Thursday, September 30, 2004
heheh
- KILLING ME FUCKING SOFTLY.TEARING ME UP INSIDE-
EVERYBODY'S BLOG SO NICE ALREADY CAN? MINE IS SOLAME.COM.. SHEENA PUT PICS ALL.. WHOA, SO PROUD OF MA ANGEL! WAHAHAHA... ALL OF US HAVE SORE EYES, DIS MORNING, BOTH OF YANA'S EYES GOT WERSE, HER EYES ARE FREAKIN RED AND SMALL TO THA FREAKIN CORE. MA EYE IS SO ITCHY. IT GOT WERSE DIS MORNING, YESTERDAY IT WAS JUZ A LIL SMALL. NOW ITS LIKE SMALL AND RED AND ITCHY. I THINK WE INFECTED MA AUNTY. SORRY AUNTY OON! I DIDNT KISS U SO U'LL GET INFECTED! REALLY! I PROMISE! HEHEH... HOPEFLLY U WONT GET CALLED UP TODAY SO WE CAN CHILL AT SIMPANG YEAH?
SO TIRED. WONT GO AWAY.. THA MORE I SEE, THA DEEPER IT GETS. PEOPLE DUNT BELIEVE IT. BUT I KNOW BETTER. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE. TOO MUCH LOVE TOO MUCH SHIT. IT SHALL BE STAYIN FOR A LONG TIME TO COME. DEAL WIT IT BITCH.
SUCHA DUMBASS. NYEHHH NNYEHHH NYEHHH.......
PEACE.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:32 AM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
hueted so badly
i feel so broken. emotionally. main me feel so pysiacally tired. so so tired. so broken.
nufail babes, im sorry. i wish ther was smthin i could do to help. i wanna see u this happy all tha time. i hate this feelin, i hate bein unable to help ya.
i wanna buy lime and 8 days. den i'll go to fique and say, CAN I HAVE YER AUTOGRAPH PLEASE? *SMILES INNOCENTLY*
i dunnoe y im feelin fucted now. i had fun wit aunty and sheena and yana and syaheed and dee juz now. hahah. kakak was goin mad in tha car, dancing like a idiot (think of beng or lian dancing to techno kinda moves) to slow sad songs... talked to mummy today, man i nufking miss her and francy. i can juz imagine francy, kakak beeeeeen! hahah wat is dat gurl, 12? 13? and she taller den yana! it was sooooo good to talk to mummy, and chill wit aunty, can always count on her for a good laugh. haha...
tmrw meet nufail and lini, study. i read a lil of ma old blog enties. so sad, so so sad. i cant give a flyin fuct anymore. i really cant. everybody. be happy. happiness u pple always wanted in ryte in front of ya, grab it. u have it, fuct it.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:15 PM| 0 Butterflies
afta tha o's.......
-i noe when YOU are lying-
yana has joined tha pirated sore eyed people. she got m/c fer tmrw. so does sheena and sheehan, so me and yana have conspired to get me sore eyes too... wahahha so tha 4 of us can stay home tmrw and grec.. *wheee* haha.. ma eye has been itchy since juz now.. but still can go simpang meet nufail and noora... hahah man i love u two arses lah... and i do not look like a puffer fish when i roll ma eyes!! and noora, thank u for tha whyte leaves.. ive never gotten white leaves from a guy b4.. heh. ma eye itchy now. *gasp* *chants* SORE EYES! SORE EYES! ahaha, madness, but im supposed to be tha strong one!~ haz, nvm, a day of grec-ness, hahah..
we went to fetch adam... kinda, we met him at kembangan mrt.. hahah, we walk from eunos sia! hahah.. den go home... hahah...
on tha bus on tha way home, i was thinkin of wat i wnated to do afta tha o's.. ma dreamw as always to be a dj... a radio one lah... hahah.. but i was thikin again... i would so totally love to be a kindergarten teacher! i noe tha kids will all have their perangai all dat shit.. but i can juz imagine their cute moments... man.. i really wanna be a teacher, maybe while teaching i can go learn mass com part time or smthin.... teachin lil kids, i sooooooooooooooo wanna do dat~ damn... i want can? got course in tp i can take early childhood... nufking coolness can??? teach at places at act 3 like dat... i soooooooooooooooo totally want dat~ somethin more practical den bein a dj i gues, smthin i can fall back on... sheena was tellin me bout tha course, guess dats wat got me interested... take child physcology and all... did i even spell dat ryte? ah who cares, as long as u get meh...
SORE EYES SORE EYES SORE EYES!!!! wahahhaha madness... if u cant beat em, join em ryte? whahah nufking shit sia~ much love to y'all...
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |1:25 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 27, 2004
loife
i have sucha headache. felt better afta a fag juz now. woke up kinda late.. ma sis called asked wat i wanna eat from macdonalds! had pancakes.. yummy yummy yummy, den went maria's house... so many people ther, was soooooo good to see maria and syaf! syaf baby! i miss you so damn much! hehe, hope u enjoyed ya free movie juz now.. heh..
too bad nufail coundt come juz now *sadness* it would have been soooooooo much more fun if she were ther... ma aunty picked me up from maria's house... they went esplanade and mai and adam went out all... hahaha... ma aunt said she'd buy me and yana discman's.. thank u aunty, but seriously wat i said was true yesterday, if i had u for ma bdae id be so grateful already im so glad :) for havin an aunt like her... haha... all ma cousin's have grown up already... hakim boy.. so tall... so big, lost so much weight, voice so deep... im amazed... hahah.. and tha lil cousins like andy and khairul, u 2 are gonna be real hotties when ur older... hahah..
poor sheena and han boy... they both have 1 and 1/2 eyes insead of 2... hahah.. sore eyes... poor things... han has been on mc since last wednesday, plus another 2 days for him, so he and sheena get monday and tuesday off... hrmph... syaheed loaned vcd's for em.. got brown sugar... i wanna watch!
skool tmrw... not lookin forward, i noe imma fail evrythin so fuck it, seriously, i didnt take ma prelims seriously. fuck me. sucha faiilure, hah. i can still prove i can do this. id better go for tuition, mr tan wanted to call mom. i wish they'd actually help. nufail, i noe u can do it, no worries, i have upmost faith in ya. iamafailure.suchanufkinfailure.pullurselftogether.ushalldoit.
bob and bear and ben so cute can? hahha, ma hubby keep askin me to study, bear is always juz fun and ben was like, i serve evrybody, so he had to put ma food on ma plate fer meh... hahh. nothing eventful happened. i juz still need ma distance and ma space.watever. ma sis d/l dis song, very tha nice, wicked games by chronic future. heh. i wanna do rosy's thingy fer her now. laters.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:37 PM| 0 Butterflies
kjdhsf
i watched love actually yesterday, hahha, FINALLY... i like tha lil boy... ma gawd, freakin cuteness... learn tha drums fer tha gurl den he ran all tha way in to chase her when she had to go off america, hahah.so damn cute. i also like odrigo santoro.. since charlie's angels... wooohooo farking gorgeousness man. i swear~ like, WHOA~
im not nobody, and ur not anyone, :) hahah.. dat made ma day... u dun want a butterfly on ur other buttcheek? hahh.. dat'll be so gay~ hahah kiddin! nufailllllllllll smile babes. he's real. heh. i should go and figure out wat to use to maria's house. i had fun in town yesterday, den chillin wit ma aunt...
ps nufail.... i promie not to wash ur bag! hahah, much love babes, butterflies, so me, hope ya have fun in jb today, wont be tha same without ya :( guess i'll be alone today. heh.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:35 PM| 0 Butterflies
Sunday, September 26, 2004
my all
They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel that I
Don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter in what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
Cause there, there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try but they cant take that away from me
Oh, they, they can do
Anything they want to you
If you let them in
But they wont ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See I, I have learned
There's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul that they cannot possess
So I wont be afraid and the darkness will fade
Cause there, there's a light in me
That shines brightly, yes
They can try but they cant take that away from me
No, they cant take this precious love I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go
Oh, they can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I wont face the ground
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach
Oh, Lord, they do try
Hard to make me feel that I dont matter at all
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my dreams
Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly, yes
They can try but they cant take that away from me
who said simpang wont be tha same anymore?
sheena and yana, you're both ma angels. halo's shining so brightly. how do u guys hide ur wings from all to see?
Syaheed and Shaikh. thank u for all tha love and care u have shown me.
nufail, ma shining star. shining ever so brightly. wher would i be if u werent here wit me? and im glad he makes ya so happy :)
sarah, ma funky wunky rainbow. u have ur ways of makin people feel better.
adam, ma sunshine. dunt forget dat.
aaron, ur ma pot of gold! i hit jackpot when i found a fren like u~ like how nufail puts it, a totally unique and warm individual.
sheehan, ma lil darling brat of a bro. i'll always love. u irritate me juz as much as i irritate you, but always remmeber i love u so!
aunty oon... love u always. God did me a huge favour when he gave me an aunty like u.
sulaiman, tha one who always touches ma heart, tha bestest fren a gurl could ask for. always ther when i need ya. i always make use of ya babes, and im sorry bout it. i still love ya loads!
Rosy, i dunnoe how i would have survived without you. u always say id win an award for bein tha most patient, id give it to ya. u listen to me complain, u hear me talk cock and make fun of everybody, you were always ther for me thru tha good and bad. i hope i have been as good a fren as u were to me. (i can imagine if u see dis u'll say, nice blue*winks*)
to those mentioned above, thank u for makin a difference in ma life. good or bad. happy and sad moments we have shared together. ma life would not be tha same without y'all. u were always ther to pick me up when i fall. dust off tha dirt, clean ma wounds and say cmon now sab, move on. mistakes i have made, words i may or may not have said. i can still nver express how much i truly feel u mean to me. if i ever did anythin to hurt ur feelings i apologize sincerely. will anyone spare a thought for mine? if ya have, thank u.
<3>
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |6:45 PM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 25, 2004
nyeh
i HATE bein right all tha time~ it juz sucks dat im ryte! i hate havin that stoooopid 6th sense and bein ryte bout it. especially when i dont wanna be right about it. when i want sombody to prove me wrong, you juz prove me right. haiyer. like dat uh, y do i even hope? i noe i'll be proven right. damn. thissucks.com.sg/edu/my.pp or watever else shit they add at tha end lah. fark.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |10:00 AM| 0 Butterflies
Friday, September 24, 2004
blog
yunnoe, i realised, evrybody has a blog now, adam, time for u to make use of yours! hahha... we're all writng watever we hafta in our blogs, our saviour? i noe id be lost without mine.. thank u blggie fer letting me say wat i feel... *smiles* hahah... okay, madness..
today's maths paper was tha werst in nufking history. not only am i gonna flunk, im gonna flunk to tha point dat flunking seems not dat bad. dats how bad im gonna flunk. oh well. i still have time. i hope i can still do it. i need to get out of dis hell hole called bedok south. i need to noe dat next yr, i dunt haft repeat wat i have done dis yr. as if once isnt enuff.
aaron is an idiot. he made me call nufail at 3am to get him a tagboard. tha poor girl sounded soooo sleepy. hahah. im supposed to be tha ferst to tag~ haha, no lah, nufail should be tha ferst since she got tha taggie fer him. i didnt realise i knew who told maisarah to embrace happiness. it was a really big thing to do.
ma grandma is trynna force me to eat, i cant! i got ma farkin gurl thang, i wanna eat but i duunt wanna eat. dunnow lah, those lil garlic breads lasted me dis long.
i feel so bad cuz i feel like im keepin everybody from their true happiness. i am sorry if i am doin so. please do not let me keep u from ur happiness. dats not fair. i realised happiness lies within u. u shoundt really place ur happiness in others, as in u shoundt let people control ur emotions, like yunnow hoe when someone u like calls u, u'll be so farkin happy but when he dunt u be depressed? well... think of it as added happiness, and if he dunt call den too bad...u shoudnt let it affect u... but dis is wat makes us human... but when u place ur happiness in others, and they are happy too.. tha happiness juz doubles, triples, i dunnoe, its juz... flows.. hahha.. im so fulla crap. yana! get outta tha shower! i wanna go meet kakak and syah and yan... heh.
maria's house dis sunday. im lookin forward. i think. sometimes, ur mind puts u to it,but when ur in dat position, ur heart takes over. like dat day i was like, its okay, its okay, its expected but when nufail told me i could cry. hahah *blush* ,hope syaf will be ther. i miss her. i havent talked to maria in ages also.. hehe. and iman! when was tha last time i saw you? i hfta catch u when u doin ur clown thingy lah! hahah
much love. to tha people i have hurt-ed *winks* im sorry. i mean no harm.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |9:19 AM| 0 Butterflies
Thursday, September 23, 2004
grrrrrrrr
im not lousy can?
*grrrrrrrr*
tha com hates me! ma blog hates me! it wont allow me to link to sheena's and aaron's page~ stoooooopid shyte! dis is wat u get fer bein computer illiterate!!!
u said i missed letters out. imma check now. hahah. lets see how big an idiot i am. *knocks head on wall*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |7:51 PM| 0 Butterflies
dunnow lah i dunnow
im sucha idiot. i was typin away happily den i didnt realise i was signed in ma sister's blog... hahah luckily realised b4 i published it. but watever i wanted to say, i hope i remember..
i have much fun chillin today. thanks sheena, yana, nufail and aaron *smiles*
to mai and adam,
it something upredictable
but in tha end its ryte
i hope u have tha time of ur lives.
i read mai's blog... wat dat guy said is true. u found happiness. embrace it. go be happy... our frenship is still ther. im glad u make each other happy. its not easy to find smthin like dat. always cherish and treasure wat u have. u and me should noe dat all too well mai. like wat ma sis said, it was good while it lasted. i have moved on. but i cant explain y im hurt.
i wish nothing had happened btwn me and adam so dat u guys woundt hafta go thru dis stress now, and i woundt hafta feel dis way. i dunt wanna be tha cause of ur unhappiness now dat u 2 have finally found tha love and happiness u deserve. ur happy. happiness and love is wat we all strive for at tha end of tha day.
i wish things coud go back to tha same as it was before. when we were all happy together. (sings) *SO HAPPY TOGETHERRRRRRRRR* :)
i really wish i knew wat i was feeling. im sorry if i made a big mess of tha situation. im sorry if im bein dramatic. im sorry bcuz of me evrybody's torn. i really didnt mean it.
i cannot bloody wait to go kl. i need to get out. i need to be away.
aaronsies.. much love sweetz... you know we're herre if ya need anythin.. ther is love around. if ur ever down, think of Harry Kok. *WAHAHAHAHAHAHHA* okay, sorry. spastic moment.
i need to find maself again. find ma happiness. now, ma happines lies wit ma family. *smiles* ma frens. *smiles*... hahha.. i miss ma spastic, i-amuse-maself self...but im back.. hahha.. spastic-ness + i-amuse-maself back wit a vengence... wahahah.. ther's so much to smile about. ryte? duh! hahah... (examples of ma spastic-ness) hahah and im sayin hahah a lot again.
i was kinda freaked but touched when nadia called and told me bout her dream. she dreamt bout me on monday... she was in class and her classmated were playin tha oujia board... den she and her frens were like, ey, no good to play lah and all dat. so they made contact wit a ghost and the were askin it qns and all lah, den someone asked, do u noe anyone in dis class? and tha ghost said yeah and spelled nadia's name on tha board. so she was like, wtf? she said, if yunnoe me, show urself. tha ghost showed itself and lo and behold it was none other den, me. yes, me, sabreena, was a ghost in her dream.. *freaky.com can?* so she asked her classmates to go out, den she talked to me. she asked me wat happened, den, i said i dunnoe, all of a sudden im herre, i dunnow how i got there, i juz noe im here, den she asked if i talked to ma sis, i said i coundt contact ma family, i asked her for help, den she said she wanted to cry cuz she wanted to hug me but her hands could only go thru me... *shivers*
b4 she put down she was like, sabreena, dunt do anythin stupid, yunnoe we all love u. i was so damn touched. *smiles* its good to noe :)
and issa! imma take u up on tha 7-11, slurpee brain freeze deal. cheap thrills. hahah... nufail nufail. u found ur pot of gold at tha end of tha rainbow. *smiles* im glad. finally, evrybody gets tha happiness and love they deserve.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:23 PM| 0 Butterflies
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
gibberish
went to skool as per normal today... went simpang afta wit rosy and man and adil... man juz makes me laugh lah... hahha and im always so fulla crap when im wit ros... we were mkin fun of pple in class, imagining how it be like if in 10 years we had a reunion, we were imagining wat evrybody would be like... hhaha.. i went simpang juz now.. wit sheena and yana, at nyte, ma parents came a bit later, den aaron came... so we talk2 to him.. haha, ma dad was like, he smokes uh? i was like yaaa... den he adsked if adam smoke i said yaaaaa.. hahah.. i didnt realise how much i missed aaron til i saw him juz now.. hahah...
i dunnow if i over-reacted, its true, dat adam didnt noe i still had feelings fer him... he said i should have said smthin instead of acting all fine... he added talkin bout back stabbers at tha end.. wats so back stabbing bout dat? dat i didnt tell tha truth dat i still had feelings for him? gawd, like he said, he told me ther was no chance fer us, so i was trynna get over him. i tried.
i didnt go fo yoga today *sadness* hahah. i was still at smpang and it was raining sooooooo heavily... dang...
i dunnow how i feel now. i dunt hate dem but i noe i cant see dem. im sorry. i told mai, i guess ma happiness juz didnt lie wit him.. im glad they mae each other so happy and dat he's so in love wit her. she's givin hi so much happiness in juz a few days, smthi i coundt do even in 2 months, so yeah, good for them. juz realise u guys i need ma space, i dunnow how long it will take. but it will take time. im grateful for everybody now. im sorry if i have taken any of u for granted, im really sorry. life goes on.
titanic is on now... hahah rose juz realised jack died. so sad.com can? hahah, now she juz let him go, and said i'll never let go... oh gawd.
a woman's heart is ocean full of deep secrets. he exists now only in ma memory. dats a few lines from titanic. tha old rose said dat. so sad. =(
so many thought runnin thru ma mind today but ryte now i cant remember anythin lah. hah. maybe if i do i'll come down and write it out.
peace out y'all. and i hafta thank sheena and syaheed fer tha sunflower yesterday. and shaikh. thanks. thanks fer makin yana so happy. and fer makin me smile wit ur retardedness... hahah much love to y'all~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:39 PM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
betrayal
lemme juz cut tha bullshit.
mai and adam. im happy fer u guys. truly am. i juz dunt like tha fact i was lied to in tha face by ma best fren. i asked u mai, time and again was ther smthin goin on and u said no. i was stupid enuff to hope dat one day adam myte see how much i loved him. u told me to ma face, over tha phone, thru sms dat u guys were juz frens. i knew i coundt believe u. ther wa smthin ther i could see. u were ther when i talked bout him. u heard evrythin i went thru wit him. u knew exactly how i felt bout him. maybe dats y u were scared to tell me. okay. fine. i dunt wish t hurt, but i do. things were said.
adam, u juz sms-ed me. u said she did not lie. well when ma best fen tells me that she and tha guy i fell in love wit so not have anythin goin on, i tried to believe her, i pushed ma nagging doubts aside. if dat was not lyin wat was it den? avoidin tha truth? even if it was to a certain extent it would be lyin ryte?
nufail, im sorry u were caught in this position. i dunt want u to be tha middle person. im sorry u got dragged into this.
such a slap in tha face when adam sms-ed me and said stop takin ma anger out on mai. she makes him happy. he finally found his happiness. oh well. u 2 deserve each other. have a happy life.
let me make this straight. i do not hate u 2. i have forgiven u. feelings cannot be avoided. things happen. but i think i deserve some happiness. leave me alone. i hope u 2 continue to make each other happy, tha way i coundt make adam happy. but juz because i have forgiven does not mean i have forgotten.
when u get stabbed in tha back, u do not expect to jump ryte up and say, im okay, im fine!
nufail, thank u for ur shoulder juz now. thank u fer ur hugs. thank u fer letting me cry. i really needed dat. thank u issa for dat hug. thank u fer tha drink. thank u so damn much...
lastly, i have to thank tha people i have been takin fer granted. sheena and yana. im so sorry if i have not spent much time wit u guys cuz i was always at simpang wit dem. thank u fer bein ther fer me. tha people who have never let me down. i cannot emphasise anymore on how thankful i am. thank u.
nufail.sheena.yana.syaheed.sulaiman.rosy. u guys have always been ther fer me and have not let me down. thank u so damn much. maisarah and adam. its sucks cuz even tho im hurtin, i still love u guys. i noe u'll understand if i need ma space. i hope u dunt take offence to wat i have written mai. and adam, if u wanna hate me, go ahead. like wat u people have been sayin, im too nice, ive been stepped over too many times. thanks for tha lesson. i cant wait for tmrw. it is a new day. i hold no hatred or venom in ma heart, but hope. not to fall again. but hope, for tha strength to carry on. i noe i shall accept it better over time. juz like i have before. i dunt want u to hate urself mai. i juz need ma space
kudos to mai and adam. stay happy together. u too deserve some happiness. im glad u have found it.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:35 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 20, 2004
stupidness
yunnow how sometimes u dunt eblive how stupid ur? well, dats me. i was chillin wit mai and him on friday, in skool den he was goin back and forth from classes. i was feelin crappy and yes even tho i didnt wanna, i admit, kinda jealous. him and mai suddenly got close. nuthin bad babes. im glad u guys get along well now. hahah. so i wanted to sms ros and i sms-ed him instead! tha SHEER stupidity~ arghhhhh den i checked wit him he didnt get nay sms. thank gawd, so den i called yana, i went into tha hallway ther, and mai suddenly was behind me wit a look of disbelief on her face, sorrry babesssssss! i loveeeee ya~ heheh... den i went to her and we forgot to not close tha door and it slammed, and we were like.. SHITEEEE~ den we sms him ask him to let us out, his fe came to open tha door fer us. wahhaha, buncha idiots. yesterday, saturday... supposed to go out wit mai and nufail, bith coundt go in tha end so i went out wit yana and shaikh.. hahah.. cuteness lah they 2.. bite each otha lah, crappp lah.. hahah, shaikh's a retarded pole dancing idiot~ hahah he's still slash. juz cuz ur hair is a lil shorter dunt make u any less of slash wokays sweets.. hehe.. watched tha terminal wit a family. good movie. im sentimental and emotional and i cried a lil. A LIL ONNLY WOKAYS! but ma dad was on standby staring at me!! *growls* hahahh...
have u ever cried yourself to sleep. smthin's juz bugging you? well.. oisucks. i cant sleep and i cant stop thinkin. i decided. guys are not worth it. never will be. if i have to be alone den fine. ther will be times when u feel lonely. but u got ur frens and family. its enough. learn to be independent. never ever depend on a guy. guys are juz better off as frens uh. frens, frens and more frens :) oh well. ive already got people who make me happy.
peace and much love to y'all. thank u fer bein ma sunshine. Nufail. Maisarah. Yana. Adam. Aaron. Sheena. Shaikh. Han Boy tho ur irritating more of tha time.Sulaiman. Rosy. *smiles* thanks y'all~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:49 AM| 0 Butterflies
watever
so. found out he got tha sms. he sms mai and added haha at tha end. dats all he said. haha. fne. okay. watever. niwae found out dat we're goin malaysia. yay~ i wanna get away, even for a weekend. ma dad is givin us a budget of RM$1000 each. we can do wat we want wit it. but priority to our hari raye stuff ferst. we got tha baju aready so juz get shoes and bag. wahahha. jeans! skirts~tops~ shoes!! herre i comeee! ~WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE~ spending dat time wit ma family will be better. i'll get mai and nufail smthin... *smiles* i hope. heh. we all goin klcc.. finally, i have never gone.. hehe.... so ther's like a theme park up ther, so we all like yay, we gonna play~ wahhha... i cant wait! i know we'll have a blast! wit yana and ma sis! DUH!!!!
depression is a wasted emotion! totally.
i was thinkin.. open mindedness is not how open u can be bout talkin bout ur personal life. its how u a understand things without shutting out tha opinions of others. attacking an idea from more than one point of view. bein open to the views of others...
i didnt wanna regret wat happened btwn us. i dunnoe if i do. but i wana forget. by forgettiing tha memories, i wont hurt because i dont remember. tha pain would be over. i dunt deserve this shit. i noe i was never good enuff fer him. fine.i hope he gets someone who makes him happier den i did. he deserves happines now. i think when u are so cloe to someone and when someone changes or things force u to move on, tha one who gets left behind misses tha times, clings on to tha memories... i think he thinks imma lame idiot now. ouh well. i do deserve it. it was a stupid thing fer me to do. but i coundt help how i felt.
i love tha movie my best friends wedding. *sighs* he should have never married cameron diaz. ouh well. life's a bitch. you think yunnow. u think u have control over ur emotins, u tell urself u wont cry but a tear still falls. i cant wait to go kL. finally have smthin to look forward to. i hope we can acually get a hotel. i need to get away. i need to forget. i have i think. im better at forcing those memories outta ma head, and i will continue doing it. until its all gone. i shall feel no more. i dunt think i would wanna get involved wit anotha guy again. too much emotions,too much pain, when u actually reach tha level of comfortablilty, its over, and u have no say. ouh well. life sucks. always has. always will. but it has its happy moments. thats wat we all live for ryte?all dat suffering, for those happy times... life.......
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:09 AM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 18, 2004
dieeeeeeee
gUN. sHooT. diE. eNd. aLL. paiN~
-i-waNt-tO-bE-fReE-fRoM-aLL tHiS- faRkiNg-PaiN-
*fReEdoM*PaiNLEss*hURts*sO*baD*
:eNd:it:nOw:pLEaSe:
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |11:56 AM| 0 Butterflies
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
nyeh nyeh nyeh
i was falling asleep from studyin, so i started typin nay stopoid addy's fer blog's.. ther is this one.. i forgot tha addy.. but he had a cute blog. i played fetch today. you thrwe ma heart and i had to look for it. ive got no idea y find it so cute. heh. i went home today den ma sis called. ask me to folow her find a gift fer sudip. he's leavin tmrw. *sadness* we didnt get anythih. saw yan and ashley. its ashley's birthday today. haha. he bought a belt at zara. and he likes modest mouse also. he likes indie uh, so yeah, cool. hah. he was like, i'll show ya tha ropes of indie. heh. ma sis brought home tha teh arik crew cd today. syaheed and bona ide is featured on tha album. i kept repeating tha one wit bonaide cuz i can hear fique singing. heh.*weirdness* saw jj and all also juz now. gawd knoes wat i was thinkin when i like jj. somebody shoot me in tha ehad can? hah.. ouh yeah, i saw mac also juz now. i juz waved. he shaved his hair and man called me. wassup wit all ma ex-es today? okay, not really ex-es uh.. guys i was involved/ interested in. hahah. adam called me juz now. he was bored, he neva go skool, he got one hr tutorial also niwae, so not much loss. he called cuz he was bored and ther was nobody else. mai and nufail in skool. aaron at camp. mai went to fetch aaron from io chu kang juz now, aaron had riding. she said they were goin simpang afta. *haiz* wish i could go. but need to focus and study. got english and chem tmrw, and i didnt noe bout it til yesterday? ma file at tuition uh...hah. i dunt care bout sci and accts niwae. okay i dunt care bout chem. i noe i can get a 6 uh if i tried fer ma sci... okek, i shall try fer sci... i hafta do maths! maths maths and more maths! i dunnow how stanley does it. he's smart, he sucks at evrythin xcept maths and he sucks only cuz he always goes clubbin and dunt study. imagine if he did, he used to take A maths also so, yeah. issa and nufail and mai and aaron and adam went simpang i think juz now. i'll ask dem tmrw or smthin? maryam is goin off on thursday. poor adam. i really feel fer that guy. he loves her more den anythin or anybody else. i really wsh i could make him feel better. i noe we dunt fill up tha empty space she left behind but i hoe we still help... i havent talked as in really talked to him in ages. *i miss him*. hmrph. ther was public caning in skool today. 4 idiots.(including rahman big show but abraham didnt tell us y he got caned) me and felix were askin mr muru during hist if ther really was cuz he always does tha caning. den we were thinkin of pple we knew who got caning and adam came up and we were laughing our asses off at him cuz he was tha only guy who actually showed it hur, otha guy face damn stone and all, i remember he held his ass..hahah. me and felix could notstop laughing at tht memory mang. i'll remind him when i see him... one day w/o mai and nufail and i miss dem aready. nvm, i need to study. no more simpang. once in a while only. i need to werk on ma maths. juz 50 more days. 50 more das of torture. let me torture maself now so i can enjoy later. please GOD gimme stregth and take away ma laziness... hahah. i ca do dis. i noe i can! ma farkin maths!!!! i CAN and i fuckin WILL. i MUST! sabreena stop bein sucha lazy muthafark and do ya fucking maths!!!! stop bein deressed. stop thinkin of him. stop wanting to meet him. u noe all u'll ever be is his fren. and dats a good thing, cuz u'll always have him no matter wat. dah lah fuck. gotta sleep. ma head hurts. i hate maself for loving him. i dunt really uh but, i juz wished i didnt, life would be so much easier den. bye y'all. much love~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:59 AM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
grec
hey. yesterday was, cool. i went to study wit mi and maria and yana nd nufail. had a ciggie. felt like crap, i fucking begged mai. and i only got it cuz nufail freakin burnt tha filter. felt good den afta dat was fucked up. wanted to shit and puke at tha same time, went to tha toilet, so damn wobbly. sat at tha bowl. ugh. came out and squatted. wanted to puke. freaked mai and nufail out. they were like u okay not? u okay not? ahah. thx babes. much love. i wanted to go simpang. i missed adam and aaron. ma mom was pissed cuz i always come home late. ma sis told me to be home early. niwae they told ,e to rinse ma mouth. did feel better afta dat uh. i left early. called ma sis ferst. she wit ma aunt,ask me go to starbucks at siglap. took a cab down, she bought me a sanwich. a roast chicken pannini. den she wanna send home i was so sad. cuz we were supposed to go for dinner wit ma parents den they change their minds. so ma sis was like u could have gone simpang. i was like *ROAR+growls* hahh... den ma aunt had to go off, and masis ask her to send us to simpang. so i did manage to chill wit em, nufail had to go off uh. *sadness* we went to tha otha park fer a bit.. hahah, took a cab home. today woke up late fer skool. hhaha. ma mom so pissed. met mai and nufail and issa. adam called me. so tha shocked can. he was like, wher u and all. got no fren. but wonderin y he never call nufail. she tha one he always call if wanna go simpang. he belanje me food and drink. shiok. haha i always pay fer him niwae can? ahaha.. den me and mai waited fer him while he shower, he looks so cute wit his new hair. like small boy. we went back to simpang to meet aaron. me and mai left early when kaimana came. so tha sombong can. yalkz. hah. feelin kinda down. nufail and issa juz now... sweetness can. hahah da lah, i juz hurned cd! world at large so tha nice can? hahah.. prelims! grrrrrrrrrrr! gotta get thru dis. maths, i can do it, i must. i will. for tp's sake. for ma future. if i screw up i'll hate maself. hah. bye uh. ouh ya. saw maria and mai's 'hubby' bear and ma 'hubby' bob. byeness. wallow. walow. wallow. pathetic life. i stilll love it cuz i got mai and nufail and adam and aaron and yana and sheena and sulaiman and rosy. love em. <3
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:03 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 13, 2004
anacondas
hmmmmm.. yana.. thanks fer tellin meh.. i dunt believe u didnt tell anyone? it was a brave thing to do.. somuch shit you've been thru, i admire ur courage baby, and im proud of ya... i hafta start studyin also lah... yesterday supposed to be a gurls' day out.. naufail went out wit issa instead.. he's very tha nice can.. much fun.. i chatted wit him for a bit.. heh... hahah... mai called and told she she cant go out, and ma mom was like gonna go town ad i didnt wanna risk it, skali in tha end ma aunt never call so ma mom never go so me and sheena went town to meet sudip.. he's leavin on tha 15th.. for newcastle... so tha sad can... i forgot how funny and crappy he is.. imma miss him so much can? imagine how sheena feels, her best fren leavin her... gawd... if mai or nufail or adam or man or ma sis or yana were to leave me.. id die~ ok, obviously not uh, but... ther'd be smthin missing. im supposed to go study wit mai and maria, but i think mai havent wake up... niwae, afta we met sudip all, we were wit ashley and yasz all and farhan... yana and shaikh came also... sudip tha working almost adult bought me a meal at bK, den when we went coffee bean he bought all of us drinks...we took pics on his digicam all.. heheh.. we went to meet huda and saw ma mom and aunt.. we went to tha california fitness starbucks den saw mai and maria and bob and ben and emily... they like so tha unfriendly can? mai came talk2 to us den skali she followed us since me and sheena were taking a cab back... huda's fren is so tha nice can? hahah and afta bK earlier wher sheena didnt join us cuz she had to layan ashley and yasz, we joined em fer a bit uh, got dis grp of pple bside us, got dis gurl. so tha farkin pretty can, found out she tha one fique likes.... she has a snobbish air bout her tho.. fique should be wit yana uh, no not ma cousin yana, his ex gf yana.... they juz so nice and warm and fun... its juz too bad, but they make amazing frens also.. *smiles* we reached home quite early uh.. i chatted wit issa den ma sis was like MOVE! papa wanna watch midnyte movie... we ended watchin anacondas.. a lot of terperanjating moments.. tha grossest part was tha leeches... yalks, i still get so bloody grossed out can? hahah... den tha black guy was funny, tha guys are kinda hot uh i tha show, tha captain, obviously, uber hot body... his sidekick, dis chinese guy like uber hot also can? but he died and tha medic/chef hottie was ta ferst to die.. *growls* heh... so afta tha movie which juz ma dad, ma sis, yana, ma aunt and me went for, we went to simpang fer teh-o peng.. and fries.. was good uh.. hehe... and fer tha movie i had salted popcorn and i asked fer tha melted cheese seperatey, so i dipped ma popcorn in tha cheese.. yummy can? tha ppl were like, u want... cheese? seprately? hahah like YA! hahah its good okays! hahahah.... afta teh-o peng we went home and me and yana slept bside each otha cuz usually han is in tha middle of us... good uh, he bugged her... wahahaha... den we talked til ard 5... den at 10 like dat ma dad was like WAKE UP!!! i was like *ROAR* i should bathe now and go study.... i dunnoe if we're catching anotha movie again today.. *hopes much much* heh, i still wanna watch cinderella story, i noe lame ryte? i cant help it lah~ and i was lookin thru tha ikea catalogue, i waant a red couch fer ma hse! when i older... like uhmmm... damn grec uh and tha bedroom very city chicc urban-ish, must be dark and calming! i loike dis idea in tha catalogue, dat one when married uh... haha LOOOOONG way to go... mai was sms-ing.. i freaked out, please dunt scare me like dat again can? i love u much much tau! den i sms-ed him.. cuz i missed him. not tha physical things we had... juz him, how we were b4 anythin happened... how we were reallly so damn close, i could call him anytime and evrynyte we'd talk... w/o fail... i noe i cant have it back... he didnt even reply ma sms... *Sadness* but i noe y lah, i told maself i wont disturb him dis weekend cuz i noe he's sad... i wish i could cheer him up... id hold him tight.. -hugs always help!- dats smthin i learnt.. heh... okay i should stop... i want him back asa ma best fren, ive accepted dat dat is all we'll ever be, best frens? i dunt even think we're best frens nimore... he used to say we're best frens, maybe its ma sensitive, narrow mindedness and slowness uh.. he says all dat.. 'funnie'... hmmph.. niwae yesterday ma dad was talkin bout ma sis and syaheed and he was like, syaheed goin afta sheena, adam goin afta abeen, i was like WTF!!!!!! we'r juz frens can??? geeeeeeeeez! like uber good frens! haha weirdness lah ma dad.. so paranoid can? geez, niwae, gtg, sheena bugging meh. much love to y'all~ <3>
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:42 AM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 11, 2004
MY fique~
im choosing this colour cuz its depressing and im depressed can? its like, mai's fren's like ira(and more uh) in love wit fique~ like freaky.com can? i dunt want, den i wont be his lil fairy anymore, he's gonna forget me (even tho he remembered me and was like SABREEEEEEEEENA! when he hugged me yesterday) im his lil fairy can? now dat he has like a million and one gorgeous new fans.. aiyer, and thx aisyah fer voting... so sad.. he looks so, tha, Hott in tha official spore idol webbie can? and tha webbie is damn fucked up can? u hafta have some farkin myspace or starhub id, how tha fuck am i supposed to noe ma farking id, im not gonna read otha people's blog aready can? so depressing... i hafta stop sayin can, its like so irritating.. hahah *rolls eyes* aiyer.. its like, fique is soooooooooo gonna forget me already uh.. *sobs*.....*pause*.... *sobs again* i dunt want! at least he replies when i sms him, he didnt reply to sheena.. wahahah, im so evil, yeah yeah i noe.. y is he 23? grrr... one of tha guys in skool thought he was like 18 lorhs , heh, if he were ther be tons of farking hot girls afta him... ahahah... i'll be tha un-hott one afta him can? haiz, dah lah, go fique! i love ya man! yunnoe we behind ya allllll theeeeeeeeeeeeeee way yeaw~ heh... i think i spent like $2-3 voting fer him yesterday.. all ma netwerkin paid off.. vote fer taufik, he damn hott... whahwhah.. im evil.... he so does deserve it can? i will smack u if u dunt believe in him! *ROAR* i dunt want him to get popular can? im like jealous *folds arms and blows fringe* hahahah... i juz wanna stay his lil fairy can? *pouts* dats so maisarah can? okay i change to *make pathetic puss in boots from shrek 2 face* hahha like so tha long can? geeez... dah lah i wanna sleeep, later (its sept 11th aready, how many years has it been since tha 9/11 attacks?? 3 ryte?) hafta help sheena clean tha room can.. haiyer... and wat am i gonna use to town wit ma gurlfrensss? fucking pimples~ ouh yeah, one more thing.. *world Peace* hahah ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i saw this road yesterday... makepeace rd... ryte herre in spore... coolness kan, kan, KAN??? wahahha.. okay dah lah, sleep1 ma matressss is like sabrEEna.. heh. lame sabreena, lame. okek, byes y'all enjoy readin ma crap of a blog.
psssst : ma bdae is on tha 3rd of october. i loike butterflies!*winks*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |5:09 PM| 0 Butterflies
MY fique~
im choosing this colour cuz its depressing and im depressed can? its like, mai's fren's like ira all(and more uh) in love wit fique~ like freaky.com can? i dunt want, den i wont be his lil fairy anymore, he's gonna forget me (even tho he remembered me and was like SABREEEEEEEEENA! when he hugged me yesterday) im his lil fairy can? now dat he has like a million and one gorgeous new fans.. aiyer, and thx aisyah fer voting... so sad.. he looks so tha hott in tha official spore idol webbie can? and tha webbie is damn fucked up can? u hafta have some farkin myspace or starhub id, how tha fuck am i supposed to noe ma farking id, im not gonna read otha people's blog aready can? so depressing... i hafta stop sayin can, its like so irritating.. hahah *rolls eyes* aiyer.. its like, fique is soooooooooo gonna forget me already uh.. *sobs*..... *sobs again* i dunt want! at least he replies when i sms him, he didnt reply to sheena.. wahahah, im so evil, yeah yeah i noe.. y is he 23? grrr... one of tha guys in skool thought he was like 18 lorhs , heh, if he were ther be tons of farking hot girls afta him... ahahah... i'll be tha un-hott one afta him can? haiz, dah lah, go fiqe! i love ya man! yunnoe we behind ya allllll theeeeeeeeeeeeeee way yeaw~ heh... i think i spent like $2-3 voting fer him yesterday.. all ma netwerkin paid off.. vote fer taufik, he damn hott... whahwhah.. im evil.... he so does deserve it can? i will smack u if u dunt believe in him! *ROAR* i dunt want him to get popular can? im like jealous *folds arms and blows fringe* hahahah... i juz wanna stay his lil fairy can? *pouts* dats so maisarah can? okay i change to *make pathetic puss in boots from shrek 2 face* hahha like so tha long can? geeez... dah lah i wanna sleeep, later (its sept 11th aready, how many years has it been? 3 ryte?) hafta help sheena clean tha room can.. haiyer... and wat am i gonna use to towm wit ma gurlfrensss? fucking pimples~ ouh yeah, one more thing.. *world Peace* hahah ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i saw this road yesterday... makepeace rd... rte herre in spore... coolness kan kan kan??? wahahha.. okay dah lah, sleep ma matressss is like sabrEEna.. heh. lame sabreena, lame. okek, byes y'all enjoy readin ma crap of a blog.
psssst : ma bdae is on tha 3rd of october. i loike butterflies!*winks*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |5:09 PM| 0 Butterflies
hmmph?
i got loads to say but ive forgotten... i sms-ed fique and he was like, thank u soo mmuch for believeing in me.. NO DOUBT baby! REPRESENT! fO sHO! hahaha, wtf, nvm... u'll understand if u were therre... i met ai mai today.. pass her her file which she forgot... den bob and bear came, we go makan at techo.. tha chicken cutlet rice nice can? haha and i am noe bobby's 4th wife! hahah.. nufail jealous! nufail! u ben's wife can~ and mai is bear's wife... hahaha.. wtf... afta datw e went to tha tp library, guess which floor? tha 4th floor, wit tha red couches fer ya to sleep.. wheee~ hahah... i took so many pictures tau! and like niceee! den i send to ma email, cannot get, bloody muthafark can! cheeeeeeeeebai! so pissyfying uh~ i wanna put on ma frenster can? ouh den its like, nufail went for suppoer wit ISSA! at raimah's can! hahah... den its like we saw issa juz now, me and mai.. den ther was dis nufking hott guy wit him cAN?!?!?! den found out dat was issa's cousin ahmad! so fair den got curly hair... so tha hott can? den we called nufail, she doin project came down , den we talk2 to issa.. went to tha mensa canteen, mai went fer her test den nufail cabut project werk, so went to tha canteen, i dunnoe which one, i think tha design building one den like we talk2 to issa... den found out hamad got gf... i saw her.. she's chinese... no offence uh but when u look at em they dunt really match, he so stylin an she, dunt match up.. quite sweet uh *damn* (i admit can!) summore he usin brown jeans can! ouh!!! i finally see a guy who can help me get over HIM and he has a girlfren can! but i mean i think i also like cannot match up to him.. like yunnoe noodle and yadin, perfectness mang! but he so hott can arab... but like, hott can? aiyer... now if wanna go tp muz look nice2 can.. muz go tp nxt yr~ see ahmad! he and his gf 3-5 months.. hah okay lha i juz find him hott lah can? ther's juz space fer HIM now... i want a guy wit curly hair can? and bob and bear stop makin fun of me and kelmo can? like hellloooooooo nothing can? grrrrr.. i want aguy wit curly hair can!!! wahahha.. madness... curly haired guys ma weakness, but im not really into fair guys uh! i dunnow why... but he was hott can, uh dah lah, im not saiko or deranged... dah lahhhhhhh sick. hah. i wanna go town wit ma gurlfrens tmrw can. thank god for u guys. id be soooo lost w/o u guys can? *smiles*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:45 PM| 0 Butterflies
Friday, September 10, 2004
TAUFIK!!!
this blog is for FIQUE!!! *wheeeeeeee* thank y'all SO FUCKING MUCH for voting for him!!! he really appreciates it, we were goin NUFKING MADDDDDDDDDDD in tha studio! u should have heard me screaming! hahah... man when he came out, i was like tha last to hug him, i think he was lookin for me (overestimated ma height uh) hahah den he smiled when he saw me, i shall emphasize dathe bent down low and gave me tha fucking tightest hug i ever received in ma whole life~ whoa! i seriously like coundt breathe uh... and den i took a pic of juz me and hi and he was like, SABREENA!!! hahah den afta tha pic he hugged me again~ ouh.. niceness mang! he was like, thank u for believeing in me,,, and i was like, man fique, no doubt, no doubt! hahaha i wanna thank lini and ella and shikin and her whole family and maisarah and nufail for voting fer him~ i wanna thank all you people who voted for him, thank u! u dunnoe how much he deserves dis! i love y'all and i hope you'll continue voting fe rhim til tha end yeaw? much love to y'all.. you made ma day, and you heped fique get one step closer to his dreams. thank you~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:36 PM| 0 Butterflies
Thursday, September 09, 2004
life?
somethin was somehow missing at simpang last nyte.. muz be sarah... :) it was diff.. like somehow we didnt have much fun... it was fun... but i noe it could be more fun.. hmm.. went 'tanning' today.. hahh.. it rained on tha way to sentosa and we didnt bring tanning oil ad tha place was infested wit mats.. ther was dis big bunch on tha wooden float in tha middle doin stoopid shit, one of which includedwetting tha float and pretending to be sea lions, sucha embarrasment lorhz~ i dunt feel so well.. argh~ tmrw MUST go watch fique~ VOTE 03 FOR TAUFIK ON SINGAPORE IDOL!!!! hahah... he sms me and reminded to come tmrw... haha ma sis never get sms.. go tha honoured can? hahah sarah baby, dunt be sad can? i noe it sucks but... reality bites... i wish i culd help erase ur pain, i noe how it feels... maybe dunt sting as much as urs cuz he didnt promise me anythin... i dunnoe la baby, i juz pray fer u to feel betta soon... i love u always. nufail... i also love u can. haha.. yana, sitting beside me, eating quaker oats.. yalkz... hahah i love u, thank u fer letting me bite u all tha time and letting me cry over stupid things... i dunnoe lah.. adam freaked me out yesterday, sayin i backstab him and all... i wa slike WTFFF! skali he was juz jokin, went simpang wit ma family today, saw adam and aaron ther, they left afta a bit, lucky they didnt see ma dad manje2 wit me tho they were ryte in front, they were too busy talkin, waghahha.. i miss him~ i miss him.. i try not to... maybe i.. i dunnoe.... its like, when he talked to me bout his drean girl and how he noe he'll have her, she isnt tha one he cant have.. and all dat shit, dats y i feel like i'll never be good enough for him.. sucks.. its like, can i ever find a guy who cna match up to him? or close to even matching up to him? i doubt it, he's one of a kind... i'll always love him, alwas miss him, always think bout him... everythin i do will somehow be linked to him... its like... he's connected in every way and he dunt even think bout me dat way, he was tellin me how when he wanna meet hos cousin he'll do evrythin he can dat he will think will please her, like i bought dis shirt wit her, should use it? hmm, she liked these shoes, i'll use em, how will i style ma hair in a way dat she will like? can u imagine? wit me? ahhhh sabreena uh? look like one apek also never mind.. sadness but true... i wanna sleep now.. feel better tmrw i hope, i ate panadol, hopefully i wont end up like a puffer fish... meetin mai tmrw cuz she got 3 hr break... den i'll go home, dress nice2, look as good as possible, wit ma gazillions of zitsi dunnoe how dats possible lah but yeah and go fer dinner wit sheena and syah.. syah wanted to invite him along, as if he wanna go... puh-lease can? haiz... nvm.. i wanna see fique~ hahah.. please people! he's one guy who really deserves it, vote for him can? plesase lorhz! i love u all.. thank u fer bein ther fer meh! much <3~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:34 PM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
i want tha one i cant have
juz a sudden thought... i always say i want tha one i cant have. y do we want tha one we cant have? because we like a challenge, as humans, we are never satisfied. we want to prove to ourselves dat we can get it. u want tha satisfaction. gawd, it took me dis long to realise. we use up somuch energy chasing wat we wan. sometimes its sucha waste because we dont see tha beauty ryte under our noses. its not tha same. like how he wants her. but here i am. he wants her cuz he likes a challenge. he dunt care bout me cuz he knows when he wants he can get me. so does it mean playin hard to get helps? hmmm... depends. sometime. some people are satisfied wit wat they have. should they challenge it and try fer smthin better. when do yunnoe dis is a good as it gets? but i noe wit him it be different, if i had him. id keep him, i woundt get bored. he constantly challenges me. man dis is tha time when i should be talkin to him. someone to argue wit. in tha middle of doin ma farkin art. wanna shade also cant be bothered. haha. fark. i wish had tracing paper man~ seriously uh~ arghhh! ahahah... i guess i understand y we always want tha one we cant have. fer tha challnge. fer tha satisfaction once u do get it. but once u do, wher does it lead? will u continue bein satisfied? or will u get bored and look fer anotha challenge? we are creatures of change and habit. we stick to wat we like. habit. we constanly look for callenges to make life more interesting. change. so when wll i ever get him again? never. cuz he knows i want him. if i dunt want him also he dunt care. i guess wat i felt was smthin only felt by me. humans get bored easily. dats y we callenge ourselves. challenge wat people perceive us to be. so does dat mean people who dont are boring? or easliy satisfied? like... hmmm... wat a thought, damn i wanna talk to him bout dis. but he's slpin? i dunnow uh... best person to talk to when u wanna question smthin. i want tha one i cant have because i cant have him. would it be different if i did have him? hmmm.. thoughts to ponder. does dat mean we will never be really satisfied? how bout when i get married? settled down, wat bout when im bored and need a challenge? is dat y children are brught in? hmmm... weird thoughts, at least i noe im thinkin uh... hahah... i juz think its an interesting thought. wahahah. gotta do ma art now.. sleepy aready. i lost tha ones i smangat2 do uh! fark! put anyhow summore sabreena~ smack maself uh! idiot~ farkkkk! hahah we want wat we cant get to satisfy our want to overcome challenges and prove we can do it. hmmmmm.. :)
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |5:11 PM| 0 Butterflies
dopeness
waaaheyy, i muz really thank kristeena, im so touched, thank u sooo much sweetie~ haha.. nufail called me at 8am, asked if she could come over, i thought wat happened.. hah skali neva slp whole nyte, dunt wanna go skool, crahed at ma pathetic room at tha back lorhz.. haha.. den we went tampines, meet maria and adam fer a while, adam went home ... den we 3 went to town wher nufail proceeded to lose her wallet... den she called her mom sounding damn pathetic, her mom marah2 den told her they found it at outram, so we met mai den we all chill out, maria got some hair appointment, we went outram, den nufail went home and me and mai went simpang to meet adam and aaron... proud of u lah babe, u did well... we all now are frensies ey? nufail's like tha least complicated amongst us all.. wahahah, as i when it comes to relationships btwn us 5... man i wish i didnt love him, sarah baby, i feel ur pain.. haha, so close, wish could grab him and juz kiss him... but his face so changed.. :( kel was pissed at me cuz i promised hi i go town wit him but i went wit maria and nufail all... he was like so pissed, i feel bad but i dunt really care bout him... i cant help it, i wished i did so i could get over him.. but he's etched so deeply into ma heart. get out lah bitch~ hahah.. i havent finish ma art, will be done tonyte.. wheee~ tmrw MUST go for useless tuition... den i shall proceed to meet misarah and go sim lim to look at lap tops... den i think i am gonna meet maria and bob and nufail and bear? at tampines... den we gona chill.. i want tha 5 of us to chill.. cuz i thik tmrw will be tha last time, kristine's coming back... they'll wanna spend time togetha... we all understand dat... aaron was so quiet at tha bus stop. i noe im no as close to him as nufail. and i give him lame testimonials which he dunt approve, but i care bout him, ma wounded heart counterpart.. haha... i dunt understand y he means so much to me in sucha short period of time... all of em, ma sunshines. they give me smthin to look forward to uh. they make ma life complete.. without dem... i dunnow, im lookin forward to wednesday and thursday and tmrw also uh, afta tuition, afta passing up ma art... wednesday go tanning, thursday is tha results.. PLEASE VOTE 03 ON THURSDAY!!! TAUFIK OKAYS! hhaha... madness, i hope he gets in, he deserves it PLEASE VOTE 03 ON THURSADAY CAN?! LINI! DUNT FORGET! hahah... friday.. hmmm.. adam is gonna spend tha day wit maryam... poor boy, she's leavin fer tha uk soon, when i saw him at tampines, he looked so sad. i wish i could cheer him up. but i end up irritating him. i dunt like seein him sad. i dunt like seein anyone i love sad. im bad at consoling. i juz hate feelin so helpless~ i hate it i hate it i hate it can! argh! i wish evrybody's life ard me was goin ryte.. we are all happy, we are, but smthin's missing.. even fer ma sis can? hahah, dah lah, enuff shyte, sarah baby, we'll be fine! friends are better den nuthin... and adam, u owe me a new top, new top destroyer! throw ffries wit chilli sauce at me summore~ and a date!*winks* whahha... as if he reads dis uh.. sarah, nufail, sheena, yana. i love u guysmuch much tau~ thank u! :)
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |4:55 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 06, 2004
art
i hate art, i feel like not fuckin doin it but ive gone too farkin far...haiz,kill me, wont slp tonyte tonyte, finish it up.. dat'll be end of it. go for tuition tmrw. just shoot me. they are so useless.. explain also i still dunt understand, faisal and rosy still tha best teachers... had much fun at mai's hse today.. comparing uh... stuff *winks* yunnoe wat i mean gurlfrens.. hanging wit bob and bear and maria... i dunt want kel.. i realise dat... i want tha one i cant have.. hah. lini is wit najib, coolness... treat each other well yeaw~ haiz... mai is depressed on and off bout aaron..i noe how she feels, she still get to grec wit him... kristine is comin back soon i heard... oh well... ther's always afta dat? i guess we wont be tha same simpang group wit her back... so depressing... im home early today, ma mom's pissed. fuck it. fuck ma fuckin life, man im glad i got mai and nufail. craig david sang u dunt miss ur water tilur well runs dry, when does ur well run dry? ther's nuthin ther, he dunt miss me.. he dunt care, he may say it...he said it once, i wonder if anythin did happen dat nyte, wat it would be like now... would i regret it? i noe at least i have those memories again, bein in his arms. feelin his lips on mine. i want.
i remember so many things, how he sed to look forward to meetin me. he used to actually miss me. we used to talk evrynyte. he wouls send me tha sweetest sms-es. he made me think clearly. i remember when we were chillin and 8th world wonder by kimberly locke was on tha radio. we were singing along. den he asked me, do ya noe wats tha 8th world wonder. we looked at each other, den we both said you at tha same time. haha. how we grec-ed to tha portishead cd. tha last time we grec-ed. so strong. tha chemistry so strong. maybe its juz me, dunnoe. i remember when i used to make him happy. i sms-ed him late at nyte. y do u make me so happy? he replied, u make me happier. now? he's got otha gurls to make him happy. oh gawd, how i miss him playin wit ma butterfly ring.. nibbling ma ear. twirling wit ma hair. how he looked after we kissed that smile. those eyes. i wann stay in his arms forever. if i were piper. i'd freeze time when we're togetha... i woundt wanna let him go. lyin on his chest. talkin bout all kindsa crap. singin. how we rubbed noses. i wish i could make him happy, like how i used to. no point wishing, wishful thinkin and dreamin. i want him to stop makin fun of me. im not dat sensitive. he said juz now when they were makin fun of ben if dat were me, id take ma bag and say bye. did he ever realise, as sensitive as i may be, i never did dat? i take in all their crap. i try to laugh it off. i can sometimes. i succeed. i also fail sometimes and it gets to me. does he think dat lowly of me. i love aaron. he always cheers me up nd makes me feel better. i think im gonna be sick. i remember tha friday i was sick. iwent home st8. he called me ard 2+. asked me put for lunch and i coundt cuz i was sick. he said, i must meet sabreena b4 soccer. fark. feelings change, evrythin changes y cant my feelings change? its been a month since nuthin has happened. ive kissed another guy. it juz aint tha same. cuz no matter wat, i still want him. they must still be chillin at simpang. i want. i want him. i want mai and nufail. i wanna cuddle wit mai on her bed. i want nufail to be ther and kick our asses and say u guys dunt be dumb can. lets have fun. and we 3 would juz have blast.
i want so many things but most of all, i want him. maybe its because i cant have him. i dunnoe if he reads dis. i hope not. he said ma shoes are cheap. i wanna smack his face. i wanna shoot maself fer bein sucha fool. i dunt wanna die. i juz wish i hadnt been born. i dunnoe so many things. but i noe one thing fer sure i want, its for things btwn us to be like b4, when we grec-ed. went for doughnuts togetha. have breakfast or lunch togetha. spent time wit each otha and have fun. take tha bus wit him. us bein cold and cuddling up. y did it hafta change? y did it hafta happen. even tho i knew i liked him, if it didnt happen... doubt id be as miserable now, bcuz knwin i had him........ sucks. cuz i cant give him wat i did last time. i dunt make him happy anymore. he still makes me happy tho. always. dat smile. those eyes. a hug, even juz fer a while. bein in his arms. i gtg uh. dis sucks. thanks fer a wonderful day mai and nufail. much <3
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |12:44 PM| 0 Butterflies
Sunday, September 05, 2004
nufail
nufail, ryte back at ya... its seriously not u, no third invisible party, please, uve been close to him from tha start... and simpang or us willl never be tha same without u.. its tha 5 of u ya hear? i do feel left out.. but i never want u not to be close to him or not do have to do anythin wit him... he's ur bestest friend, he understands u in a way i dunt and i respect him for that, he makes u happy, juz likes how he makes all of us happy... baby, baby, its tha 3 of us, u me and mai, i do tell u things, but when it comes to him, i admit not to tell u stuff cuz u'll keep sayin ur tha third invisible party.. its like... im tha happiest when im wit u guys.. i was juz, thinkin yesterday... baby, u hafta hang wit us... ma life would be so different without u... i wish i could make us ee how womderful u are to all of us... u'll never noe how mmuch u mean to any of us.. i never want u to stay away from us... u dunt really make fun of me niwae... i noe he'll always love u, but i also noe u guys are frens tha bestest of frens... he needs u in his life. juz like how i need u, he told me yesterday dat he could imagine growin old wit his best fren.. but he cant imagine us, u me and mai growin old togetha and still bein frens... baby, we gotta prove him wrong, cuz i noe i'll never get anotha fen like u or mai ever again, im sorry i if i keep makin u feel like ur tha invisible third party. ur not. i shall say it again and u in ur stubborn-ness will never believe me, ur juz nufail, and we all nufking love u for it... ur motherly, independent, stubborn, smart ass, a gd listener, talks sense into me, violent outburts-y, i had tha bestest times of ma life wit u guys. no doubt, palms on tha floor... i wanna be ther when u find ur love, when u find tha meaning of it, when u graduate, when u get marries, when u get heartbroken, when u have ur ferst child, when ur child gets a tooth, when u get ur second child... i wanna be ther for u... baby... u guys are tha sunshine in ma life.. id be so lost wihtout u guys... ma pillars of support, i could never do without u.. please dunt break tha 5 of us up, u guys are wat i look forward to when i wake up in tha morning knowing i have u guys no matter wat, i juz smile, cuz i noe anythin is possiblewit u guys by ma side, i'll get over him, i have kelmo... wahahha, dat horny arse... even if i dunt, i have u guys, wher i need u, whenever i need u.. im glad dat ive been ther fer ya, but u've always been ther fer me too babes, more den yunnow, ur presense, when ur happy... evrythin's juz grec.. its tha 5 of us baby... 5.... i love u sooo much, and i dunt want anythin btwn tha 5 of us to change, pls dunt let it happen bcuz of me... im so sorry baby.. i never want u to feel guilty... its not ur fault... wtever btwn me and him is juz btwn me and him... nuthin to do wit u ya hear? i dunt care wat u say 5 of us ya hear... 5!!!!! no one is out... :) i loveee u so freakin much~ i love all of us... we're so grec duntcha think? wahahha.. baby, baby... i love and mai tau~ dunt let watver u 2 have change bcuz of me. i will not allow it. he need someone like u in his life. to calm him down when i irritate tha shit outta him... wahahha.... baby, remember, i love u, we all love u. nothing should change. bcuz its perfect tha way it is now. 5 of us. simpang. things will change over time, but for now, i woundt have it any other way. :) u guys make ma life complete...
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:30 PM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 04, 2004
friends
i am supposedly over-caring, too nice, i let people step all over me and make fun of me and put me down all tha time, pushing me into self doubt, i feel as if i have nuthin to offer, y bother bein ma fren? all i do is bore u people and be all emo.... im sorry to be sucha burden... all i say is juz laughed at.. or like, they'll juz say shut tha fuck up... u say shit, u sprout crap... well im sorry, i say watever comes to ma head staright, i noe its usually crap... i keep forgetting i mean nothing, i keep forgetting he dunt care.. juz one night of him holding me in his arms and i thought, maybe he did care, when am i gonna fucking wake up? fact is he never cared and never will... its been 3 months, today its 3 months since tha ferst time he kissed me, yes i remembered, yes i dunt carea if its dan lame and stupid, it meant smthin to me... i am sucha FOOL! sucha fool, wat aaron said is true tho, i have no best fren... he has adam. mai ahs nufail. they have each oher. i cant help feelin left out, they lal get along so well... but i really thank aaron, he makes sure im not left out... so does mai and nufail sometimes... i feel they'll have more fun f i werent ther.. i liked walking alone juz now, felt good... thank u so much for ur concern mai and nufail.. i lied lying down on tha monkey bars and juz lookin at tha moon... touching that they believed i could reach tha freakin monkey bars... im juz sorry for bein a pest and fer irritating u guys, i should stay away.. im like holdin u guys back from havin fun... i noe i dunt have tha strength.. maybe dats y kelmo is herre? i juz wish he werent so freakin horny.. and kinda girly... when it happened dat day and when i walked home... i cried, cuz kelmo wasnt tha one i wanted.. y is it we always want tha one we cant have? thanks fer letting me cry juz now mai..he took ma heart and he handed it back on tha silver platter, chopped into pieces, he lied.. he said he never wanted to see me hurt.. y did i hafta go over? y did he kiss me? when i asked him y all he could say was u dunnoe... y as i fooled by his words? y did i even think he cared? y did he lie? y did he? mai u may say u understand, i dunnoe, she's far away, he juz dunt want me... i hafta get it into ma head i mean fuckin nuthin... NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING> NOTHING. NOTHING. juz anotha pest he wished he could get rid of. i thought it was gettin better. never look me in tha eyes again. never tell me u miss me again. never take me into u arm again. never ask me to dance again. cuz u dunt care. u never cared. u never will... NOTHING.NOTHING NOTHING. NOTHING.NOTIHNG. NOTHING.
i go dis poem from sme chicken soup book.. when i have tha mood i'll put it up herre. juz shoot me.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:35 PM| 0 Butterflies
Thursday, September 02, 2004
hah~
y did i think smthon could have happened? it was ll talk, he dunt mean it.. i dunnow if he has ma blog addie, if he does, read lah okay.. watever lah.. fuck man... i hafta stop dreamin and to think i was lookin forward.. fuck man sabreena, get a fucking life...man i wish i knew how he alientaes his feelings... i kinda did dat... i dunnow uh... im rushing into things fer tha wrong reason... im doin ta wrong things... im juz pissed at maself... he juz nestled so deeply in ther.. i wish i could dig him out, somebody tell me how... juz when i thought it was gettin better, i irritate tha fark outta him, i shoundt call him tonyte.. he'll juz got more pissed.. fark... no matetr wat, he's till ther.. always, his smell, his taste, his smile, his eyes... they're all i see... hear,, taste, smell... his laugh.. i hate dis, i farkin hate it!
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |11:29 PM| 0 Butterflies
chances
i shoundt say all this, but i guess i juz want it out, he drank.. i dunnow if he was so sweet cuz he was high or tipsy but he kept sayin he trynna feel it but he cant get that buzz.... his fren really made things sound so much better... at least i have him as a fren, and he makes me happy as a fren too... :) well... yesterday, he was like kinda mean to me at ferst, in his playful way i guess, dunt wanna gimme sweet.. offer evrybody but dunt wanna gimme... arse... den when we were chillin he offered his hands to me.. i was like, ?? wth den i took his hands den we danced... he rolled in.. hahah.. i was like, wth? y is he doin dis when ther is pple ard? hmmm.. den he did it again den dis time he made me roll in den he hugged me... i dunt wanna admit it but i didnt wanna let go, i wanted to stay in his arms... but i hit him i was like arse u! when we were walkin den ask fer tha sweet, he was singing and lookin so intently into ma eyes, ughhhh, ma tummy churned, butterflies started fluttering... den when i was holding this thingy den his fren pinch ma tummy den he told him ey, u hold her tummy, soft but not fat, den i was like, wtf... go away, u sure gonna pinch hard den he was like, nooo... den he was like, no lah... den skali he carried me, wanted to put me on tha bushes and all... hahah... i was clinging on to him, i was like, noooo! i dunt want... hahah it juz felt to be able to kinda hold him again.. and he made it seem as if carrying me was so effortless... hahah... he's skoolin, haiz... okay we're frens lahhh.. yaaaar yaar yaar... ~ROAR~ ughhhh... hmmmmm i should be like mai, mmove on.. i got tha perfect oppturnity now, but somehow... he dosent measure up? haikel... hmmm... should i? i'll wait longer juz go wit tha flow, see how it goes... maybe i'll have smthin to look forward to again?
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |12:34 AM| 0 Butterflies
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
horlicks
i forgot to add dat when i got home and checked ma bag, i fond a packet of tha sweetz in ther.. so touched... ass.. haiz... its these lil things dat juz ake u go awwww!
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |12:46 PM| 0 Butterflies
reunion
it was a gr8 reunion.. i was sitting wit nufail all instead of tha hall.. lucky abraham never say anythin man! it was sooo good to hug lini and fateha and all... so good to see y'all man! but when marrria and syaf and sukhi came! WHOA! i lve tha hug i go from maria! *wheeeee* pays to be short i guess... its was juz so farkin good to see evrybody again! so damn good.. i went home afta dat to change den met up wit dem at simpang, we chilled ther til late an, 8+ , they were ther at like 2+ i came ard 4... but can u imagine.. so lonng ryte? haha... slowly evrybody left so in tha end we went to tha park and chilled... evrybody was in a melancholic mood man... in tha end me and aaron and adam were left.. we went back to simpang.. had a drink den go home lah... was good lah, evrybody was happy den melancholic and all... it was happy wit a tinge of sadness... it was good tho.. won forget it anytime soon... tha wound is healing but tha scar will always stay... mai and nufiii, be strong babes, i love u 2 much...
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:27 AM| 0 Butterflies
heheh
- KILLING ME FUCKING SOFTLY.TEARING ME UP INSIDE-
EVERYBODY'S BLOG SO NICE ALREADY CAN? MINE IS SOLAME.COM.. SHEENA PUT PICS ALL.. WHOA, SO PROUD OF MA ANGEL! WAHAHAHA... ALL OF US HAVE SORE EYES, DIS MORNING, BOTH OF YANA'S EYES GOT WERSE, HER EYES ARE FREAKIN RED AND SMALL TO THA FREAKIN CORE. MA EYE IS SO ITCHY. IT GOT WERSE DIS MORNING, YESTERDAY IT WAS JUZ A LIL SMALL. NOW ITS LIKE SMALL AND RED AND ITCHY. I THINK WE INFECTED MA AUNTY. SORRY AUNTY OON! I DIDNT KISS U SO U'LL GET INFECTED! REALLY! I PROMISE! HEHEH... HOPEFLLY U WONT GET CALLED UP TODAY SO WE CAN CHILL AT SIMPANG YEAH?
SO TIRED. WONT GO AWAY.. THA MORE I SEE, THA DEEPER IT GETS. PEOPLE DUNT BELIEVE IT. BUT I KNOW BETTER. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE. TOO MUCH LOVE TOO MUCH SHIT. IT SHALL BE STAYIN FOR A LONG TIME TO COME. DEAL WIT IT BITCH.
SUCHA DUMBASS. NYEHHH NNYEHHH NYEHHH.......
PEACE.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:32 AM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
hueted so badly
i feel so broken. emotionally. main me feel so pysiacally tired. so so tired. so broken.
nufail babes, im sorry. i wish ther was smthin i could do to help. i wanna see u this happy all tha time. i hate this feelin, i hate bein unable to help ya.
i wanna buy lime and 8 days. den i'll go to fique and say, CAN I HAVE YER AUTOGRAPH PLEASE? *SMILES INNOCENTLY*
i dunnoe y im feelin fucted now. i had fun wit aunty and sheena and yana and syaheed and dee juz now. hahah. kakak was goin mad in tha car, dancing like a idiot (think of beng or lian dancing to techno kinda moves) to slow sad songs... talked to mummy today, man i nufking miss her and francy. i can juz imagine francy, kakak beeeeeen! hahah wat is dat gurl, 12? 13? and she taller den yana! it was sooooo good to talk to mummy, and chill wit aunty, can always count on her for a good laugh. haha...
tmrw meet nufail and lini, study. i read a lil of ma old blog enties. so sad, so so sad. i cant give a flyin fuct anymore. i really cant. everybody. be happy. happiness u pple always wanted in ryte in front of ya, grab it. u have it, fuct it.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:15 PM| 0 Butterflies
afta tha o's.......
-i noe when YOU are lying-
yana has joined tha pirated sore eyed people. she got m/c fer tmrw. so does sheena and sheehan, so me and yana have conspired to get me sore eyes too... wahahha so tha 4 of us can stay home tmrw and grec.. *wheee* haha.. ma eye has been itchy since juz now.. but still can go simpang meet nufail and noora... hahah man i love u two arses lah... and i do not look like a puffer fish when i roll ma eyes!! and noora, thank u for tha whyte leaves.. ive never gotten white leaves from a guy b4.. heh. ma eye itchy now. *gasp* *chants* SORE EYES! SORE EYES! ahaha, madness, but im supposed to be tha strong one!~ haz, nvm, a day of grec-ness, hahah..
we went to fetch adam... kinda, we met him at kembangan mrt.. hahah, we walk from eunos sia! hahah.. den go home... hahah...
on tha bus on tha way home, i was thinkin of wat i wnated to do afta tha o's.. ma dreamw as always to be a dj... a radio one lah... hahah.. but i was thikin again... i would so totally love to be a kindergarten teacher! i noe tha kids will all have their perangai all dat shit.. but i can juz imagine their cute moments... man.. i really wanna be a teacher, maybe while teaching i can go learn mass com part time or smthin.... teachin lil kids, i sooooooooooooooo wanna do dat~ damn... i want can? got course in tp i can take early childhood... nufking coolness can??? teach at places at act 3 like dat... i soooooooooooooooo totally want dat~ somethin more practical den bein a dj i gues, smthin i can fall back on... sheena was tellin me bout tha course, guess dats wat got me interested... take child physcology and all... did i even spell dat ryte? ah who cares, as long as u get meh...
SORE EYES SORE EYES SORE EYES!!!! wahahhaha madness... if u cant beat em, join em ryte? whahah nufking shit sia~ much love to y'all...
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |1:25 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 27, 2004
loife
i have sucha headache. felt better afta a fag juz now. woke up kinda late.. ma sis called asked wat i wanna eat from macdonalds! had pancakes.. yummy yummy yummy, den went maria's house... so many people ther, was soooooo good to see maria and syaf! syaf baby! i miss you so damn much! hehe, hope u enjoyed ya free movie juz now.. heh..
too bad nufail coundt come juz now *sadness* it would have been soooooooo much more fun if she were ther... ma aunty picked me up from maria's house... they went esplanade and mai and adam went out all... hahaha... ma aunt said she'd buy me and yana discman's.. thank u aunty, but seriously wat i said was true yesterday, if i had u for ma bdae id be so grateful already im so glad :) for havin an aunt like her... haha... all ma cousin's have grown up already... hakim boy.. so tall... so big, lost so much weight, voice so deep... im amazed... hahah.. and tha lil cousins like andy and khairul, u 2 are gonna be real hotties when ur older... hahah..
poor sheena and han boy... they both have 1 and 1/2 eyes insead of 2... hahah.. sore eyes... poor things... han has been on mc since last wednesday, plus another 2 days for him, so he and sheena get monday and tuesday off... hrmph... syaheed loaned vcd's for em.. got brown sugar... i wanna watch!
skool tmrw... not lookin forward, i noe imma fail evrythin so fuck it, seriously, i didnt take ma prelims seriously. fuck me. sucha faiilure, hah. i can still prove i can do this. id better go for tuition, mr tan wanted to call mom. i wish they'd actually help. nufail, i noe u can do it, no worries, i have upmost faith in ya. iamafailure.suchanufkinfailure.pullurselftogether.ushalldoit.
bob and bear and ben so cute can? hahha, ma hubby keep askin me to study, bear is always juz fun and ben was like, i serve evrybody, so he had to put ma food on ma plate fer meh... hahh. nothing eventful happened. i juz still need ma distance and ma space.watever. ma sis d/l dis song, very tha nice, wicked games by chronic future. heh. i wanna do rosy's thingy fer her now. laters.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:37 PM| 0 Butterflies
kjdhsf
i watched love actually yesterday, hahha, FINALLY... i like tha lil boy... ma gawd, freakin cuteness... learn tha drums fer tha gurl den he ran all tha way in to chase her when she had to go off america, hahah.so damn cute. i also like odrigo santoro.. since charlie's angels... wooohooo farking gorgeousness man. i swear~ like, WHOA~
im not nobody, and ur not anyone, :) hahah.. dat made ma day... u dun want a butterfly on ur other buttcheek? hahh.. dat'll be so gay~ hahah kiddin! nufailllllllllll smile babes. he's real. heh. i should go and figure out wat to use to maria's house. i had fun in town yesterday, den chillin wit ma aunt...
ps nufail.... i promie not to wash ur bag! hahah, much love babes, butterflies, so me, hope ya have fun in jb today, wont be tha same without ya :( guess i'll be alone today. heh.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:35 PM| 0 Butterflies
Sunday, September 26, 2004
my all
They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel that I
Don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter in what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
Cause there, there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try but they cant take that away from me
Oh, they, they can do
Anything they want to you
If you let them in
But they wont ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See I, I have learned
There's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul that they cannot possess
So I wont be afraid and the darkness will fade
Cause there, there's a light in me
That shines brightly, yes
They can try but they cant take that away from me
No, they cant take this precious love I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go
Oh, they can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I wont face the ground
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach
Oh, Lord, they do try
Hard to make me feel that I dont matter at all
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my dreams
Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly, yes
They can try but they cant take that away from me
who said simpang wont be tha same anymore?
sheena and yana, you're both ma angels. halo's shining so brightly. how do u guys hide ur wings from all to see?
Syaheed and Shaikh. thank u for all tha love and care u have shown me.
nufail, ma shining star. shining ever so brightly. wher would i be if u werent here wit me? and im glad he makes ya so happy :)
sarah, ma funky wunky rainbow. u have ur ways of makin people feel better.
adam, ma sunshine. dunt forget dat.
aaron, ur ma pot of gold! i hit jackpot when i found a fren like u~ like how nufail puts it, a totally unique and warm individual.
sheehan, ma lil darling brat of a bro. i'll always love. u irritate me juz as much as i irritate you, but always remmeber i love u so!
aunty oon... love u always. God did me a huge favour when he gave me an aunty like u.
sulaiman, tha one who always touches ma heart, tha bestest fren a gurl could ask for. always ther when i need ya. i always make use of ya babes, and im sorry bout it. i still love ya loads!
Rosy, i dunnoe how i would have survived without you. u always say id win an award for bein tha most patient, id give it to ya. u listen to me complain, u hear me talk cock and make fun of everybody, you were always ther for me thru tha good and bad. i hope i have been as good a fren as u were to me. (i can imagine if u see dis u'll say, nice blue*winks*)
to those mentioned above, thank u for makin a difference in ma life. good or bad. happy and sad moments we have shared together. ma life would not be tha same without y'all. u were always ther to pick me up when i fall. dust off tha dirt, clean ma wounds and say cmon now sab, move on. mistakes i have made, words i may or may not have said. i can still nver express how much i truly feel u mean to me. if i ever did anythin to hurt ur feelings i apologize sincerely. will anyone spare a thought for mine? if ya have, thank u.
<3>
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |6:45 PM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 25, 2004
nyeh
i HATE bein right all tha time~ it juz sucks dat im ryte! i hate havin that stoooopid 6th sense and bein ryte bout it. especially when i dont wanna be right about it. when i want sombody to prove me wrong, you juz prove me right. haiyer. like dat uh, y do i even hope? i noe i'll be proven right. damn. thissucks.com.sg/edu/my.pp or watever else shit they add at tha end lah. fark.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |10:00 AM| 0 Butterflies
Friday, September 24, 2004
blog
yunnoe, i realised, evrybody has a blog now, adam, time for u to make use of yours! hahha... we're all writng watever we hafta in our blogs, our saviour? i noe id be lost without mine.. thank u blggie fer letting me say wat i feel... *smiles* hahah... okay, madness..
today's maths paper was tha werst in nufking history. not only am i gonna flunk, im gonna flunk to tha point dat flunking seems not dat bad. dats how bad im gonna flunk. oh well. i still have time. i hope i can still do it. i need to get out of dis hell hole called bedok south. i need to noe dat next yr, i dunt haft repeat wat i have done dis yr. as if once isnt enuff.
aaron is an idiot. he made me call nufail at 3am to get him a tagboard. tha poor girl sounded soooo sleepy. hahah. im supposed to be tha ferst to tag~ haha, no lah, nufail should be tha ferst since she got tha taggie fer him. i didnt realise i knew who told maisarah to embrace happiness. it was a really big thing to do.
ma grandma is trynna force me to eat, i cant! i got ma farkin gurl thang, i wanna eat but i duunt wanna eat. dunnow lah, those lil garlic breads lasted me dis long.
i feel so bad cuz i feel like im keepin everybody from their true happiness. i am sorry if i am doin so. please do not let me keep u from ur happiness. dats not fair. i realised happiness lies within u. u shoundt really place ur happiness in others, as in u shoundt let people control ur emotions, like yunnow hoe when someone u like calls u, u'll be so farkin happy but when he dunt u be depressed? well... think of it as added happiness, and if he dunt call den too bad...u shoudnt let it affect u... but dis is wat makes us human... but when u place ur happiness in others, and they are happy too.. tha happiness juz doubles, triples, i dunnoe, its juz... flows.. hahha.. im so fulla crap. yana! get outta tha shower! i wanna go meet kakak and syah and yan... heh.
maria's house dis sunday. im lookin forward. i think. sometimes, ur mind puts u to it,but when ur in dat position, ur heart takes over. like dat day i was like, its okay, its okay, its expected but when nufail told me i could cry. hahah *blush* ,hope syaf will be ther. i miss her. i havent talked to maria in ages also.. hehe. and iman! when was tha last time i saw you? i hfta catch u when u doin ur clown thingy lah! hahah
much love. to tha people i have hurt-ed *winks* im sorry. i mean no harm.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |9:19 AM| 0 Butterflies
Thursday, September 23, 2004
grrrrrrrr
im not lousy can?
*grrrrrrrr*
tha com hates me! ma blog hates me! it wont allow me to link to sheena's and aaron's page~ stoooooopid shyte! dis is wat u get fer bein computer illiterate!!!
u said i missed letters out. imma check now. hahah. lets see how big an idiot i am. *knocks head on wall*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |7:51 PM| 0 Butterflies
dunnow lah i dunnow
im sucha idiot. i was typin away happily den i didnt realise i was signed in ma sister's blog... hahah luckily realised b4 i published it. but watever i wanted to say, i hope i remember..
i have much fun chillin today. thanks sheena, yana, nufail and aaron *smiles*
to mai and adam,
it something upredictable
but in tha end its ryte
i hope u have tha time of ur lives.
i read mai's blog... wat dat guy said is true. u found happiness. embrace it. go be happy... our frenship is still ther. im glad u make each other happy. its not easy to find smthin like dat. always cherish and treasure wat u have. u and me should noe dat all too well mai. like wat ma sis said, it was good while it lasted. i have moved on. but i cant explain y im hurt.
i wish nothing had happened btwn me and adam so dat u guys woundt hafta go thru dis stress now, and i woundt hafta feel dis way. i dunt wanna be tha cause of ur unhappiness now dat u 2 have finally found tha love and happiness u deserve. ur happy. happiness and love is wat we all strive for at tha end of tha day.
i wish things coud go back to tha same as it was before. when we were all happy together. (sings) *SO HAPPY TOGETHERRRRRRRRR* :)
i really wish i knew wat i was feeling. im sorry if i made a big mess of tha situation. im sorry if im bein dramatic. im sorry bcuz of me evrybody's torn. i really didnt mean it.
i cannot bloody wait to go kl. i need to get out. i need to be away.
aaronsies.. much love sweetz... you know we're herre if ya need anythin.. ther is love around. if ur ever down, think of Harry Kok. *WAHAHAHAHAHAHHA* okay, sorry. spastic moment.
i need to find maself again. find ma happiness. now, ma happines lies wit ma family. *smiles* ma frens. *smiles*... hahha.. i miss ma spastic, i-amuse-maself self...but im back.. hahha.. spastic-ness + i-amuse-maself back wit a vengence... wahahah.. ther's so much to smile about. ryte? duh! hahah... (examples of ma spastic-ness) hahah and im sayin hahah a lot again.
i was kinda freaked but touched when nadia called and told me bout her dream. she dreamt bout me on monday... she was in class and her classmated were playin tha oujia board... den she and her frens were like, ey, no good to play lah and all dat. so they made contact wit a ghost and the were askin it qns and all lah, den someone asked, do u noe anyone in dis class? and tha ghost said yeah and spelled nadia's name on tha board. so she was like, wtf? she said, if yunnoe me, show urself. tha ghost showed itself and lo and behold it was none other den, me. yes, me, sabreena, was a ghost in her dream.. *freaky.com can?* so she asked her classmates to go out, den she talked to me. she asked me wat happened, den, i said i dunnoe, all of a sudden im herre, i dunnow how i got there, i juz noe im here, den she asked if i talked to ma sis, i said i coundt contact ma family, i asked her for help, den she said she wanted to cry cuz she wanted to hug me but her hands could only go thru me... *shivers*
b4 she put down she was like, sabreena, dunt do anythin stupid, yunnoe we all love u. i was so damn touched. *smiles* its good to noe :)
and issa! imma take u up on tha 7-11, slurpee brain freeze deal. cheap thrills. hahah... nufail nufail. u found ur pot of gold at tha end of tha rainbow. *smiles* im glad. finally, evrybody gets tha happiness and love they deserve.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:23 PM| 0 Butterflies
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
gibberish
went to skool as per normal today... went simpang afta wit rosy and man and adil... man juz makes me laugh lah... hahha and im always so fulla crap when im wit ros... we were mkin fun of pple in class, imagining how it be like if in 10 years we had a reunion, we were imagining wat evrybody would be like... hhaha.. i went simpang juz now.. wit sheena and yana, at nyte, ma parents came a bit later, den aaron came... so we talk2 to him.. haha, ma dad was like, he smokes uh? i was like yaaa... den he adsked if adam smoke i said yaaaaa.. hahah.. i didnt realise how much i missed aaron til i saw him juz now.. hahah...
i dunnow if i over-reacted, its true, dat adam didnt noe i still had feelings fer him... he said i should have said smthin instead of acting all fine... he added talkin bout back stabbers at tha end.. wats so back stabbing bout dat? dat i didnt tell tha truth dat i still had feelings for him? gawd, like he said, he told me ther was no chance fer us, so i was trynna get over him. i tried.
i didnt go fo yoga today *sadness* hahah. i was still at smpang and it was raining sooooooo heavily... dang...
i dunnow how i feel now. i dunt hate dem but i noe i cant see dem. im sorry. i told mai, i guess ma happiness juz didnt lie wit him.. im glad they mae each other so happy and dat he's so in love wit her. she's givin hi so much happiness in juz a few days, smthi i coundt do even in 2 months, so yeah, good for them. juz realise u guys i need ma space, i dunnow how long it will take. but it will take time. im grateful for everybody now. im sorry if i have taken any of u for granted, im really sorry. life goes on.
titanic is on now... hahah rose juz realised jack died. so sad.com can? hahah, now she juz let him go, and said i'll never let go... oh gawd.
a woman's heart is ocean full of deep secrets. he exists now only in ma memory. dats a few lines from titanic. tha old rose said dat. so sad. =(
so many thought runnin thru ma mind today but ryte now i cant remember anythin lah. hah. maybe if i do i'll come down and write it out.
peace out y'all. and i hafta thank sheena and syaheed fer tha sunflower yesterday. and shaikh. thanks. thanks fer makin yana so happy. and fer makin me smile wit ur retardedness... hahah much love to y'all~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:39 PM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
betrayal
lemme juz cut tha bullshit.
mai and adam. im happy fer u guys. truly am. i juz dunt like tha fact i was lied to in tha face by ma best fren. i asked u mai, time and again was ther smthin goin on and u said no. i was stupid enuff to hope dat one day adam myte see how much i loved him. u told me to ma face, over tha phone, thru sms dat u guys were juz frens. i knew i coundt believe u. ther wa smthin ther i could see. u were ther when i talked bout him. u heard evrythin i went thru wit him. u knew exactly how i felt bout him. maybe dats y u were scared to tell me. okay. fine. i dunt wish t hurt, but i do. things were said.
adam, u juz sms-ed me. u said she did not lie. well when ma best fen tells me that she and tha guy i fell in love wit so not have anythin goin on, i tried to believe her, i pushed ma nagging doubts aside. if dat was not lyin wat was it den? avoidin tha truth? even if it was to a certain extent it would be lyin ryte?
nufail, im sorry u were caught in this position. i dunt want u to be tha middle person. im sorry u got dragged into this.
such a slap in tha face when adam sms-ed me and said stop takin ma anger out on mai. she makes him happy. he finally found his happiness. oh well. u 2 deserve each other. have a happy life.
let me make this straight. i do not hate u 2. i have forgiven u. feelings cannot be avoided. things happen. but i think i deserve some happiness. leave me alone. i hope u 2 continue to make each other happy, tha way i coundt make adam happy. but juz because i have forgiven does not mean i have forgotten.
when u get stabbed in tha back, u do not expect to jump ryte up and say, im okay, im fine!
nufail, thank u for ur shoulder juz now. thank u fer ur hugs. thank u fer letting me cry. i really needed dat. thank u issa for dat hug. thank u fer tha drink. thank u so damn much...
lastly, i have to thank tha people i have been takin fer granted. sheena and yana. im so sorry if i have not spent much time wit u guys cuz i was always at simpang wit dem. thank u fer bein ther fer me. tha people who have never let me down. i cannot emphasise anymore on how thankful i am. thank u.
nufail.sheena.yana.syaheed.sulaiman.rosy. u guys have always been ther fer me and have not let me down. thank u so damn much. maisarah and adam. its sucks cuz even tho im hurtin, i still love u guys. i noe u'll understand if i need ma space. i hope u dunt take offence to wat i have written mai. and adam, if u wanna hate me, go ahead. like wat u people have been sayin, im too nice, ive been stepped over too many times. thanks for tha lesson. i cant wait for tmrw. it is a new day. i hold no hatred or venom in ma heart, but hope. not to fall again. but hope, for tha strength to carry on. i noe i shall accept it better over time. juz like i have before. i dunt want u to hate urself mai. i juz need ma space
kudos to mai and adam. stay happy together. u too deserve some happiness. im glad u have found it.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:35 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 20, 2004
stupidness
yunnow how sometimes u dunt eblive how stupid ur? well, dats me. i was chillin wit mai and him on friday, in skool den he was goin back and forth from classes. i was feelin crappy and yes even tho i didnt wanna, i admit, kinda jealous. him and mai suddenly got close. nuthin bad babes. im glad u guys get along well now. hahah. so i wanted to sms ros and i sms-ed him instead! tha SHEER stupidity~ arghhhhh den i checked wit him he didnt get nay sms. thank gawd, so den i called yana, i went into tha hallway ther, and mai suddenly was behind me wit a look of disbelief on her face, sorrry babesssssss! i loveeeee ya~ heheh... den i went to her and we forgot to not close tha door and it slammed, and we were like.. SHITEEEE~ den we sms him ask him to let us out, his fe came to open tha door fer us. wahhaha, buncha idiots. yesterday, saturday... supposed to go out wit mai and nufail, bith coundt go in tha end so i went out wit yana and shaikh.. hahah.. cuteness lah they 2.. bite each otha lah, crappp lah.. hahah, shaikh's a retarded pole dancing idiot~ hahah he's still slash. juz cuz ur hair is a lil shorter dunt make u any less of slash wokays sweets.. hehe.. watched tha terminal wit a family. good movie. im sentimental and emotional and i cried a lil. A LIL ONNLY WOKAYS! but ma dad was on standby staring at me!! *growls* hahahh...
have u ever cried yourself to sleep. smthin's juz bugging you? well.. oisucks. i cant sleep and i cant stop thinkin. i decided. guys are not worth it. never will be. if i have to be alone den fine. ther will be times when u feel lonely. but u got ur frens and family. its enough. learn to be independent. never ever depend on a guy. guys are juz better off as frens uh. frens, frens and more frens :) oh well. ive already got people who make me happy.
peace and much love to y'all. thank u fer bein ma sunshine. Nufail. Maisarah. Yana. Adam. Aaron. Sheena. Shaikh. Han Boy tho ur irritating more of tha time.Sulaiman. Rosy. *smiles* thanks y'all~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:49 AM| 0 Butterflies
watever
so. found out he got tha sms. he sms mai and added haha at tha end. dats all he said. haha. fne. okay. watever. niwae found out dat we're goin malaysia. yay~ i wanna get away, even for a weekend. ma dad is givin us a budget of RM$1000 each. we can do wat we want wit it. but priority to our hari raye stuff ferst. we got tha baju aready so juz get shoes and bag. wahahha. jeans! skirts~tops~ shoes!! herre i comeee! ~WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE~ spending dat time wit ma family will be better. i'll get mai and nufail smthin... *smiles* i hope. heh. we all goin klcc.. finally, i have never gone.. hehe.... so ther's like a theme park up ther, so we all like yay, we gonna play~ wahhha... i cant wait! i know we'll have a blast! wit yana and ma sis! DUH!!!!
depression is a wasted emotion! totally.
i was thinkin.. open mindedness is not how open u can be bout talkin bout ur personal life. its how u a understand things without shutting out tha opinions of others. attacking an idea from more than one point of view. bein open to the views of others...
i didnt wanna regret wat happened btwn us. i dunnoe if i do. but i wana forget. by forgettiing tha memories, i wont hurt because i dont remember. tha pain would be over. i dunt deserve this shit. i noe i was never good enuff fer him. fine.i hope he gets someone who makes him happier den i did. he deserves happines now. i think when u are so cloe to someone and when someone changes or things force u to move on, tha one who gets left behind misses tha times, clings on to tha memories... i think he thinks imma lame idiot now. ouh well. i do deserve it. it was a stupid thing fer me to do. but i coundt help how i felt.
i love tha movie my best friends wedding. *sighs* he should have never married cameron diaz. ouh well. life's a bitch. you think yunnow. u think u have control over ur emotins, u tell urself u wont cry but a tear still falls. i cant wait to go kL. finally have smthin to look forward to. i hope we can acually get a hotel. i need to get away. i need to forget. i have i think. im better at forcing those memories outta ma head, and i will continue doing it. until its all gone. i shall feel no more. i dunt think i would wanna get involved wit anotha guy again. too much emotions,too much pain, when u actually reach tha level of comfortablilty, its over, and u have no say. ouh well. life sucks. always has. always will. but it has its happy moments. thats wat we all live for ryte?all dat suffering, for those happy times... life.......
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:09 AM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 18, 2004
dieeeeeeee
gUN. sHooT. diE. eNd. aLL. paiN~
-i-waNt-tO-bE-fReE-fRoM-aLL tHiS- faRkiNg-PaiN-
*fReEdoM*PaiNLEss*hURts*sO*baD*
:eNd:it:nOw:pLEaSe:
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |11:56 AM| 0 Butterflies
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
nyeh nyeh nyeh
i was falling asleep from studyin, so i started typin nay stopoid addy's fer blog's.. ther is this one.. i forgot tha addy.. but he had a cute blog. i played fetch today. you thrwe ma heart and i had to look for it. ive got no idea y find it so cute. heh. i went home today den ma sis called. ask me to folow her find a gift fer sudip. he's leavin tmrw. *sadness* we didnt get anythih. saw yan and ashley. its ashley's birthday today. haha. he bought a belt at zara. and he likes modest mouse also. he likes indie uh, so yeah, cool. hah. he was like, i'll show ya tha ropes of indie. heh. ma sis brought home tha teh arik crew cd today. syaheed and bona ide is featured on tha album. i kept repeating tha one wit bonaide cuz i can hear fique singing. heh.*weirdness* saw jj and all also juz now. gawd knoes wat i was thinkin when i like jj. somebody shoot me in tha ehad can? hah.. ouh yeah, i saw mac also juz now. i juz waved. he shaved his hair and man called me. wassup wit all ma ex-es today? okay, not really ex-es uh.. guys i was involved/ interested in. hahah. adam called me juz now. he was bored, he neva go skool, he got one hr tutorial also niwae, so not much loss. he called cuz he was bored and ther was nobody else. mai and nufail in skool. aaron at camp. mai went to fetch aaron from io chu kang juz now, aaron had riding. she said they were goin simpang afta. *haiz* wish i could go. but need to focus and study. got english and chem tmrw, and i didnt noe bout it til yesterday? ma file at tuition uh...hah. i dunt care bout sci and accts niwae. okay i dunt care bout chem. i noe i can get a 6 uh if i tried fer ma sci... okek, i shall try fer sci... i hafta do maths! maths maths and more maths! i dunnow how stanley does it. he's smart, he sucks at evrythin xcept maths and he sucks only cuz he always goes clubbin and dunt study. imagine if he did, he used to take A maths also so, yeah. issa and nufail and mai and aaron and adam went simpang i think juz now. i'll ask dem tmrw or smthin? maryam is goin off on thursday. poor adam. i really feel fer that guy. he loves her more den anythin or anybody else. i really wsh i could make him feel better. i noe we dunt fill up tha empty space she left behind but i hoe we still help... i havent talked as in really talked to him in ages. *i miss him*. hmrph. ther was public caning in skool today. 4 idiots.(including rahman big show but abraham didnt tell us y he got caned) me and felix were askin mr muru during hist if ther really was cuz he always does tha caning. den we were thinkin of pple we knew who got caning and adam came up and we were laughing our asses off at him cuz he was tha only guy who actually showed it hur, otha guy face damn stone and all, i remember he held his ass..hahah. me and felix could notstop laughing at tht memory mang. i'll remind him when i see him... one day w/o mai and nufail and i miss dem aready. nvm, i need to study. no more simpang. once in a while only. i need to werk on ma maths. juz 50 more days. 50 more das of torture. let me torture maself now so i can enjoy later. please GOD gimme stregth and take away ma laziness... hahah. i ca do dis. i noe i can! ma farkin maths!!!! i CAN and i fuckin WILL. i MUST! sabreena stop bein sucha lazy muthafark and do ya fucking maths!!!! stop bein deressed. stop thinkin of him. stop wanting to meet him. u noe all u'll ever be is his fren. and dats a good thing, cuz u'll always have him no matter wat. dah lah fuck. gotta sleep. ma head hurts. i hate maself for loving him. i dunt really uh but, i juz wished i didnt, life would be so much easier den. bye y'all. much love~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:59 AM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
grec
hey. yesterday was, cool. i went to study wit mi and maria and yana nd nufail. had a ciggie. felt like crap, i fucking begged mai. and i only got it cuz nufail freakin burnt tha filter. felt good den afta dat was fucked up. wanted to shit and puke at tha same time, went to tha toilet, so damn wobbly. sat at tha bowl. ugh. came out and squatted. wanted to puke. freaked mai and nufail out. they were like u okay not? u okay not? ahah. thx babes. much love. i wanted to go simpang. i missed adam and aaron. ma mom was pissed cuz i always come home late. ma sis told me to be home early. niwae they told ,e to rinse ma mouth. did feel better afta dat uh. i left early. called ma sis ferst. she wit ma aunt,ask me go to starbucks at siglap. took a cab down, she bought me a sanwich. a roast chicken pannini. den she wanna send home i was so sad. cuz we were supposed to go for dinner wit ma parents den they change their minds. so ma sis was like u could have gone simpang. i was like *ROAR+growls* hahh... den ma aunt had to go off, and masis ask her to send us to simpang. so i did manage to chill wit em, nufail had to go off uh. *sadness* we went to tha otha park fer a bit.. hahah, took a cab home. today woke up late fer skool. hhaha. ma mom so pissed. met mai and nufail and issa. adam called me. so tha shocked can. he was like, wher u and all. got no fren. but wonderin y he never call nufail. she tha one he always call if wanna go simpang. he belanje me food and drink. shiok. haha i always pay fer him niwae can? ahaha.. den me and mai waited fer him while he shower, he looks so cute wit his new hair. like small boy. we went back to simpang to meet aaron. me and mai left early when kaimana came. so tha sombong can. yalkz. hah. feelin kinda down. nufail and issa juz now... sweetness can. hahah da lah, i juz hurned cd! world at large so tha nice can? hahah.. prelims! grrrrrrrrrrr! gotta get thru dis. maths, i can do it, i must. i will. for tp's sake. for ma future. if i screw up i'll hate maself. hah. bye uh. ouh ya. saw maria and mai's 'hubby' bear and ma 'hubby' bob. byeness. wallow. walow. wallow. pathetic life. i stilll love it cuz i got mai and nufail and adam and aaron and yana and sheena and sulaiman and rosy. love em. <3
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:03 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 13, 2004
anacondas
hmmmmm.. yana.. thanks fer tellin meh.. i dunt believe u didnt tell anyone? it was a brave thing to do.. somuch shit you've been thru, i admire ur courage baby, and im proud of ya... i hafta start studyin also lah... yesterday supposed to be a gurls' day out.. naufail went out wit issa instead.. he's very tha nice can.. much fun.. i chatted wit him for a bit.. heh... hahah... mai called and told she she cant go out, and ma mom was like gonna go town ad i didnt wanna risk it, skali in tha end ma aunt never call so ma mom never go so me and sheena went town to meet sudip.. he's leavin on tha 15th.. for newcastle... so tha sad can... i forgot how funny and crappy he is.. imma miss him so much can? imagine how sheena feels, her best fren leavin her... gawd... if mai or nufail or adam or man or ma sis or yana were to leave me.. id die~ ok, obviously not uh, but... ther'd be smthin missing. im supposed to go study wit mai and maria, but i think mai havent wake up... niwae, afta we met sudip all, we were wit ashley and yasz all and farhan... yana and shaikh came also... sudip tha working almost adult bought me a meal at bK, den when we went coffee bean he bought all of us drinks...we took pics on his digicam all.. heheh.. we went to meet huda and saw ma mom and aunt.. we went to tha california fitness starbucks den saw mai and maria and bob and ben and emily... they like so tha unfriendly can? mai came talk2 to us den skali she followed us since me and sheena were taking a cab back... huda's fren is so tha nice can? hahah and afta bK earlier wher sheena didnt join us cuz she had to layan ashley and yasz, we joined em fer a bit uh, got dis grp of pple bside us, got dis gurl. so tha farkin pretty can, found out she tha one fique likes.... she has a snobbish air bout her tho.. fique should be wit yana uh, no not ma cousin yana, his ex gf yana.... they juz so nice and warm and fun... its juz too bad, but they make amazing frens also.. *smiles* we reached home quite early uh.. i chatted wit issa den ma sis was like MOVE! papa wanna watch midnyte movie... we ended watchin anacondas.. a lot of terperanjating moments.. tha grossest part was tha leeches... yalks, i still get so bloody grossed out can? hahah... den tha black guy was funny, tha guys are kinda hot uh i tha show, tha captain, obviously, uber hot body... his sidekick, dis chinese guy like uber hot also can? but he died and tha medic/chef hottie was ta ferst to die.. *growls* heh... so afta tha movie which juz ma dad, ma sis, yana, ma aunt and me went for, we went to simpang fer teh-o peng.. and fries.. was good uh.. hehe... and fer tha movie i had salted popcorn and i asked fer tha melted cheese seperatey, so i dipped ma popcorn in tha cheese.. yummy can? tha ppl were like, u want... cheese? seprately? hahah like YA! hahah its good okays! hahahah.... afta teh-o peng we went home and me and yana slept bside each otha cuz usually han is in tha middle of us... good uh, he bugged her... wahahaha... den we talked til ard 5... den at 10 like dat ma dad was like WAKE UP!!! i was like *ROAR* i should bathe now and go study.... i dunnoe if we're catching anotha movie again today.. *hopes much much* heh, i still wanna watch cinderella story, i noe lame ryte? i cant help it lah~ and i was lookin thru tha ikea catalogue, i waant a red couch fer ma hse! when i older... like uhmmm... damn grec uh and tha bedroom very city chicc urban-ish, must be dark and calming! i loike dis idea in tha catalogue, dat one when married uh... haha LOOOOONG way to go... mai was sms-ing.. i freaked out, please dunt scare me like dat again can? i love u much much tau! den i sms-ed him.. cuz i missed him. not tha physical things we had... juz him, how we were b4 anythin happened... how we were reallly so damn close, i could call him anytime and evrynyte we'd talk... w/o fail... i noe i cant have it back... he didnt even reply ma sms... *Sadness* but i noe y lah, i told maself i wont disturb him dis weekend cuz i noe he's sad... i wish i could cheer him up... id hold him tight.. -hugs always help!- dats smthin i learnt.. heh... okay i should stop... i want him back asa ma best fren, ive accepted dat dat is all we'll ever be, best frens? i dunt even think we're best frens nimore... he used to say we're best frens, maybe its ma sensitive, narrow mindedness and slowness uh.. he says all dat.. 'funnie'... hmmph.. niwae yesterday ma dad was talkin bout ma sis and syaheed and he was like, syaheed goin afta sheena, adam goin afta abeen, i was like WTF!!!!!! we'r juz frens can??? geeeeeeeeez! like uber good frens! haha weirdness lah ma dad.. so paranoid can? geez, niwae, gtg, sheena bugging meh. much love to y'all~ <3>
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:42 AM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 11, 2004
MY fique~
im choosing this colour cuz its depressing and im depressed can? its like, mai's fren's like ira(and more uh) in love wit fique~ like freaky.com can? i dunt want, den i wont be his lil fairy anymore, he's gonna forget me (even tho he remembered me and was like SABREEEEEEEEENA! when he hugged me yesterday) im his lil fairy can? now dat he has like a million and one gorgeous new fans.. aiyer, and thx aisyah fer voting... so sad.. he looks so, tha, Hott in tha official spore idol webbie can? and tha webbie is damn fucked up can? u hafta have some farkin myspace or starhub id, how tha fuck am i supposed to noe ma farking id, im not gonna read otha people's blog aready can? so depressing... i hafta stop sayin can, its like so irritating.. hahah *rolls eyes* aiyer.. its like, fique is soooooooooo gonna forget me already uh.. *sobs*.....*pause*.... *sobs again* i dunt want! at least he replies when i sms him, he didnt reply to sheena.. wahahah, im so evil, yeah yeah i noe.. y is he 23? grrr... one of tha guys in skool thought he was like 18 lorhs , heh, if he were ther be tons of farking hot girls afta him... ahahah... i'll be tha un-hott one afta him can? haiz, dah lah, go fique! i love ya man! yunnoe we behind ya allllll theeeeeeeeeeeeeee way yeaw~ heh... i think i spent like $2-3 voting fer him yesterday.. all ma netwerkin paid off.. vote fer taufik, he damn hott... whahwhah.. im evil.... he so does deserve it can? i will smack u if u dunt believe in him! *ROAR* i dunt want him to get popular can? im like jealous *folds arms and blows fringe* hahahah... i juz wanna stay his lil fairy can? *pouts* dats so maisarah can? okay i change to *make pathetic puss in boots from shrek 2 face* hahha like so tha long can? geeez... dah lah i wanna sleeep, later (its sept 11th aready, how many years has it been since tha 9/11 attacks?? 3 ryte?) hafta help sheena clean tha room can.. haiyer... and wat am i gonna use to town wit ma gurlfrensss? fucking pimples~ ouh yeah, one more thing.. *world Peace* hahah ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i saw this road yesterday... makepeace rd... ryte herre in spore... coolness kan, kan, KAN??? wahahha.. okay dah lah, sleep1 ma matressss is like sabrEEna.. heh. lame sabreena, lame. okek, byes y'all enjoy readin ma crap of a blog.
psssst : ma bdae is on tha 3rd of october. i loike butterflies!*winks*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |5:09 PM| 0 Butterflies
MY fique~
im choosing this colour cuz its depressing and im depressed can? its like, mai's fren's like ira all(and more uh) in love wit fique~ like freaky.com can? i dunt want, den i wont be his lil fairy anymore, he's gonna forget me (even tho he remembered me and was like SABREEEEEEEEENA! when he hugged me yesterday) im his lil fairy can? now dat he has like a million and one gorgeous new fans.. aiyer, and thx aisyah fer voting... so sad.. he looks so tha hott in tha official spore idol webbie can? and tha webbie is damn fucked up can? u hafta have some farkin myspace or starhub id, how tha fuck am i supposed to noe ma farking id, im not gonna read otha people's blog aready can? so depressing... i hafta stop sayin can, its like so irritating.. hahah *rolls eyes* aiyer.. its like, fique is soooooooooo gonna forget me already uh.. *sobs*..... *sobs again* i dunt want! at least he replies when i sms him, he didnt reply to sheena.. wahahah, im so evil, yeah yeah i noe.. y is he 23? grrr... one of tha guys in skool thought he was like 18 lorhs , heh, if he were ther be tons of farking hot girls afta him... ahahah... i'll be tha un-hott one afta him can? haiz, dah lah, go fiqe! i love ya man! yunnoe we behind ya allllll theeeeeeeeeeeeeee way yeaw~ heh... i think i spent like $2-3 voting fer him yesterday.. all ma netwerkin paid off.. vote fer taufik, he damn hott... whahwhah.. im evil.... he so does deserve it can? i will smack u if u dunt believe in him! *ROAR* i dunt want him to get popular can? im like jealous *folds arms and blows fringe* hahahah... i juz wanna stay his lil fairy can? *pouts* dats so maisarah can? okay i change to *make pathetic puss in boots from shrek 2 face* hahha like so tha long can? geeez... dah lah i wanna sleeep, later (its sept 11th aready, how many years has it been? 3 ryte?) hafta help sheena clean tha room can.. haiyer... and wat am i gonna use to towm wit ma gurlfrensss? fucking pimples~ ouh yeah, one more thing.. *world Peace* hahah ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i saw this road yesterday... makepeace rd... rte herre in spore... coolness kan kan kan??? wahahha.. okay dah lah, sleep ma matressss is like sabrEEna.. heh. lame sabreena, lame. okek, byes y'all enjoy readin ma crap of a blog.
psssst : ma bdae is on tha 3rd of october. i loike butterflies!*winks*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |5:09 PM| 0 Butterflies
hmmph?
i got loads to say but ive forgotten... i sms-ed fique and he was like, thank u soo mmuch for believeing in me.. NO DOUBT baby! REPRESENT! fO sHO! hahaha, wtf, nvm... u'll understand if u were therre... i met ai mai today.. pass her her file which she forgot... den bob and bear came, we go makan at techo.. tha chicken cutlet rice nice can? haha and i am noe bobby's 4th wife! hahah.. nufail jealous! nufail! u ben's wife can~ and mai is bear's wife... hahaha.. wtf... afta datw e went to tha tp library, guess which floor? tha 4th floor, wit tha red couches fer ya to sleep.. wheee~ hahah... i took so many pictures tau! and like niceee! den i send to ma email, cannot get, bloody muthafark can! cheeeeeeeeebai! so pissyfying uh~ i wanna put on ma frenster can? ouh den its like, nufail went for suppoer wit ISSA! at raimah's can! hahah... den its like we saw issa juz now, me and mai.. den ther was dis nufking hott guy wit him cAN?!?!?! den found out dat was issa's cousin ahmad! so fair den got curly hair... so tha hott can? den we called nufail, she doin project came down , den we talk2 to issa.. went to tha mensa canteen, mai went fer her test den nufail cabut project werk, so went to tha canteen, i dunnoe which one, i think tha design building one den like we talk2 to issa... den found out hamad got gf... i saw her.. she's chinese... no offence uh but when u look at em they dunt really match, he so stylin an she, dunt match up.. quite sweet uh *damn* (i admit can!) summore he usin brown jeans can! ouh!!! i finally see a guy who can help me get over HIM and he has a girlfren can! but i mean i think i also like cannot match up to him.. like yunnoe noodle and yadin, perfectness mang! but he so hott can arab... but like, hott can? aiyer... now if wanna go tp muz look nice2 can.. muz go tp nxt yr~ see ahmad! he and his gf 3-5 months.. hah okay lha i juz find him hott lah can? ther's juz space fer HIM now... i want a guy wit curly hair can? and bob and bear stop makin fun of me and kelmo can? like hellloooooooo nothing can? grrrrr.. i want aguy wit curly hair can!!! wahahha.. madness... curly haired guys ma weakness, but im not really into fair guys uh! i dunnow why... but he was hott can, uh dah lah, im not saiko or deranged... dah lahhhhhhh sick. hah. i wanna go town wit ma gurlfrens tmrw can. thank god for u guys. id be soooo lost w/o u guys can? *smiles*
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:45 PM| 0 Butterflies
Friday, September 10, 2004
TAUFIK!!!
this blog is for FIQUE!!! *wheeeeeeee* thank y'all SO FUCKING MUCH for voting for him!!! he really appreciates it, we were goin NUFKING MADDDDDDDDDDD in tha studio! u should have heard me screaming! hahah... man when he came out, i was like tha last to hug him, i think he was lookin for me (overestimated ma height uh) hahah den he smiled when he saw me, i shall emphasize dathe bent down low and gave me tha fucking tightest hug i ever received in ma whole life~ whoa! i seriously like coundt breathe uh... and den i took a pic of juz me and hi and he was like, SABREENA!!! hahah den afta tha pic he hugged me again~ ouh.. niceness mang! he was like, thank u for believeing in me,,, and i was like, man fique, no doubt, no doubt! hahaha i wanna thank lini and ella and shikin and her whole family and maisarah and nufail for voting fer him~ i wanna thank all you people who voted for him, thank u! u dunnoe how much he deserves dis! i love y'all and i hope you'll continue voting fe rhim til tha end yeaw? much love to y'all.. you made ma day, and you heped fique get one step closer to his dreams. thank you~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:36 PM| 0 Butterflies
Thursday, September 09, 2004
life?
somethin was somehow missing at simpang last nyte.. muz be sarah... :) it was diff.. like somehow we didnt have much fun... it was fun... but i noe it could be more fun.. hmm.. went 'tanning' today.. hahh.. it rained on tha way to sentosa and we didnt bring tanning oil ad tha place was infested wit mats.. ther was dis big bunch on tha wooden float in tha middle doin stoopid shit, one of which includedwetting tha float and pretending to be sea lions, sucha embarrasment lorhz~ i dunt feel so well.. argh~ tmrw MUST go watch fique~ VOTE 03 FOR TAUFIK ON SINGAPORE IDOL!!!! hahah... he sms me and reminded to come tmrw... haha ma sis never get sms.. go tha honoured can? hahah sarah baby, dunt be sad can? i noe it sucks but... reality bites... i wish i culd help erase ur pain, i noe how it feels... maybe dunt sting as much as urs cuz he didnt promise me anythin... i dunnoe la baby, i juz pray fer u to feel betta soon... i love u always. nufail... i also love u can. haha.. yana, sitting beside me, eating quaker oats.. yalkz... hahah i love u, thank u fer letting me bite u all tha time and letting me cry over stupid things... i dunnoe lah.. adam freaked me out yesterday, sayin i backstab him and all... i wa slike WTFFF! skali he was juz jokin, went simpang wit ma family today, saw adam and aaron ther, they left afta a bit, lucky they didnt see ma dad manje2 wit me tho they were ryte in front, they were too busy talkin, waghahha.. i miss him~ i miss him.. i try not to... maybe i.. i dunnoe.... its like, when he talked to me bout his drean girl and how he noe he'll have her, she isnt tha one he cant have.. and all dat shit, dats y i feel like i'll never be good enough for him.. sucks.. its like, can i ever find a guy who cna match up to him? or close to even matching up to him? i doubt it, he's one of a kind... i'll always love him, alwas miss him, always think bout him... everythin i do will somehow be linked to him... its like... he's connected in every way and he dunt even think bout me dat way, he was tellin me how when he wanna meet hos cousin he'll do evrythin he can dat he will think will please her, like i bought dis shirt wit her, should use it? hmm, she liked these shoes, i'll use em, how will i style ma hair in a way dat she will like? can u imagine? wit me? ahhhh sabreena uh? look like one apek also never mind.. sadness but true... i wanna sleep now.. feel better tmrw i hope, i ate panadol, hopefully i wont end up like a puffer fish... meetin mai tmrw cuz she got 3 hr break... den i'll go home, dress nice2, look as good as possible, wit ma gazillions of zitsi dunnoe how dats possible lah but yeah and go fer dinner wit sheena and syah.. syah wanted to invite him along, as if he wanna go... puh-lease can? haiz... nvm.. i wanna see fique~ hahah.. please people! he's one guy who really deserves it, vote for him can? plesase lorhz! i love u all.. thank u fer bein ther fer meh! much <3~
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:34 PM| 0 Butterflies
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
i want tha one i cant have
juz a sudden thought... i always say i want tha one i cant have. y do we want tha one we cant have? because we like a challenge, as humans, we are never satisfied. we want to prove to ourselves dat we can get it. u want tha satisfaction. gawd, it took me dis long to realise. we use up somuch energy chasing wat we wan. sometimes its sucha waste because we dont see tha beauty ryte under our noses. its not tha same. like how he wants her. but here i am. he wants her cuz he likes a challenge. he dunt care bout me cuz he knows when he wants he can get me. so does it mean playin hard to get helps? hmmm... depends. sometime. some people are satisfied wit wat they have. should they challenge it and try fer smthin better. when do yunnoe dis is a good as it gets? but i noe wit him it be different, if i had him. id keep him, i woundt get bored. he constantly challenges me. man dis is tha time when i should be talkin to him. someone to argue wit. in tha middle of doin ma farkin art. wanna shade also cant be bothered. haha. fark. i wish had tracing paper man~ seriously uh~ arghhh! ahahah... i guess i understand y we always want tha one we cant have. fer tha challnge. fer tha satisfaction once u do get it. but once u do, wher does it lead? will u continue bein satisfied? or will u get bored and look fer anotha challenge? we are creatures of change and habit. we stick to wat we like. habit. we constanly look for callenges to make life more interesting. change. so when wll i ever get him again? never. cuz he knows i want him. if i dunt want him also he dunt care. i guess wat i felt was smthin only felt by me. humans get bored easily. dats y we callenge ourselves. challenge wat people perceive us to be. so does dat mean people who dont are boring? or easliy satisfied? like... hmmm... wat a thought, damn i wanna talk to him bout dis. but he's slpin? i dunnow uh... best person to talk to when u wanna question smthin. i want tha one i cant have because i cant have him. would it be different if i did have him? hmmm.. thoughts to ponder. does dat mean we will never be really satisfied? how bout when i get married? settled down, wat bout when im bored and need a challenge? is dat y children are brught in? hmmm... weird thoughts, at least i noe im thinkin uh... hahah... i juz think its an interesting thought. wahahah. gotta do ma art now.. sleepy aready. i lost tha ones i smangat2 do uh! fark! put anyhow summore sabreena~ smack maself uh! idiot~ farkkkk! hahah we want wat we cant get to satisfy our want to overcome challenges and prove we can do it. hmmmmm.. :)
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |5:11 PM| 0 Butterflies
dopeness
waaaheyy, i muz really thank kristeena, im so touched, thank u sooo much sweetie~ haha.. nufail called me at 8am, asked if she could come over, i thought wat happened.. hah skali neva slp whole nyte, dunt wanna go skool, crahed at ma pathetic room at tha back lorhz.. haha.. den we went tampines, meet maria and adam fer a while, adam went home ... den we 3 went to town wher nufail proceeded to lose her wallet... den she called her mom sounding damn pathetic, her mom marah2 den told her they found it at outram, so we met mai den we all chill out, maria got some hair appointment, we went outram, den nufail went home and me and mai went simpang to meet adam and aaron... proud of u lah babe, u did well... we all now are frensies ey? nufail's like tha least complicated amongst us all.. wahahah, as i when it comes to relationships btwn us 5... man i wish i didnt love him, sarah baby, i feel ur pain.. haha, so close, wish could grab him and juz kiss him... but his face so changed.. :( kel was pissed at me cuz i promised hi i go town wit him but i went wit maria and nufail all... he was like so pissed, i feel bad but i dunt really care bout him... i cant help it, i wished i did so i could get over him.. but he's etched so deeply into ma heart. get out lah bitch~ hahah.. i havent finish ma art, will be done tonyte.. wheee~ tmrw MUST go for useless tuition... den i shall proceed to meet misarah and go sim lim to look at lap tops... den i think i am gonna meet maria and bob and nufail and bear? at tampines... den we gona chill.. i want tha 5 of us to chill.. cuz i thik tmrw will be tha last time, kristine's coming back... they'll wanna spend time togetha... we all understand dat... aaron was so quiet at tha bus stop. i noe im no as close to him as nufail. and i give him lame testimonials which he dunt approve, but i care bout him, ma wounded heart counterpart.. haha... i dunt understand y he means so much to me in sucha short period of time... all of em, ma sunshines. they give me smthin to look forward to uh. they make ma life complete.. without dem... i dunnow, im lookin forward to wednesday and thursday and tmrw also uh, afta tuition, afta passing up ma art... wednesday go tanning, thursday is tha results.. PLEASE VOTE 03 ON THURSDAY!!! TAUFIK OKAYS! hhaha... madness, i hope he gets in, he deserves it PLEASE VOTE 03 ON THURSADAY CAN?! LINI! DUNT FORGET! hahah... friday.. hmmm.. adam is gonna spend tha day wit maryam... poor boy, she's leavin fer tha uk soon, when i saw him at tampines, he looked so sad. i wish i could cheer him up. but i end up irritating him. i dunt like seein him sad. i dunt like seein anyone i love sad. im bad at consoling. i juz hate feelin so helpless~ i hate it i hate it i hate it can! argh! i wish evrybody's life ard me was goin ryte.. we are all happy, we are, but smthin's missing.. even fer ma sis can? hahah, dah lah, enuff shyte, sarah baby, we'll be fine! friends are better den nuthin... and adam, u owe me a new top, new top destroyer! throw ffries wit chilli sauce at me summore~ and a date!*winks* whahha... as if he reads dis uh.. sarah, nufail, sheena, yana. i love u guysmuch much tau~ thank u! :)
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |4:55 PM| 0 Butterflies
Monday, September 06, 2004
art
i hate art, i feel like not fuckin doin it but ive gone too farkin far...haiz,kill me, wont slp tonyte tonyte, finish it up.. dat'll be end of it. go for tuition tmrw. just shoot me. they are so useless.. explain also i still dunt understand, faisal and rosy still tha best teachers... had much fun at mai's hse today.. comparing uh... stuff *winks* yunnoe wat i mean gurlfrens.. hanging wit bob and bear and maria... i dunt want kel.. i realise dat... i want tha one i cant have.. hah. lini is wit najib, coolness... treat each other well yeaw~ haiz... mai is depressed on and off bout aaron..i noe how she feels, she still get to grec wit him... kristine is comin back soon i heard... oh well... ther's always afta dat? i guess we wont be tha same simpang group wit her back... so depressing... im home early today, ma mom's pissed. fuck it. fuck ma fuckin life, man im glad i got mai and nufail. craig david sang u dunt miss ur water tilur well runs dry, when does ur well run dry? ther's nuthin ther, he dunt miss me.. he dunt care, he may say it...he said it once, i wonder if anythin did happen dat nyte, wat it would be like now... would i regret it? i noe at least i have those memories again, bein in his arms. feelin his lips on mine. i want.
i remember so many things, how he sed to look forward to meetin me. he used to actually miss me. we used to talk evrynyte. he wouls send me tha sweetest sms-es. he made me think clearly. i remember when we were chillin and 8th world wonder by kimberly locke was on tha radio. we were singing along. den he asked me, do ya noe wats tha 8th world wonder. we looked at each other, den we both said you at tha same time. haha. how we grec-ed to tha portishead cd. tha last time we grec-ed. so strong. tha chemistry so strong. maybe its juz me, dunnoe. i remember when i used to make him happy. i sms-ed him late at nyte. y do u make me so happy? he replied, u make me happier. now? he's got otha gurls to make him happy. oh gawd, how i miss him playin wit ma butterfly ring.. nibbling ma ear. twirling wit ma hair. how he looked after we kissed that smile. those eyes. i wann stay in his arms forever. if i were piper. i'd freeze time when we're togetha... i woundt wanna let him go. lyin on his chest. talkin bout all kindsa crap. singin. how we rubbed noses. i wish i could make him happy, like how i used to. no point wishing, wishful thinkin and dreamin. i want him to stop makin fun of me. im not dat sensitive. he said juz now when they were makin fun of ben if dat were me, id take ma bag and say bye. did he ever realise, as sensitive as i may be, i never did dat? i take in all their crap. i try to laugh it off. i can sometimes. i succeed. i also fail sometimes and it gets to me. does he think dat lowly of me. i love aaron. he always cheers me up nd makes me feel better. i think im gonna be sick. i remember tha friday i was sick. iwent home st8. he called me ard 2+. asked me put for lunch and i coundt cuz i was sick. he said, i must meet sabreena b4 soccer. fark. feelings change, evrythin changes y cant my feelings change? its been a month since nuthin has happened. ive kissed another guy. it juz aint tha same. cuz no matter wat, i still want him. they must still be chillin at simpang. i want. i want him. i want mai and nufail. i wanna cuddle wit mai on her bed. i want nufail to be ther and kick our asses and say u guys dunt be dumb can. lets have fun. and we 3 would juz have blast.
i want so many things but most of all, i want him. maybe its because i cant have him. i dunnoe if he reads dis. i hope not. he said ma shoes are cheap. i wanna smack his face. i wanna shoot maself fer bein sucha fool. i dunt wanna die. i juz wish i hadnt been born. i dunnoe so many things. but i noe one thing fer sure i want, its for things btwn us to be like b4, when we grec-ed. went for doughnuts togetha. have breakfast or lunch togetha. spent time wit each otha and have fun. take tha bus wit him. us bein cold and cuddling up. y did it hafta change? y did it hafta happen. even tho i knew i liked him, if it didnt happen... doubt id be as miserable now, bcuz knwin i had him........ sucks. cuz i cant give him wat i did last time. i dunt make him happy anymore. he still makes me happy tho. always. dat smile. those eyes. a hug, even juz fer a while. bein in his arms. i gtg uh. dis sucks. thanks fer a wonderful day mai and nufail. much <3
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |12:44 PM| 0 Butterflies
Sunday, September 05, 2004
nufail
nufail, ryte back at ya... its seriously not u, no third invisible party, please, uve been close to him from tha start... and simpang or us willl never be tha same without u.. its tha 5 of u ya hear? i do feel left out.. but i never want u not to be close to him or not do have to do anythin wit him... he's ur bestest friend, he understands u in a way i dunt and i respect him for that, he makes u happy, juz likes how he makes all of us happy... baby, baby, its tha 3 of us, u me and mai, i do tell u things, but when it comes to him, i admit not to tell u stuff cuz u'll keep sayin ur tha third invisible party.. its like... im tha happiest when im wit u guys.. i was juz, thinkin yesterday... baby, u hafta hang wit us... ma life would be so different without u... i wish i could make us ee how womderful u are to all of us... u'll never noe how mmuch u mean to any of us.. i never want u to stay away from us... u dunt really make fun of me niwae... i noe he'll always love u, but i also noe u guys are frens tha bestest of frens... he needs u in his life. juz like how i need u, he told me yesterday dat he could imagine growin old wit his best fren.. but he cant imagine us, u me and mai growin old togetha and still bein frens... baby, we gotta prove him wrong, cuz i noe i'll never get anotha fen like u or mai ever again, im sorry i if i keep makin u feel like ur tha invisible third party. ur not. i shall say it again and u in ur stubborn-ness will never believe me, ur juz nufail, and we all nufking love u for it... ur motherly, independent, stubborn, smart ass, a gd listener, talks sense into me, violent outburts-y, i had tha bestest times of ma life wit u guys. no doubt, palms on tha floor... i wanna be ther when u find ur love, when u find tha meaning of it, when u graduate, when u get marries, when u get heartbroken, when u have ur ferst child, when ur child gets a tooth, when u get ur second child... i wanna be ther for u... baby... u guys are tha sunshine in ma life.. id be so lost wihtout u guys... ma pillars of support, i could never do without u.. please dunt break tha 5 of us up, u guys are wat i look forward to when i wake up in tha morning knowing i have u guys no matter wat, i juz smile, cuz i noe anythin is possiblewit u guys by ma side, i'll get over him, i have kelmo... wahahha, dat horny arse... even if i dunt, i have u guys, wher i need u, whenever i need u.. im glad dat ive been ther fer ya, but u've always been ther fer me too babes, more den yunnow, ur presense, when ur happy... evrythin's juz grec.. its tha 5 of us baby... 5.... i love u sooo much, and i dunt want anythin btwn tha 5 of us to change, pls dunt let it happen bcuz of me... im so sorry baby.. i never want u to feel guilty... its not ur fault... wtever btwn me and him is juz btwn me and him... nuthin to do wit u ya hear? i dunt care wat u say 5 of us ya hear... 5!!!!! no one is out... :) i loveee u so freakin much~ i love all of us... we're so grec duntcha think? wahahha.. baby, baby... i love and mai tau~ dunt let watver u 2 have change bcuz of me. i will not allow it. he need someone like u in his life. to calm him down when i irritate tha shit outta him... wahahha.... baby, remember, i love u, we all love u. nothing should change. bcuz its perfect tha way it is now. 5 of us. simpang. things will change over time, but for now, i woundt have it any other way. :) u guys make ma life complete...
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:30 PM| 0 Butterflies
Saturday, September 04, 2004
friends
i am supposedly over-caring, too nice, i let people step all over me and make fun of me and put me down all tha time, pushing me into self doubt, i feel as if i have nuthin to offer, y bother bein ma fren? all i do is bore u people and be all emo.... im sorry to be sucha burden... all i say is juz laughed at.. or like, they'll juz say shut tha fuck up... u say shit, u sprout crap... well im sorry, i say watever comes to ma head staright, i noe its usually crap... i keep forgetting i mean nothing, i keep forgetting he dunt care.. juz one night of him holding me in his arms and i thought, maybe he did care, when am i gonna fucking wake up? fact is he never cared and never will... its been 3 months, today its 3 months since tha ferst time he kissed me, yes i remembered, yes i dunt carea if its dan lame and stupid, it meant smthin to me... i am sucha FOOL! sucha fool, wat aaron said is true tho, i have no best fren... he has adam. mai ahs nufail. they have each oher. i cant help feelin left out, they lal get along so well... but i really thank aaron, he makes sure im not left out... so does mai and nufail sometimes... i feel they'll have more fun f i werent ther.. i liked walking alone juz now, felt good... thank u so much for ur concern mai and nufail.. i lied lying down on tha monkey bars and juz lookin at tha moon... touching that they believed i could reach tha freakin monkey bars... im juz sorry for bein a pest and fer irritating u guys, i should stay away.. im like holdin u guys back from havin fun... i noe i dunt have tha strength.. maybe dats y kelmo is herre? i juz wish he werent so freakin horny.. and kinda girly... when it happened dat day and when i walked home... i cried, cuz kelmo wasnt tha one i wanted.. y is it we always want tha one we cant have? thanks fer letting me cry juz now mai..he took ma heart and he handed it back on tha silver platter, chopped into pieces, he lied.. he said he never wanted to see me hurt.. y did i hafta go over? y did he kiss me? when i asked him y all he could say was u dunnoe... y as i fooled by his words? y did i even think he cared? y did he lie? y did he? mai u may say u understand, i dunnoe, she's far away, he juz dunt want me... i hafta get it into ma head i mean fuckin nuthin... NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING> NOTHING. NOTHING. juz anotha pest he wished he could get rid of. i thought it was gettin better. never look me in tha eyes again. never tell me u miss me again. never take me into u arm again. never ask me to dance again. cuz u dunt care. u never cared. u never will... NOTHING.NOTHING NOTHING. NOTHING.NOTIHNG. NOTHING.
i go dis poem from sme chicken soup book.. when i have tha mood i'll put it up herre. juz shoot me.
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |3:35 PM| 0 Butterflies
Thursday, September 02, 2004
hah~
y did i think smthon could have happened? it was ll talk, he dunt mean it.. i dunnow if he has ma blog addie, if he does, read lah okay.. watever lah.. fuck man... i hafta stop dreamin and to think i was lookin forward.. fuck man sabreena, get a fucking life...man i wish i knew how he alientaes his feelings... i kinda did dat... i dunnow uh... im rushing into things fer tha wrong reason... im doin ta wrong things... im juz pissed at maself... he juz nestled so deeply in ther.. i wish i could dig him out, somebody tell me how... juz when i thought it was gettin better, i irritate tha fark outta him, i shoundt call him tonyte.. he'll juz got more pissed.. fark... no matetr wat, he's till ther.. always, his smell, his taste, his smile, his eyes... they're all i see... hear,, taste, smell... his laugh.. i hate dis, i farkin hate it!
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |11:29 PM| 0 Butterflies
chances
i shoundt say all this, but i guess i juz want it out, he drank.. i dunnow if he was so sweet cuz he was high or tipsy but he kept sayin he trynna feel it but he cant get that buzz.... his fren really made things sound so much better... at least i have him as a fren, and he makes me happy as a fren too... :) well... yesterday, he was like kinda mean to me at ferst, in his playful way i guess, dunt wanna gimme sweet.. offer evrybody but dunt wanna gimme... arse... den when we were chillin he offered his hands to me.. i was like, ?? wth den i took his hands den we danced... he rolled in.. hahah.. i was like, wth? y is he doin dis when ther is pple ard? hmmm.. den he did it again den dis time he made me roll in den he hugged me... i dunt wanna admit it but i didnt wanna let go, i wanted to stay in his arms... but i hit him i was like arse u! when we were walkin den ask fer tha sweet, he was singing and lookin so intently into ma eyes, ughhhh, ma tummy churned, butterflies started fluttering... den when i was holding this thingy den his fren pinch ma tummy den he told him ey, u hold her tummy, soft but not fat, den i was like, wtf... go away, u sure gonna pinch hard den he was like, nooo... den he was like, no lah... den skali he carried me, wanted to put me on tha bushes and all... hahah... i was clinging on to him, i was like, noooo! i dunt want... hahah it juz felt to be able to kinda hold him again.. and he made it seem as if carrying me was so effortless... hahah... he's skoolin, haiz... okay we're frens lahhh.. yaaaar yaar yaar... ~ROAR~ ughhhh... hmmmmm i should be like mai, mmove on.. i got tha perfect oppturnity now, but somehow... he dosent measure up? haikel... hmmm... should i? i'll wait longer juz go wit tha flow, see how it goes... maybe i'll have smthin to look forward to again?
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |12:34 AM| 0 Butterflies
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
horlicks
i forgot to add dat when i got home and checked ma bag, i fond a packet of tha sweetz in ther.. so touched... ass.. haiz... its these lil things dat juz ake u go awwww!
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |12:46 PM| 0 Butterflies
reunion
it was a gr8 reunion.. i was sitting wit nufail all instead of tha hall.. lucky abraham never say anythin man! it was sooo good to hug lini and fateha and all... so good to see y'all man! but when marrria and syaf and sukhi came! WHOA! i lve tha hug i go from maria! *wheeeee* pays to be short i guess... its was juz so farkin good to see evrybody again! so damn good.. i went home afta dat to change den met up wit dem at simpang, we chilled ther til late an, 8+ , they were ther at like 2+ i came ard 4... but can u imagine.. so lonng ryte? haha... slowly evrybody left so in tha end we went to tha park and chilled... evrybody was in a melancholic mood man... in tha end me and aaron and adam were left.. we went back to simpang.. had a drink den go home lah... was good lah, evrybody was happy den melancholic and all... it was happy wit a tinge of sadness... it was good tho.. won forget it anytime soon... tha wound is healing but tha scar will always stay... mai and nufiii, be strong babes, i love u 2 much...
infinity spirals out of creation fluttered @ |2:27 AM| 0 Butterflies
I am a daydreamer.
I think too much.
I am short.
I am gullible.
I love to laugh.
I am highly amuseable.
I can be quite random.
I am friendly,
yet I am very shy.
I love butterflies.
Go figure.
<3 to all I know and love.
My Lovelies.
Nufail love
Sarah baby
Sheena angel
Yana gorgeous
Aaron shanks
Adam grec
Sufyan grumps
Mabel maple
Fangster
Sudip big bro
Aisyah Laughingas
Shikin Chicken
Premmie!!
Sukhi
Nabilah IntanPayung
Archives.
June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006
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My Lovelies.
Nufail love
Sarah baby
Sheena angel
Yana gorgeous
Aaron shanks
Adam grec
Sufyan grumps
Mabel maple
Fangster
Sudip big bro
Aisyah Laughingas
Shikin Chicken
Premmie!!
Sukhi
Nabilah IntanPayung
Archives.
June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006