love u all lah okek. u noe it. i noe it. i dunt hafta publisize ma undying love for all u 4 morons today.

V-day is comin. People wit a partner are gonna be rushing for gifts and shiet. People w/o partners are gonna sa its a totally over-rated day, no matter wat. It would juz be nice to have that someone on dat day wit you. We all dunt wanna be lonely. We all want someone. Plain and Simple. As much as u say its over-raed, if u had someone... you'd wanna do anythin to please dem. This reminds me of ma speech in class bout Valentine's Day and how i thought it was over-rated. Tha teacher was like, that's an interesting view point. Pui to all dat shiet cuz i was juz lonely and sad. wats new. heh.

Can anybody get me dat freakin gorgeous male specimen dat i keep seein at ma bus stop. okek, 2x only, but still..... gorgeous lahhhhh *faints* i want can? whaahah.. please sabreena, people dat hott, ALWAYS have girlfriends. sosad.com.sg/edu/my but... he's a hott guy. i would so love to see his gf. im like 99.9% sure he got one. dunt ask y. its tha gut. duntcha juz hate ur guts sometimes. even if he got a gf dunt mean i dunt wanna noe him for ahem, future references kan? *winks*

wat a stupid entry.
p.s : imma stop caring now. starting from.... NOW!

for my sisters

2005-01-31T02:16:00.000+08:00

HAPPY SISTERS DAY SHEENA AND YANA!!!!!!
yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay. yay

waahhaha. sheena bought me a shirt. i BIG shirt. heh. which proclaimed me tha best sister. and u better believe it. morons. my new fav werd. do not ask y.

Thank you Kak Sheen. I Love You tau. Really.

Yana. I Love You but i dun wanna fren u. U never call me anymore. heh. <3

Its allllllllllllllllll LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~
ma most precious ones. <3

hmmm...

2005-01-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

work tmrw should be interesting, i hope. kak sheen is gonna be in a cheerleading outfit. i noe many people would love to see dat. heeeeeeeh~ maybe i'll meet some really cute japanese guy? fat hope, we probably wont even understand each other, language barrier and all.

Today was so fun. i didnt want you to go. It was sooooo good. I wish we all could have gone to our place. but its all good. I am so grateful for that short time we spent together. Maybe next time. :) It was just so fuckin good to see y'all. Reminds me of times much loved before.

<3

idle dreams

2005-01-28T02:58:00.000+08:00

everyone dreams of having that perfect someone. maybe you've found that perfect someone. maybe ur happy wit that perfect someone. maybe u cant have that perfect someone. when will u actually find that perfect someone? will he be a shadow of tha past. will u be satisfied? fullfilled? feel as if everyday is a blessing? look forward to seeing him. have butterflies in ur tummy when he calls u tho its tha norm? how do u even noe he's that perfect someone? how do u noe u have not let go of that perfect someone in pursuit of someone else u thought was better. how do u live ur life, feeling like its meaningless. as if ur lost. like u have no direction or drive? how do u pick urself up form that deep black hole u thought was so deep no one could reach out to you? how do u learn to live and smile when you feel like everyday is gonna be tha same... pointless... everyday is melting into one long, never ending day? how do u look forward to tha next day?

i think i need new friends. or just a friend. i love tha ones i have now, but they have their own lives to live too.

off to work

2005-01-27T12:00:00.000+08:00

pui. i wish i was as rich as some people (u shld noe who im talkin bout nufie) but, Alhamdullilah ive gotten wats impt.

Happy Birthday Mummy... Wish you were here.. :(

2005-01-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday mummy.. wish you didnt hafta spend it all alone in italy... i'll meet u halfway... tell me which ocean? heeeh~ *hugs and kisses* missing u always.. :( come back soon...

stupid house at pasir ris. i dunt want. ma dad seems keen. ahhh... its so far... dammit.

full moon again. go away. juz go away.

it was good to see you today mai. really was. u too adam. friday yeah.. we'll see.....

i cant be fucked bout things nimore. like i told ma darling kittieeeeee... its time to distance maself away from some people. cuz i try to make dem happy. i give ma best. its never enuff. u can never make dem happy... i dunnoe... like i keep trynna give and give, but after a while those insults juz stick... no point tryin nimore... maybe its changed, maybe they do appreciate you.. but i think they have better things in life to live for... im juz becomin a hassle. memories... good and bad. i wish i could throw it all in a box and throw it out to sea. or burn it. cuz those cherished memories.. are only cherished by u.. tha other person, juz cant be bothered to remember, even tha slightest things. so fuck it. those memories takin up so much space in ma brain. fuck all this shiet. i dunt want ur company. i dunt need ur calls. because im tired of 'meaning' smthin to people. im givin u smthin less to care or worry bout. *quoted from nufail : as much as i want to.. i don't want to...* so stay away form me. cuz i dont want u near me. thanks for all u have done. it can stop now. thanks for makin me happy. it can stop now. thanks for bein there when i needed you. it can stop now. thanks for hurting me. it can stop now. it can all finally stop now.

and i heard from syah dat fique is in langkawi. performin.. *go boy* syah said he be back on friday prolly. he left on wednesday. i see his face everywhere now... and i juz contemg his face on tha today paper.. he looks good tau~ heeeeh. i think i myte juz stop blogging... or change tha addy. so nobody can disturb me there. i can be me. i can be alone. i can be free.

i love you mummy. please come back soon. :(

all i need is you~

2005-01-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

i never knew i made impacts on people's lives. i always thought of myself as the wallflower. once u meet m,e u'll forget me. i never knew i made an impression. but now i noe i have, on some people at least.

nufail. ma bright shinin star. i remember there was once u were down, and u said lets juz not bother bein friends anymore. i started cryin like one baby, went to tha back room.. yana see me also panic.. and i called u. i dunnoe y we started talkin bout such shiet also. at that moment tho, i knew, if i ever lost u... even if i had someone special in ma life, it would b meaningless, because, seriosuly, ur one person that has to be part of ma life. u make me whole, u fill me up. u made me who i am today. and i sincerely love you, every fiber of ma body loves u to death. and there are not many things that i would not do for you. u've been to tha edge and back wit me. and i think only u, yana and kak sheen have stuck wit me from ma highest to ma lowest. god could not have sent me a better friend. he sent me and angel when u came into this world. ur a reason i was born.

to fera. woman, i admit, b4 i really knew u, i used to make fun of u, laugh at tha jokes made towards u. i have admitted that to you. i have apologized. i feel like its not enuff because ure one beautiful soul. inside and out. u listen to me talk crap. u listen to me talk bout tha same thing over and over again. u probably heard tha same story over 5 times. and im sorry. but its smthin u understand. u have shown me another meaning of friensdship. forgiving. so easily. how do u keep giving and giving? i get dumbfounded. u juz give, and u never expect anythin in return. ur like santa claus. i hope u have friends that are like ur milk and cookies. u never expect them but u still get them anyway. because i think u deserve so much more than that actually. u deserve so much happiness for tha happiness u have given people. maybe dats y u so skinny ey? hehehe.. kidding love. niwae, i wanna say, i really am sorry for tha wrong i have done. intentional or unintentional. it was never meant to hurt u. and im so glad ur still ma friend. u deserve all tha happiness u gettin now. like FINALLY! and p.s : i prefer tha caesar salad at maccafe better. but ur hot chocolate is dope! i swear! and tha foam. oh... wow.

to adam. as much as we want it to, things will never be tha same. all we want is ur happiness. and we're happy that u've got it.

to mai :)

to yana. i miss you. i think i took for granted when u were around. i miss ur kerazee laughter. i miss tha times at tha back. i miss havin u ard. i miss ur pms mood face. muke ronyok. actually not really lah, but u put up wit meh all tha time. hahahah. its all love baby. i hope u slpin over tmr. i hope u can follow us to kl. i hope i can be there for u like how u've been for me. i love you.

to kak sheen. i admit i havent been tha best sister. i noe ive been a bitch. i noe u hurtin. like i said marshmellow. i am here. i am still ur leech-y younger sister who will always look up to you. like yana and nufail, u were always someone i could count on, no matter wat. even at 3am, all i had to do was roll to ma right and see ur face, and i know tmrw would be a better day cuz i had my sister by my side. i love you.

to aaron. dunt forget me boy. cuz i'll always remember u gave me my first ever bicycle ride. u almost gave me my first concussion. u are one friend i can not talk to and still feel close to. u are one person who dosent really have to know eveythin to know how im feelin. ur ma pot of gold boy. u dunnoe how much it meant to me dat u came over that day. i knew u were not in tha best of moods. i know it was cramped. but ur presence there, was satisfying.

to syaheed. tha older brother i never had. ure an amazing guy. if u look at tha word patience in tha dictionary, u'll see ur name. u amaze me with tha way u love ma sister. u give her tha strength she needs. u were there for me from day 1. wit never ending advice. if i had a problem, could just call u up. be it directions. ma mini i-pod or ma heart. u were there. thank u.

to prem. yes u smartie pants, ur name is here. u always cheer me up. poking jokes at me. letting me make fun of u. bullying me. always sending us home. i feel so bad. i have never taken it for granted. im very thankful. ur one generous guy. and yes, i'll admit, adorable too. as irritating as i find u, u never fail to brighten ma day. thank u for all that u have done for me and those that i care about. ur someone i will always be grateful for having in ma life. and please dunt try and correct ma grammar when u read dis uh. or watever mistakes i have made. i noe u editor and all uh. soon to be consultant. oh wells. all tha best premmie.

to those mentioned and unmentioned. thank u for lessing me wit ur presence in ma life. u have made a difference. u may not have felt it. but i have. thank you.

peace and love to all~

cheers to friends :)

2005-01-23T11:01:00.000+08:00

i was blooging dat day. damn semnagat. everythin i wanted to say. all down. checkin tha spelling. suddenly while chatting to fera, tha page closed by itself. i was cursing and swearing.

ma mommy's buyin mcdonalds breakfast now. *rubs hands gleefully* can't wait.

thanks u soooo much rover and kittie for comin over yesterday. i hope u guys had fun an good food. hahahah. time spent wit u guys is always grec. too bad john lim coundt make it. things happen, i understand. maybe next time love. i didnt wnat u guys to leave i didnt wanna go for ta briyani dinner at ma dad's cousin's place. we played murderer and heart attack! and bluff and i heart attacked and they broke ma freakin butterfly bracelet aunty bought for meh. i was pissed, but i think i can go get it fixed. along wit ma butterfly necklace. tha chain broke. i was holding tha butterfly and tha damn chain broke. wassup wit ma butterfly things breaking? its not a sign sheens~ i hafta take better care and be more careful.

to that yummy marshmellow. im herrrrrre. always will be.

i am thankful for so many things in ma life. but i dont understand how some people can be so selfish. they have everything they want but it is never enough. they keep demanding for more. somehow u noe its not right when the happiness of others does not concern them anymore. they only people that should be happy is themselves. they are only proving people right when those people bad mouth them. they keep sayin they will change. i havent seen nuthin. tha smallest werds and actions mean a whole lot. even tho john didnt make it yesterday, tha sms he sent me to say sorry melted ma heart. a simple sms or call could brighten someone's day. a hug from where u can feel tha sincerity and love. or a two armed hug. its tha littlest things that count. i have finally found out wat a true friend would and would not do for me. a best friend would sacrifice something forme. even their happiness. thank u nufail. i love u. people do not constantly hurt their best friends. they care. They call when its u bday. they dunt send u an sms. i keep thinkin there is always good in people. somehow people keep proving me wrong. over and over again, i keep havin faith and once again i am disappointed. u never really lose ur best friend. cuz u see tha good in them. u try and hold on. maybe a little longer they will see what they have been overlooking. but den u realise, no matter how hard ur grip is, they slip away. and after a while, u dunt bother, cuz it takes 2 hands to clap and u clapping alone gets exhausting. since they have their happiness, leave them to it. cuz ultimately u only wanna see each other happy, if ur standing in their way of happiness... u move, cuz no matter how much u try and make them see, they will never see anythin from ur perspective. all they see is themselves and their happiness. people i cared about so much slip away from me, and i feel bad, i feel like a horrible friend. i feel as if i didnt hold on hard enough, or long enough. enough of that shiet. i take ma cue from you, im letting go, because i wanna see u happy. and people like me, just dunt u happy anymore. so i let u go without any remorse or regret. because this is wat u wanted and i dunt wanna hurt over u. you used to be worth it. but now i see, no matter how much i hurt, u'll never share ma pain. if i cry, u will never cry with me. u will stand there like a rock, solid, emotionless. because i dunt matter anymore. good luck. and somehow its contradicting wat ive said above, but, i still do love u.

nikita, kyle, yasmin and lydia~

2005-01-17T22:28:00.000+08:00

i love em kids, i swear, read nufail's blog for tha details... a ga gi... hahhaha.. dats how lydis says mommy.. cant expect much from a 1+ year old girl... kyle's birthday is 25th march lah woman~ next sunday! nest sunday. at 6pm.. *wheeeeeeee* a date wit those 4 lil young kids, hope they'll be there mangz~ *so excited*

i wanted to write smthin, but i changed ma mind cuz i dunt wanna offfend anybody. its thir lives. as long as they're happy... im not gonna poke ma nose where its not needed. dont wanna be kaypoh. im here if u need me.

watched sheens and gang play ball today... zain was there today, he came down for his cousin's wedding at shangri-la... all i can say is, issa, ur family uh... *grinks WIDELY* hahhah...

sheesha wednesday?

so honoured~

2005-01-15T22:52:00.000+08:00

after work yesterday, met yana, she came to tha office, den we met nufail at tha mrt station.. went to hmv... farkin hell.. got all tha albums i want... iron and wine, the thrills, the get up kids, interpol, international noise conspiracy.. ARGH!!! tha ones i reallyw ant are $41.. there are ones that are $19.95... hmm... so i bought tha taufik cd.. its gooooood~ i like close 2 you and missing u always... hahah... he sounds soooooo good, so proud of him~ woohhooo~

i opened tha cd at raimah's.. wanted to check it out... so i was readin tha lyrics and all that shiet..d en i was reading tha page he was thankin pple... go tha kak aleza, his guardian angel.. so sweet... :) so i was readin his frens and all, den got syaheed's name.. got mark, koko and all.. i was like, SYAH! he thanked u.. ahha den syah was like,, yeahh... so cool.. so i was readin den i saw sheena and sabrina.. i was like FUCKKK! no way! he thanked us!!! tho he spelled ma name wrong... but im so FUCKING touched.. he thanked us on his album... he thanked us.. gosh... wow~ im juz so fuckin honoured and touched uh.. seriously...

and i wanna thank ma mom for always bein ther.. :)

me and sheens bough tha mini i pod today.. WOOHOOO~ i got blue and sheens got silver.. nufking cool sia~

uh oh... trouble.. gotta go... gosh.. this sucks... hope its gonna work out...
fuck this shit man.

i only wanna see u happy~

2005-01-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

dats goes to all ma frens, those people whom i care bout.

it's a really great feeling to noe dat u are missed, that there are people there who care for u. its so great to hear those reassuring words.. them werds ive been needing to hear for so long. its so great to receive sucha warm, sincere hug. juz from that hug, to noe ur missed. and dat ur cared for.

its good to noe i have a fren, a best fren, who cares for me, maybe more den herself. she only wanted to see my happiness. and ive never been so touched. bcuz, juz from that one small action. i noe u care.

smallest things mean so much. those small actions. those werds. people may never notice. but its always tha lil things dat count. giving and taking and not always taking.

even when somone always gives u one armed hugs and suddenly gives u 2 arm hugs. and sings to u not to leave even tho u gotta. makes u noe ur presence is appreciated. and its a wonderful feeling.

rover. ur house is amazing. makes me miss mine. hahah. can we go over there again soon? heheheh. tak tau malu.

thank you people, who totally brightenend my day today. u shld noe who ur. i love u to bitses and pieces. i dunt think i can ever find some people that can replace u guys.

pushing it away

2005-01-11T13:18:00.000+08:00

i bought undies again.. tha brazillian one... i dnt think anybody will geddit except yana.. hahah...

thanks aunty n aunty aishah.. i had fun yesterday, i woke up ard 8.. to send dee off to bali... 6 days in tha sun.. enjoy.. i juz hope u noe to run for ur life oncee tha water looks weird... den afta sendni dee off, me and aunty went to tha lawyer's office, den me mummy's office, den we picked aunty aishah up for our facial.. thanks fer tha belt and tha butterfly coin purse thingy. thank u soooooooooooooooooooo much!!! our facial took 3 hours~ acyually theirs... mine was log over, thank gof i had nufail for company while waiting for them to finish.. heeheheh... afta dat we went paragon for dinner... we went sushi tei... so cool.. me bein a jakun or issit jakon? watever lah, y'all get meh... so i found out dat teempura and tha chicken is yummy... i love tha prawn wit thousand island and basil sushi... its farking good~ i swear. they had mushroom sushi... i didnt eat salmon, but i ate eel... not exacly ma kinda thing uh, but its not bad... tha california roll was good.. i coundt take tha wasabe.. even wit tha loght spy sauce.. i was dying, so i decided not to eat tha wasabe juz tha light soy sauce in tha end.. heheheh....

niwae, i had fun on satrday.. i think.... debateable fer tha ferst part of tha day.. sheesha was quite allryte... but after we left tha 2 couples and rover, me and sheens went serangoon to met syah and all.. dat was blooooooooooooody fun~ omg... funny arses... lets see.. syaheed, mark, danny, eric,sufyan, andy, mun and fique ttc was ther.. oh gosh... tha whole malay prime ministers thing was dope shiet.. i swear, i havent laughed dat much in ages... hahah.. thanks fer tha laugh u guys...

and on sunday, i met man and faisal.. after how blooooooooooooooody lobg.. gosh i missed dem 2 so damn much. now one person left. rosy. i myte be meetin her on thursday? any takers? heheh.. we went pasir ris park. thanks so much fer tha mystery bola ping pong u asshole, faisal. bloody nyentot. if dats even spelled ryte. hahah den we went banquet at eastpoint, meet sheens, syah and sufyan... fique ttc came a whole later... we left fast uh.. man and faisal earlier cuz faisl had to go to skool tha next day.. juz bought his econs tys summore... jc boy. hahaha. u noe i love u guys to bits and pieces. and next week, spore vs indonesia. lets like use red and white? sua? mcm national day sia.. fuck.. cant wait to spend tha day wit me bobbies *yay* anybody else is welcome.. wahahah... actually lets see if ma dad gives meh tha green light, he'll probably say wait got riot very dangerous or watever lah.. haiyoh. oh wells. imma go get ready to meet ma 2 fav animals now. wahahah. and den imma catch meh csi marathon at syah's place.. csi, i loike, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh~

<3>

im feelin sexyyyyyyy~

2005-01-08T01:17:00.000+08:00

i went undergarmet shopping today~ oh gosh did i have fun.. bought 3 bras and 2 undies.... im in lurveeeeeee wit ma stuff... i swear.. i shall not go into details bout it... it'll be so wrong... thank u soooo sooo verrrrrrry much aunty~ i really appreciate it... *SMILES* hahah

we got our photos from tha fatimah hamid or watever studio.. kinda cool... i look good without zits! wahahha... who tha hell wont ey?

to ana, thanks fer not bein offended.. was really sweet of u guys to buy tha ipod for him... gosh, how many of u chipped in? can i get one? haha.. kiddin~ :P

i wanna go fer sheesha tmrw..wit ma yamakasi people.. but aaron is confined fer bein caught smokin...silly goon~ i think he be out on saturday but no word from him... i miss adam and mai, a whole lot... so busy those 2.. aiyohhhh~

yanaaaa, come back... i miss u many many also tau~ i wanna chill wit u at tha back... get some uh... fresh air and shiet.. listen to meh mp3.. i got so many songs i want u to hear.... come back soon okek? no pressure~ hahah... maybe we get tha job at starbucks... or coffee bean.. wewt~ hahahah....

cant be bothered wit many things now... ass-hooooooooooooole *trynna imitate LJ from meet tha fockers, bloody cute baby~*

was chattin wit adam yesterday... he said smthin like those people worth caring bout are those who give and dunt take... they dunt expect anythin... i think ive been expecting too much.. ending up disappointed is so not fun... and sometimes i give... and not expect... but i think i may be giving too much.. dats gotta change~ i dunnoe.... some people say ive been too selfish... oh wells... sometimes i get stuck in a situation and i dunnoe how to get out, im sorry if i offended ya, it was never ma intention..

i had fun wit sheena and nufail dat day.. and nufail and fera and dat lil bit of audrey.. u donkey, u had to leave so early~ u didnt get to meet kittieee~ :( haha. like u said there's always next time...

i hope we all can go fer sheesha tmrw...

and i got a new resolution...

i wanna take up driving, hopefully by next year... i can drive ey? wooohhooo~ hahah~ *grins*

New year

2005-01-02T02:09:00.000+08:00

i think in ma case, a new year means more stupid things for me to do... i finally figured out wats wrong wit ma blog. this will be a story where nufail will LMAO like hell and say " bodoh sia been" i can juz imagine tha scene in ma head.

niwae, happy belated 17th bday to shaikh aka template boy now.. haha and Dee.. happy 15th bday. heeeeh~ hope u liked ur choo-choo cake.. hehehe..~ Love ya guys.

Sudip. I miss ya loads. I wish u were here so we could go for sheesha when i am down and you can cheer me up wit all ur crap. i felt like cryin, readin ur blog. im so touched to noe ma mom means smthin to ya. wow. im sure she's gonna be damn touched when she reads it. imma let her read it... juz tha bottom part tho. heheh. thanks sweetheart. i sure hope u enjoyed ur new years parties. :)

highlght of new years eve and new years.. *Dino*
-So the story goes-

Me and yana were walkin up warehouse to see sheens and yon... and we saw this really hot guy. so i grabbbed yana and she squeezed ma hand and i was goin 'helllloooo gorgeous' in ma head. hahah.. must be tha whole last day of tha year thing... so i left ma bag and sweater wit sheens... yana stood behind tha counter and mr gorgeous goes up to her and asks if he could leave his bag ther... so yana told sheens and she allowed... details in between ask us yourself uh, but we were on tha dancefloor when he asked yana to dance den i was left alone wit aunty aisyah and uncle lan, den mr gorgeous called me over and asked me fer ma name, he told me he was Dino. hahah... i found out he's 18. yana found out he's eurasian, dad=ang-moh, mom=malay. he's muslim. heheh. At tha end of it.. he was dancing wit dis chineses girl, me and yana from upstairs were like, must be damn hot sia... body damn nice, so she went to tha toilet, me and yana also masuk, action lookin fer sheens and yon. skali tha girl he was dancing wit turned. ma face froze, i smiled and walked out and me and yana started laughing hysterically. Typical munjen wit bugsy teeth...her front 2 teeth were protruding. as in she coundt close her mouth properly. yeah we're evil. and i cant blame tha alcohol cuz i wasnt high anymore when i saw her. but... i think for someone as hott as himself.... he could have done WAY better. It was nice too see Mac after so long. Reza metrosexual was ther fer a while also. Uncle Lan, Nas, Dee, aunty aisyah, Lin and aunty all damn fun lah, esp wen tha guys are high. hahah, tha stupid dances they make up. esp uncle lan. hahahah. cannot tahan sia. And dis bangladeshi guy came in alone and started talkin to yana den she was like, uh, i gtg up.. and whenever we were on tha dancefloor he follow.. he was juz lookin fer people to dance wit lah.. still freaky okay~ everywher we went we'd see him. hahah... and i must say, i saw wei chong, tha one from nds last time. his dance moves are.... well... i'll show u if u wanna se okek... geez tha way some people dance. Nufail, nufail, wher are u when i need you. it would have been perfect of u were ther, den we can laugh at people dancing together, as if i can dance lah, but yeah, it would have been fun~

ma new year resolutions :

-lose some weight.
-not to care for people who dont care for me.
-be more selfish bout wat i want, cuz there's no point i try and make people happy while im unhappy.

U can miss someone and do all u can to try and get dem back but its not gonna werk if ur tha only one tryin. or if tha gap is too wide. i read mai's blog. i love you too and if u need anyone u noe we're here fer ya. I saw adam at simpang today but he didnt see me. He was wit adeq and rawdah.

I really cant be bothered wit anything nimore. People juz make me sad. U learn from people's mistakes. I wish i could make some of u see how much u mean to some of us, but no matter how hard i try, u may seem close, but ur so distant.. the impact uve made in our lives so significant.

Someone told me dat i should not believe dat i have nothing to offer cuz i do. After a while it seems like a tired old line they say to try and make u believe. Seems all i have done is chase those i love tha most away. To those i still have, thank u fer stickin by.

No point regretting tha things i have done or tha things i could have done. No point bein sad over stupid shit. No point caring bout some people cuz everybody has a life and cuz they dunt want u to be in it dunt mean they care any less for u.

Sulaiman i miss you so much. SO SO SO SO SO much. i miss faisal and rosy too. imma stop lookin back and reminisicing tha old times. cuz those are juz past of ma past now and they will only remain bittersweet memories. 2004 was a year i learnt so much bout maself and tha people around me. im no wise owl. i've seen how love can change everything. ive seen how fame can change a fren. and i think i've lost enough. I juz keep wondering wat have i done to keep deserving such misery. But i also thank god everynight for those special people who have brought so much meanning into ma life. And imma keep tellin maself, bein depressed does not make a situatin better. cryin may relieve some stress but it does not solve tha problem. imma avoid dat this year. a brand new year.well people enjoy, maybe i'll see ya around.

P.S : Fera aka boney chicken and Audrey aka donkey... I LOVE YOU GUYS~ heeeeh~

butterfliesnsweetkisses

last post

gay-ness

I Miss You - Incubus

blogging again...

while waiting...

suprised...

not a year older!!! ='(

excitement?

the older the better?

its been a while

nowsadays...

wise words

='(

its been a while.

Belaian Jiwa

wat's left

to be child again..

frustrations.

life...

finally

nowsadays...

whatever.

yay~

routine.

i'll be...

febuary.

swirls

tha 202nd post.

Happy New Year...

200th post.

attachment.

merry xmas eve.

seeing is not always beliving.

Angel

thank you

cooking for idiots 101

selamat hari raya.

its over soon...

life.. or something like it.

Anger Management.

3 deadly letters.

Puasa already.

yay...

yay...

goodbye my lover...

melts

Hands On Deck.Waking Ashland.

tears and laughter

tr. crap.

hmmm.... in deep thought...

chicken shit

dares

regret?

wants

fix you by coldplay

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

taken for granted...

tired

skool...

skool.

kuantan la di da di da...

lost

la di da

the worlds changing, can everyone remain the same?

may the force be with you..

wat fun.

So Beautiful

YAY!!! *pukes*

Sulaiman... Happy 18th~ smucks..

a simple reason why...

goodbye...

questions and answers...

musiccc, sweet music~

=p

jobs anyone?

give me my hair back to meeeee~

Happy birthday Sheena~

The weight of my words

feelings

YAY!!! pukes